a hundred ships a day

"brandy" was on the radio tonight; it's officially summer vacation.

i have yet to get sentimental. i wrote a few things that indicate otherwise, but i truly don't feel it. then again, it was only yesterday that i left the gaither senior parking lot for the last time in my life, so perhaps it will catch up with me later. who knows? maybe i'm heartless and will never care enough.

i'm so full of it. i know as well as every other girl reading this that i'll be crying pretty hard next tuesday. hopefully i'll be able to keep it under control. if not, that's life; you're born, you learn, you die, and sometimes you get whip-lash in between.

take for example the time i did the running bunjee with sweeney yesterday - prime example of delayed whip-lash.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm eighteen and i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about. i hope you don't mind, because i'll wonder for life this while you're in the world.

fin.

"stop"

stay with me in this moment.
moonlight and hesitation,
questions and small talk -
don't move an inch,
because the stars in your eyes
on this suddenly unordinary night
are killing me to look at,
killing me to look away from.
i want it all,
and i want no part of it.
forget everything we aren't saying
and pretend like it's how it appears:
that nothing is happening
and everything is perfectly,
casually normal;
that this is simply a summer-laced night
with no promises of anything romatic
and certainly no hint of confusion
or any emotion stronger than apathy;
that the ever-exapanding universe
hasn't caught me by surprise
in this dry and awkward heat
by throwing you into my field of vision
and making me see you
as though for the first time.

no; don't move an inch,
or it will run away.

what a FABulous day!

i don't think it could have been better. from my little mermaid watch (i didn't know the amish rolled like that, emma.) to the nerf guns (hey - i mean it. maurice is fierce. cross the line of demarcation next year and i'll bust a styrofoam cap in your ass, sweeney.) to the pinkishness (dream, you really couldn't have picked better accessories. i love them SO much! and the balloon was also very much appreciated. i love the attention, and you definitely know that.) to the hello kittiness (another great idea. the rope lights are definitely going to uf, but i think the bag is too cute to put my dirty clothes in. thanks graham!) to the flowers (a total surprise. they are so beautiful and vibrant and smell like the angel you are, puffie.) to the gator paraphenalia (how did you know i was a fan, kim?), it certainly was an awesome day. thank you for making it special, everyone. just knowing you guys are there for me is enough. i love you!

"all over you, all over me,
the sun, the fields, the sky..."

it's tomorrow, annie.

after tonight's big fiasco, i must say that i'm more excited for tomorrow. i know that it's still just a day and that it doesn't mean anything on its own, and that since i spent all my time up until right now not caring it won't mean much because i didn't intend for it to. but i guess it's still cool. at least i can do something next wednesday. just what, i don't know, but i'm doing something.

congratulations to everyone who went tonight. you guys are really amazing and i'm very proud of you.

language acquisition? who?

that's how the essay part was, but who cares? i'm done! forever! with everything! and i even got out of school before you did.

call from amber about twenty minutes ago:
"hey! how's it going?"
"great! you?"
"good. ...so you like coffee, right?"
"yeah."
"ok. would you prefer coffee or tea?"
"coffee."
"do you drink caffienated or decaf?"
"well, i usually drink decaf."
"ok!"
"why?"
"hey. i'm the one asking the questions here."
"ok."
"see you tomorrow!"
"bye?"

tomorrow night is the senior achievement banquet. i hear tell it's long, so i think i'm going to wear my minnie mouse dress for sideline entertainment.

i had to execute the picture uploader. it made the computer sick, so i hope you liked the ones i put on here because it looks like they're going to be the only ones ever.

i have to work tonight in mens. i don't know where anything is, nor do i know the significance of the numbers that apparently denote size. basically, i'm screwed. damn hungarian terrian and her vindex and wacuum commands.

i resign from thinking.

cha cha again.

back to normal? i hope so.

prom rocked. i loved my hair, my dress, my nails, my self-done makeup (thank you very much), my date, my corsage, the limo, the dinner, the everything. everyone looked amazing - the girls in the prettiest formals and the guys clean-shaven and bow-tied. it was an unforgettable night.

i spent sunday catching cat-naps when i could. i fell asleep outside and woke up feeling like my skin was on fire - NOT funny - so i went inside, took out my hair with three pairs of hands, and showered my famous eight-gallons of hairspray away. i went to work to show the girls pictures and hand out invitations, and then i shopped for an unequal ratio of time to things bought.

tomorrow is my last ap exam ever. if you hear a scream of pure, elated joy around 3:45, it will be me completing my last real assignment in high school.

that's about it.

oh, and facebook me or die.

prommie!

so tomorrow's the big day. nails in the morning, hair in the early afternoon, and pictures at 5:45. then it's off to dinner and dancing the night away.

am i excited?

hells yeah! (i had to, sweeney.)

i can't wait. it'll be so much fun. limo and everything.

...GAH! come on, tomorrow! get here already!

i finally downloaded a picture uploader. you can expect a lot of this nonsense from now on, so i hope you enjoy.

pink lady.

orangsicle.

ain't no holla back for the 'luda.

gwen, THIS shit is bananas.

iiiiiii.

haaaaaaaate.

COMMENCEMENT SPEECHES!

(or at least the thought of giving one.)

let the games begin.

this week starts the end of my high school career. with the coming of aps and the ending of classes, it's kind of strange to know that from here on out it will only ever hurt me to sleep in a class.

but enough of that. my sister graduated yesterday. she actually found us sitting in the stands, which was odd but cool. i'm really proud of her.

friday was spent working and grad partying (which was a total blast by the way). i was still a bit deaf when i got up saturday. sinus infection plus faceache plus ringing ears yields best time ever.
i realize that i suck at updating. when exams are over and a girl can get some sleep around here, it's back to the normal, quasi-efforted and multi-paragraphed entries (because while it may seem like i'm already there, it took me thirty uninterupted minutes to come up with everything i just wrote.).

armadillo hug.

hippoooooo.

i'm so tired i can hardly think. today was sticker day, according to me. i had fun with it. and now i have no homework, so i will take advantage of this most craptacular afternoon and sleep, clean my room, or drink coffee and think of how i should be sleeping or cleaning my room. thank you for your cooperation.

ink tag

throw one sometime. it's fun.

boom. i got your prom date.

today was much better than yesterday, which totally sucked ass. i got an unbelievable amount of makeup work in first period (yes. i was absent a week and a half ago and did ask if i had any work to turn in. she said no, then proceeded to give me two glutonous assignments. thanks, mrs. grannell. like jem, you are truly, truly, truly outrageous.); discovered in third period that i failed the john donne test (you know. the one i spent three hours studying for.); nearly failed another test in fourth period (the man had mercy and let us continue it today, so that bad grade just transfers to present.); got one shining ray of hope in fifth period when i had my calculus exam graded and NEARLY MADE A FIVE; and had my faith in humanity crumble when i went to sixth period and had to discover that people like mrs. newman - including mrs. newman herself - exist. i had the headache from hell all the while, with no time to nap or even change my shirt between tutoring and work. needless to say, i am erasing april eighteenth from the calendar.

today, not the case.

i stuck it to grannell and finished almost all of her damned work (much of which i even turned in at the BEGINNING of first period); had a second period club to go to (club week is still a terrible idea.) and a present waiting for me when i got there; chatted all through third period; still did poorly on the fourth period test, but not as much as i would have without the extra day; kicked ass in fifth period on the chapter five tom-foolery; banished newman from thought in sixth because i went to the library to finish typing all the crap for euro i would otherwise be occupying myself with at present; and got to see a funny picture meticulously prepared by jessica s. sweeney in seventh of mrs. jarrett's favorite circus animal.

and i save the best detail for last:

prom dilemma happily solved. graham is the lucky beau. now that things are coming together - dinner, plans afterward, date, etc - i'm pretty excited.

tell kim to go to prom.

a vindication on the rights of student

what on earth possessed me to take calculus? why did i think it was a good idea? though completely without direction now as to what i will major in and spend the rest of my merry little life doing, i know it will not involve higher-level math simply because i would avoid any career requiring extensive use of functions and integrals and derivatives and all the otherwise useless information and techniques presented by this course.

it is due time to sing your heart out, cher.

if i could turn back time,
if i could find a way,
i'd take back my senior schedule
and fix it.
if i could reach my couselor's pc,
i'd change it all to null
this really,
really,
REALLY difficult class.

amarillo

i am really happy to be alive today. the sun is so nice and warm and there is a breeze blowing in through the window i am sitting next to. i can't even come up with a good reason as to why i am inside right now.

what a beautiful day.

i was thinking last night and it occured to me that this is that time i will refer to when i mention all the names of people long graduated and long forgotten about me. this is the time i will be talking about when i say "i remember working at my first job" or "a girl i was real close with in high school" or "my old boyfriend used to drive one of those." this is the time when most of my poetry and reflections on major events and major changes within myself occured or occured to me that the something more than what floated on the surface was actually the part that meant the most.

this is it.

and it seems as though the slanting shadows made by grass upon the sidewalk are nodding in affirmation in the glittery wind, nostalgic already even though it is only today.

biscuit kittens

today was good.

tonight is work.

no pronouns aqui.

"and the embers never fade in the city by the lake."

i'm still kind of all over the place. i don't know what is going on in a few classes, but it doesn't really concern me. i did get a warm welcome back, as i haven't stepped inside the building in a week. it made me feel so very loved and missed.

this week is unusually packed with things to do. today was my tutoring day (cancelled, because of "illness." you know how it was when you were in fourth grade and just didn't feel like being at school.), tomorrow is grad party picture day, wednesday night i have to work, thursday i have an eye exam, and friday begins my normal weekend.

ok. so maybe that isn't a major list of plans and appointments, but it's more than i usually do during the week. i suppose that makes me kind of boring. or really boring. your pick.

if anyone reading this has chapter 21 for the euro review and doesn't feel like doing it alone, i'm your girl.

that's about all for today. tune in next time for more maggie mania.

and the title has nothing to do with anything. don't read into it because i put it there with no thought whatsoever. just a good song.

i heart yrbk.

bang, zoom, to... hell.

i guess it wasn't THAT bad, but it wasn't like i was expecting it to be. i'm just glad that it's over.

high points of the state science and engineering fair:
1. gaston! i met someone named gaston! ("as a specimen, yes, i'm intimidating!")
2. refriending.
3. pony boy.
4. kid falling flat on his face on stage.

low points:
1. loud and obnoxious middle schoolers.
2. freezing buildings and establishments. all of them. even the bus. not cool. not literally.
3. dropping my bag directly on my foot last night in a frantic hurry to get to bed (i guess that was after-the-fact, but i still wanted to mention it to elict pity and avoid explaining the bruise that will no doubt cover my entire foot.).

i guess that about sums it up.

oh, and i won fourth place in my category. i was pleasantly surprised.

today marks the last twelve-hour sale of my retail career. no nostalgic reflections to add. after i get off of work at 10:30 or so, i'm going to see my friend and his band play their first show.

to my sister: congratulations on the million interviews you have. good luck, and i know you will be accepted at many schools.

to everyone in chorus: i'm really sad about missing spectrum. i heard from everyone that went that it was great. good job, guys!

to everyone who kept calling me these past four days: thank you. i mean it. sorry i was boring, but i really apprectiated it. kept me sane amongst the penetrating sounds of ringtones being changed every three seconds.

to everyone not included in the above: some people call me maurrrice. wao, wao.

end scene.

amarillo

"just to see you smile,
i'd do anything
that you wanted me to.
when all is said and done,
i never count the cost;
it's worth all that's lost
just to see you smile."

not that that song has anything to do with me right now, but it still felt appropriate. i don't know. call me crazy, but buler wants soup for the buck naked art vandalay.

and never disappointed. you're talking to vanessica, so i think it's clear who should be embarrassed.

he put my stuff in jello again!

the office is hilarious. i highly recommend it.

work was really enjoyable, believe it or not. after we closed, the weirdest thing happened. there had been practically no one in the store all night, but come 9:00, ten or twelve women ambled up to the front of the store to check out. where did they come from? the gigantic ant pile someone set on fire in the rear of the building? i will never know.

tomorrow i'm working in the morning, so i will hopefully be doing something incredibly fun (and cheap) at night. i felt like going out tonight, too, but the whole "hey. i'm broke." thing is kind of inhibiting.

i haven't got much else to say. hope everyone had fun at the renaissance festival.

happy bithday, eddie. hope it was amazing.

april fools!

once upon a time in mexico.

i wrote a really witty post earlier and it was lost somewhere in the bowels of ie when i went to publish it. so much for that idea.

tomorrow is le club day. i am le excited.

i have to be back at school tomorrow night for snhs inductions. while practicing my bit, i regained my long-gone spanish accent. ask me tomorrow to say something to you in spanish just so i can show off. really - it'll make my day.

"hey maggie!"
"yeah?"
"mom says go to bed!"

i love how my dad said it for my mom when we're all in the same room.

give me hugs or give me death!

ok. so maybe that's a bit dramatic, but i could really go for a big, warm hug right about now. things aren't going at all how i had envisioned them, and in fact new situations are arising that i never foresaw taking place.

have i been ambiguous enough yet? good. because it was getting old for me, too.

so tomorrow i can eat peanut butter again. too bad i don't crave it anymore. what about yous?

yes. i did mean to make that plural.

i can't think of anything better to say. i am jack's complete lack of surprise.

edna's goldfish

"you can't stop me!
i wanna be invincible!"

that is my new song for work.

why? you ask.

i wrote out a list of the nearly 25 days (including most weekends) between today and the first of june that i will not be able to work before giving my two weeks' notice at the end of may. before explaining that i understand that i may have to quit earlier than i had planned (oh, do i understand.), my boss took the paper and said, "ok."

ok.

as in, fine.

as in, you still work here.

as in, i wasn't forced to quit today like i had planned.

as in, i just bought a two-month supply of chicken mcfuckits.

i acknowledge fully that this is the most kickass job i will ever have in my entire life. hungarian terrian will be the only boss i can ever hand a very specific list of dates when i, princess, am available to grace her presence with. the pay is shit, but who cares? i'm still employed.

anyways, how are you? did you catch a mario star as well? we'd like to hear! send all entries to:

mario stario
330 thatmaggiegirlisreallygreatANDsingle drive
po box 429
somebodygetmeoutof, here 51287

i'm a fag.

1, Name you answer to: maggie, doodle, becky (no, i'm not kidding), magazine, magnet

2, When you look in the mirror you see: one hot bitch.

3, Age you act: 10 or 20. depends.

4, Actual Age: 17.

5, Day you were brought into this world: may 12, 1987. mark your calendars.

6, Feeling Ballsy?: as always.

7, Wanna make-out?: i need to brush.

8, If you could runaway anywhere where would you go?: africa. bet you can't find me.

9, Insect or bug that freaks you out: snake-bug

10, An American who would be a good president: not mrs. granell

11, A nursery rhyme you can still recite: the three little kittens

12, Who do you live with?: parents, great aunt, two cats

13, Have you ever made friends with a troll under the bridge?: who hasn't?

14, First movie that you ever cried to: steel magnolias

15, Describe a simple pleasure in your life: hearing "i love you" from anyone in any context and for any reason.

16, What is something you hate to do?: turn red when talking to cute boys.

17, Do you have trouble with your temper?: no. i just get frustrated easily.

18, When you marry someone do you want that person to be like your mom or dad?: no, but they probably will be.

19, Do you have a job now?: yes

20, What is it?: retail and kissing ass.

21, What is your favorite food to eat: thai.

22, What do you think you'll die of?: car crash or something equally sudden and unforseen.

23, How many times have you dyed your hair?: nonce.

24, Ethnic background: irish, german, polish.

This or that

25, checks or cash: cash.

26, night or day: depends.

27, love or lust: love.

28, soy or meat: meat - what a joke.

29, sugar or chocolate: chocolate.

30, tattoos or piercings: piercings.

31, 80's or 90's: both were all-time lows for fashion. is that what you wanted to hear?

32, lazy or motivated: lazy. and what.

33, warm or cold: to be? cold.

34, small city or big city: i'm indecisive.

35, gum or mints: mints!

36, harry potter or lord of the rings: neither.

37, hurricane or snow storms: hurricane party like woah.

38, mooning or flashing: flashing. why did i answer?

39, Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston: jennifer.

40, Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp: armpit.

42, hands or toes: both are dirty.

43, naughty or nice: don't YOU want to know.

44, sandals or sneakers: sandals.

45, sprint or cingular: alltel, b.

46, slim fast or protein shakes: protein shakes.

47, concerts or clubbin: concerts by default.

48, smoking or drinking: drinking. razzle my dazzle.

49, silver or gold: silver.

50, contacts or glasses: contacts.

51, rain or shine: shiny rain.

52, cucumber or banana: cucumber. unless you mean otherwise. in which case i don't like you much.

53, writing or drawing: writing.

54, kiss or diss: kiss. duh?

55, Michael Moore or President Bush: i don't understand.

56, Massaging or tickling: tickling is fun for all involved and it's free.

58, Pink or black: pink.

57, Walmart or Target: target.

59, cats or dogs: kitties!

60, North or south: west.

Interview of You

61, 10 things you hope to accomplish in 10 years: graduate from college, get a job, travel to many places, speak spanish fluently, find that great guy, and finish this list.

62, 9 materialistic things you couldn't live with out: clothing, brush, shampoo, toilet paper, toothpaste, clean underwear, and you pick the rest.

63, 8 things you touch daily: a brush, my hair, water, the ground, lip gloss, i dont care anymore.

64, 7 bands/singers you've seen in concert: nsync, sister hazel, rubyhorse, dishwalla, avril lavinge, live, euclid.

65, 6 things that make you happy: old-fashioned lawn sprinklers, kittens, warm clothes fresh from the drier, realizing it's the weekend when i wake up, haircuts, going out.

66, 5 foods you love to eat: pitas, apples, chocolate!, noodles, ice cream.

67, 4 Movies you love to watch: can't.

68, 3 places you've been to in the past month: gainesville, clearwater, your mom.

69, 2 most embarrassing moments: it takes a lot to embarrass me.

70, 1 thing that's bothering you right now: thing or person?

In 6 months will you:

71, travel out of the state?: yes

72, have a bf or gf?: doesn't look like it.

73, Have major surgery?: am i that ugly to you?

74, Do something that will change your life forever?: why, yes, as a matter of fact.

75, Get a job?: quite the opposite.

76, Move to the streets and sell crack?: already there.

77, Go to jail?: i hear it's a nice place.

78, Plan to runaway?: no.

79, Stalk someone?: it's what i do.

80, Birth a child?: i vote no.

81, Have a sweet sixteen?: no, mtv.

82, Get a new piercing or tattoo?: we'll see.

83, Take summer classes?: eew. please don't.

84, Leave the country?: yes.

85, Go to a concert or club?: hopefully many of both.

86, Confess your feelings to someone?: already did.

87, Drive over the speed limit?: oh, no. that would be unlawful.

88, Kiss a frog?: i'm flaky enough.

89, Gain or lose 10 lbs?: after the next 10 i'm done.

90, Go on a roadtrip?: doesn't look like it.

91, Go completely insane?: it's likely.

92. Be on national television?: it's not likely.

93, Cook a meal?: yes.

94, Make a prank phone call?: i'm 12.

95, Do any illegal drugs?: i sell crack on the streets.

96, Go hunting?: no.

97, Volunteer somewhere?: yes.

98, Have a serious talk with someone?: yes.

99, Fall in love with the next person who flirts with you?: hello, adam.

100, Wish you were someone else?: ick.

dontcha!

what a fun and crazy little day i had. from beach to boys to losing boys to finding boys to losing boys' numbers to getting lost to parking in the wrong garage to missing the exit to BURNADETTE!, i must say it was most memorable.

"you may be right -
i may be crazy,
but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."

them's the brakes.

i bought some bright nail polishes today that don't match with anything i own. as soon as i finish writing this i will put the pink one on my toes. aren't you glad i tell you these things?

tonight we're going over to clearwater to have dinner with my cousin and company at a place called guppie's. isn't that cute?

it's finally beginning to feel summery. it didn't even rain or anything. can i get a what-what for weather forecasters knowing NOTHING?

tomorrow i work in the morning and have no plans for that night, so if you want to do something, let me know.

sometimes you feel like a nut;
sometimes you don't.

"i will continue to evolve..."

about this whole taking chances thing: do it. you'll surprise yourself and a few others along the way.

who knows? something beautiful just may happen.

eep!

i love it!

but enough about me. how is everybody's break going so far? any vacations, trips, etc that you've got coming up? i hope those who have jobs aren't swamped all week. if you are, let me know EXACTLY when you're working (bwa ha ha.).

tonight is employee night. needless to say, i'm going in for a visit. i can't resist and that's all there is to it.

tomorrow i'm shopping with my mom in the morning, tanning in the afternoon (hopefully, because rainy mcsucks is due for another visit), and working at night. tuesday we're having dinner with my cousin and her beau, so i can't wait for that either.

oh, spring break. you're so pretty.

spring break is here to stay!

i'm so happy! and it's only saturday! HEHE! i think i am a silly azn at heart.

tomorrow should be loads of non-obligated fun. if all goes well, i'll be a brand new maggs by 4:00 in the p of m. then again, i keep saying that and don't go for it. guess we'll see. literally.

by the way, that was in reference to the sex change.

so gainesville was fun. and cold. but way more fun than cold. i can't wait to go there next year. it'll be weird at first, going home to a room and getting lost on the way there, but it'll be so much - for lack of a better word - fun.

"did you think we were students?"
"... oh. yeah. totally."

i don't have much else to update on right now, but i could go for a peppermint paddy.

funny.

someone made a really good funny just a short while ago, but i can't remember what it is at the moment. updates to come.

spoon people. like chris. i don't get it.

dear julie,
don't drink large amounts of caffiene at 9:00 pm. even though you're cool.

love,
maggie

good luck!

tomorrow is going to be a great day no matter what happens.

to [SO-noon]: you're totally my idol now. it will go great, and i do mean that.

to sweens: in just twenty-four hours, we will be in gator territory. hope you bring your pineapples.

to ringo: watch out.

that about sums it up. have a beautiful night!

what an odd and enjoyable little day i had. i've begun studying for the test from hell and i applied for a few more scholarships, some of which i'm sure are illegal. i went for a good long run and got back just before it started to rain. i'm completely stoked for this weekend, too, so that adds to the general happiness.

i found a few scholarships having to do with film. if anyone wants to get together and shoot one (or several) over the break, i'm your girl. except i don't have a camera, but it's just a technicality.

i don't know what else to write about.

[exeunt.]

and the beat goes on.

today was pretty amazing. not only did we end the endless movie in vietnam history, but i got the chance to talk to a few friends about plans for spring break and beyond.

eep! i can't wait!

after school, i tutored like usual. the little sister handed me some beads before i left and when i was about to walk out the door, she said, "wait! you forgot your hug!" that made my day. it's little things like that that make me smile when it's humid as hell outside.

speaking of, what's up with you, weather? you royally suck. i wish we could get some constancy out of you.

"amid the chaos of an ill-tempered march, i couldn't help but wonder what happened when you lost the zsa zsa zu."

i swear to you that's the only carri bradshaw impression i will ever do. forgive.

it's time to be productive. hope everyone had a terrific day!

i don't get it.

that about sums it up. every time i have my five minutes of insight and peaceful resignation to the fact that life is going to happen whether or not i consent to its processes, a chord is played completely out of tune and out of sync, ruining the whole song simply by happening. i just don't understand why things go the way they do.

and here i am, letting this last year pass me by like it doesn't mean anything when in fact it has been a crucial step in learning how to be apathetic enough to not let everything hurt.

i don't know what the future holds, but i am confident it will settle itself. the sheet is still suspended in the fan-blown air, and whether it will land a rumpled mess in the corner or a square in the center of the room is yet to be known.

the answers are coming. maybe i'll finally see.

chilly nilly!

today was ick. i got home, made a pot-o-coffee, and proceeded to watch she's all that for reasons beyond my comprehension. i think tonight i'm going to finish off a few more chapters of invisible man and apply for a scholarship or two. i will get at least one.

WILL.

word on the street is that tomorrow is the lovely singing day for all my favorite thespians. i can't wait and i'm not even in the club. oh, the untold joys tomorrow shall bring.

i think it finally stopped raining while i typed this. imagine that.

card games gone wild.

dream: "i'm kind of sick of romance now. i need something raw and fresh. like man flesh."

bee ee aye gee gee are ee ess ess eye vee ee!

yep. still walking on eggshells. i can't seem to get away from them, either, and all i really want to do is jump all over the place. i think i will if things don't settle down according to my schedule.

ANYWAYS.

multicultural assembly tomorrow. i'm looking forward to the irish dancer. it makes me so happy that she can do that. i wish i could.

chris is making a video of a math-off between mr. schutz and mrs. brand, and i am honored to say that i was invited to be the latter. he said he thought i could pull off the laser-eye stare. little does he know that i actually do have laser vision. true story.

so who's excited for emma's party on saturday? answer is this girl right here. i don't know what/who to dress up as, though.
limited budget + lack of ideas - creativity = thoughtless.
any suggestions? maybe i'll go as a dude, or perhaps just keanu reeves.

i'm out of stuff to say. hope everyone had a marvelous day.

"stop that rhyming - now, i mean it!"
"anybody want a peanut?"

chance time?

today was pretty good, i must say. i got up early and went rollerblading before work. john and kelly stopped by for shits and giggles, and later sweeney and co. visited when i went on break. a lot of cool people opened, too, so it went quickly.

tonight i went to see constantine with john. good movie, but thoroughly confusing. if only keanu reeves could be taken seriously... then we chilled listening to early nineties music at the picasso mcdonald's. twas a fun evening indeed.

when i got home - SURPRISE - my dad was on the couch. he had been in orlando since wednesday and i thought he was coming home tomorrow. needless to say, i felt disoriented.

in fact, i still do.

so that's my day in very short. hope you enjoyed your stay at the luxe burnadette blog.

open for business

what a truly interesting community my workplace is. who would have thought?

afterwards, i went out to chilis with jessica and carri. a drunk guy kept screaming "goodbye!" at me in the parking lot. odd, yet funny.

who else couldn't stop being perverted and wanted "desperately" to compare the blackberries in the ap lit essay to sex? not that that's what i wrote about, but i sure thought of it.

and on that strange note i leave you.

am i too obvious?

i wonder sometimes.

anywho, what a grimey day. if it wasn't so cold, it may have been downright enjoyable, but it is, so it wasn't. good thing home depot had a window the size of the old one, or it would be raining inside. that would be kind of neat, actually.

i made dinner for my mom and only have a lab and some studying to do for homework. then it's coffee and law and order, my two favorite lovers.

i guess everyone is at the theatre tonight. i didn't particularly want to go, but now that i didn't, it will probably end up being a really good performance. that's my luck.

i better get going on that lab so i can update more interestingly later. that crazy speed of light - always good for a laugh.

jump click!

what a good day. while some were skipping school, i was on my way to buy THE PERFECT PROM DRESS.

yes. i found it.

i don't want to reveal much about it, so i will just say that it's really pretty.

mom: "so now that we've gone to the dress store, we need to go to the boy store."

and now i am done talking about prom.

dear perfect prom dress,

where are you? i tried looking for you again today but i couldn't find you anywhere. i thought you were hiding in the yellow and torquoise strapless dress of sheer beauty but you weren't, because it was too expensive and i didn't have the boobs to fill it. then i thought i saw you in the nice minty one at dillards, but again my suspicions were unnecessary - that, too, would have exposed me at some point during the night.

i looked for you for two hours this afternoon, and you weren't in any store at westfield. you make me so sad.

tomorrow i shall try again. leave me clues, please, because i get lost easily in international plaza for reasons unbeknownst to everyone.

yours truly,
maggie

um. what?

today was a total waste as far as school is concerned. i tutored and got paid (yes!), and then came home to the weirdest thing ever: a tree in my family room.

no joke. the winds from the approaching cold front blew over the palm we just had planted in our front yard a week ago. it smashed through the window and knocked out a few of the stones on the side of the house on the way down. what sucks the most is not only the damage to the house (which is now freezing since it's pretty difficult to move a freaking palm tree and even more difficult to place a barrier between it and the rest of the house), but the tree was expensive, too.

it also doesn't brighten the situation that the project board i have to take to state with me in april was in the room and is now completely useless. poor thing was in the way when all hell broke loose and is now creased just enough to be nonfunctional. FANTASTIC.

everyone is in a bad mood because it hasn't been long enough to be funny yet, so basically i'm stuck in a frozen-over hell.

with that said, how was your day?

the rain is nice for a change. i know that many (ahem - sweens) won't agree with that statement, but i really enjoy the sound of it falling on the roof or blowing against the windows. before we redid the kitchen, you could hear it hitting on the tin vent - i don't know how, but it did. it always makes me feel really happy.

i wish i could insert something meaningful right here, but it's just not happening.

polUlar!

so guess what?

my project kicked some major ass last night. not only did i beat shrimp girl, but i landed first place in senior environmental science - PLUS i'm going to state in april along with dustin, ally, and jim. sweet? i. think. so!

today was pretty depressing, though. special olympics were cancelled due to "the inclement weather," and to top it off we had a suckass test in math. oh well. what can you do?

work was pretty cool. i had fun bragging about my mostly amazing week.

oh. and i GUESS i shouldn't forget to say:

happy birthday, eek! i love you (and abu!)! "there's a party here in agraba..." i'm glad you had a fun day getting a pedicure with our gramma. nintendo forever like woah in the his house.

love youuuuuu!

[poop!]

monger el beast

today was better than yesterday.

much.

yesterday consisted of critical evaluation of my semester-long project, with a nice jim, bob, and random engineer to brighten my day. the occasional visit from alex didn't hurt, either. too bad we had to stand most of the time, and too bad that shrimp girl totally kicked my ass in science land. i guess i'll see how i measure up tonight at the awards ceremony.

today was just plain terrific. no make-up work, and i already wrote the essay i missed in ap lit. math wasn't too bad, either. i guess after the complete break-down i had last night before passing out meant that things could only get better. it was comical in a way. my mom was laughing, anyways. i suppose that once you start crying and grabbing at the jewelry dish on the kitchen counter it's time to say "screw it" and go to bed at 8 pm.

not that you wanted to know.

a word to the wise: running in dirt in jeans and flip flops (and a shirt, if you're not being photographed) isn't the smoothest way to go.

poncho and lefty take the stage

i don't know what made me say that, but i seem to have kept my identity hidden in the midst of all the crush day mayhem. and you?

today was quite productive for me. i would go through the specifics of it all, but i'll just end up boring you to tears.

on the other hand, today SUCKED! mainly because of bree-und and her terrific idea of having a test this thursday on logistics. what a genius, i tell you, which i suppose explains why she teaches college-level mathematics.

cumulatative. silly alex.

"get over here, you chubby little dork!"

today was full of florida state fair fun. alliteration, too.

i am now delightfully burnt, as sweeney and alise are, and perhaps drew-drew, candlestick, and the rest of the gang are monstah lobstahs.

i'm such a crazy bitch.

anyways, this week is going to be freaking awesome.

why, maggie? regale us.

if you insist.

you see, it goes like this: no school today, school tomorrow, no school wednesday, school thursday, no school friday! not much is going on tomorrow, anyways, and i'm sure that thursday won't be very enthralling, either. wednesday is the science fair at usf (look for the ridiculous showboard with toy cars on it and a title much longer than it ever needed to be.), and friday i am allegedly competing in the special olympics (thank you, alex, for your undying support.).

last night i had a most delightful time with the girls at jt after prom dress shopping with the sweens. i wish i had brought my camera so i can get opinions or just LOOK at all the shit that's out there over and over again.

i'm pretty sure there's salt in my eye.

who's up for everwood tonight?

gremlin boy

i have no idea what in HELL is going on. i wish i could see what ends up happening just so i don't have to be confused right now. i have been tinkering with this time machine and plan to have it finished in about five minutes. hopefully it will solve all problems.

ambiguity! gets two thumbs up, rave thumb one and thumb two.

i wish i was cool and had uber sweet talents. i want to cook dinner for my dad on his birthday, but sometimes things don't work out too well when i do that. anything neat i can learn to do in two weeks?

speaking of cooking, i'm going to be in greece for most of june. isn't that terrific? partly, of course, because i can tell damn terri to go fuck herself - i'm not her shitslave*.

that'll be the day. may eighteenth, let me count the ways...

history channel is my lover.

tonight equals movie and sleepover. will update later when can find pronouns.

*i have a tendency to make up profanities when speaking of someone/thing i highly dislike. it's highly enjoyable, i find. try it sometime.

starshine

what a good day.

scratch that. what a GREAT day. some drama ish started to hit the fan, but i am far beyond the point of caring. all i know is that i've got sunshine in a bag; i'm happy.

1. i got an 87% on the calculus test. eighty-seven percent. that's a personal best.

2. we kicked ass in humanities, part 2. apparently it's funny that i was alecto, the angry fury.

"and i am alecto, the goddess known for her unceasing anger!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

3. i got paid for two spanish tutoring sessions, and consequently FINALLY:

4. paid off my remaining debt!

so you're talking to a mathie, angry, debt-free happy girl.

how are YOU?

i can't believe i forgot:

i am also called mooster.

so... can i have my christmas present now?

suck, suck, suck.

my name is today and i just plain suck.

but at least i don't have much homework.

my cousin who lives in new york sent me a funny note and some pokemon stuff today, plus an avenue q magnet that i couldn't find while visiting. yaaaaaay!

tomorrow equals movies at usf. excited? i think so.

sweeney is coming over in a little bit, so i should probably get some homework out of the way, though i doubt i will.

i guess it wasn't really that bad.

a day for the birds

i don't know anymore. maybe it was all just a dumb idea that was blown up too big too fast. i think i may go back on everything i said.

how was your day? i wrote a much better and more uplifting post earlier in the afternoon, but it would neither save nor publish and is now forever lost.

boo hoo.

this is your consolation prize. thank you for reading the blog of maggie fudgecow.

it seems as though i will be going to gainesville the first weekend of spring break. beach, tans, no school for a week... i can't wait.

i can't write. this sucks. goodnight.

what a terrific day

and it seems as though it will only get better.

tonight i'm going out to karaoke with some friends to ward off any chance of self-pity, though i must return earlier than i originally hoped to study for a titanic-sized calculus test tomorrow.

eep.

but with the way things have gone so far today, tonight promises to be just as wonderful.

i hope everyone else had an amazing valentine's day. if you didn't, call me asap and i'll do my best to cheer you up (yes. i really am in that good of a mood that i have happiness to spare.).

i love you!

afternoon delight

i've had such a busy day, and i feel as though i haven't accomplished a single thing. some the day's efforts may or may not show up at school tomorrow, but if you see me in the morning, stop me because i just might have a present for you (yes, YOU!).

today:
7:30 - woke up, took a shower
9:00 - church
10:30 - humanities project at sweeney's
12:30 - store for eggs (see two lines down)
1:30 - grad party meeting
3:00 - made a billion cookies
3:10 - mindy over! surprise!
3:30 - still making a billion cookies
4:30 - made valentines for parents
5:30 - fixed rita's dinner
6:00 - began psychology essays
6:30 - quit and went online
now - craving coffee while talking about boys and wondering if i should wear pink tomorrow (currently voting yea.)

all in all, it was a pleasantly busy day. tomorrow should be wonderful, also, and if it's not, at least i'm not going to be watching anchorman.

have a beautiful evening, lovelies.

perfect

"so far,
i still know who you are,
but now i wonder who i was."

a first love is the most unique love you will ever experience. it makes you so happy and so sad at the same time, but when you're with the one you first gave your heart to, they make you feel like you couldn't be more

"perfect
strangers down the line,
lovers out of time,
memories unwind..."

i know that i've grown up since then, and he's not the same, i'm sure. i feel like if we had only met a year later, things would have been different.

and yet, it couldn't have been more perfect the way it was.

"angel, you know it's not the end.
we'll always be good friends;
the letters have been sent on."

it's someone you will never forget, this first love. you may want to more than anything in the world, but you can never completely leave it behind. you may find yourself wondering on a saturday night just how it is that you could still be the same as you were together as you are apart, though years and countless influences have changed you.

but no matter what,

"perfect -
you know this has to be."

as taken from x:

Name: maggie
Nicknames: maggs, magpie, doodle, and the latest: maggie lynn
Birthday: may 12, 1987
Birthplace: cleveland, oh

=Now=

Current mood: happy
Current music: hey mercedes "slightest idea"
Current taste: my mouth
Current hair: in a sloppy bun
Current clothes: pajama pants and a psu shirt (i know, i know.)
Current annoyance: light from the screen, oddly enough
Current smell: living room
Current thing I ought to be doing: sleeping
Current windows open: the one next to me that you're apparently looking through.
Current desktop picture: creek in erie
Current favorite band/group: i'll take ben kweller for 500
Current book: fighting on two fronts, unfortunately
Current cd in stereo: smashing pumpkins
Current favorite celeb: none
Current hate: i'm happy, fool.

=Do I=

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Remember your first love?: how could i forget?
Still love him/her?: always will
Read the newspaper?: no
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: yes
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: in actions, but not in thought.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: depends on my mood, so i'll go with no.
Consider love a mistake?: never
Like the taste of alcohol?: yes
Have a favorite candy?: CHOCOLATE.
Believe in astrology?: of course it exists
Believe in magic?: no
Believe in God?: yes
Have any pets?: two cats
Go to or plan to go to college?: go gators!
Have any piercings?: five
Have any tattoos?: no
Hate yourself?: i try not to
Have an obsession?: several
Have a secret crush?: do i ever not?
Do they know yet?: highly unlikely
Have a best friend?: there a several who i am really close to, but dream probably hears most of my crap, so i'm going with agent park.
Wish on stars?: yes, though i know nothing comes from wishing.
Care about looks?: too much

=Love life=

First crush: in kindergarten, jason something-or-other. his grandmother knitted me mittens.
First kiss: during the end credits of the majestic. in the words of bono, "oh, the sweetest thing."
Single or attached?: so single it's gross.
Ever been in love?: again, yes.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: i believe in strong attraction, but not love at first sight.
Do you believe in "the one?": less and less. you can make nearly anybody your one if you try hard enough. hence, divorce court.
Describe your ideal significant other: humorous, witty, can hold a good and naturally-flowing conversation, and smart. i don't care about money, cars, or clothes, but i prefer (though do not require) tall guys that are well-traveled and/or enjoy excursions. complete laziness is not acceptable, and gentlemanliness and creativity are always pluses.

=Juicy stuff=

Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: no. i'm a prude.
Have you ever been intoxicated?: yes
Favorite place to be kissed?: lips would be logical.
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": ...define "something."
Are you a tease?: not that i'm aware of. are you?
Shy to make the first move?: me? shy? ...of course.

=Word association=

Rubber: vietnam
Rock: star
Green: with purple passionate blues
Wet: dog
Cry: spy
Peanut: man
Hay: stack
Cold: ice
Steamy: steam?
Fast: race
Freaky: mama
Rain: shower
Bite: snake
Blow: job (thanks chris.)
Religion: job (still stuck on it)


--APPEARANCE:--
Hair: light brown
Eyes: blue
Height: 5'8' funny you should ask now that you know who my ideal mate is.

--LAST THING YOU:--
Bought: crush soda (a mere slip of paper, to be precise)
Ate & Drank: advantage bar and hazelnut coffee from panera.
Read: "read"
Watched on tv: what not to wear

--EITHER / OR:--
club or houseparty: houseparty, considering i can't do the latter
beer or cider: beer
drinks or shots: depends on who's present
cats or dogs: cats
single or taken: you're mean.
pen or pencil: pen
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: poopsi
this or that: the other

--WHO DO YOU WANT TO:--
kill: the olsen twins and ----- ----- (guess correctly and i'll tie a ribbon in your hair) (and no, it's not james hogan)
get really wasted with: anyone i'm already friends with.
look like: i wouldn't recognize myself if i looked like someone else.
be like: a better person
avoid: terrizia ferrer (?) and anyone else who pisses me off


-LAST PERSON YOU--
talked to: my mom
hugged: dream
instant messaged: dream again


--WHERE DO YOU--
eat: at home?
cry: alone
wish you were: here i suppose


--HAVE YOU EVER...--
Dated one of your best friends? i've dated someone who turned into a best friend.
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yes
Drank alcohol? yes
Done drugs? again, no
Broken the law? yes
Run away from home? no
Broken a bone? no
Played Truth Or Dare? who hasn't?
Kissed someone you didn't know? on the cheek.
Been in a fight? no. i'm SO peaceful.
Come close to dying? no


--WHAT IS:--
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: nsync chat series.
Your bedroom like?: neat and messy at the same time
Your favorite thing for breakfast? ick. nothing.
Your favorite restaurant?: applebees (oriental chicken roll-up, sans chicken)


--RANDOM QUESTIONS--
What's on your bedside table?: pink carnations, burts bees, and some pictures of things that no one would find funny but myself and those posed in them (namely, dana and my sis).
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: muenster cheese or chick peas.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: steel magnolias and the notebook (second one isn't much of a secret, though)
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: nose job.
What is your biggest fear?: being a bitch and people readily admitting it, though i suppose i'm not so much afraid of that as anticipating it.
What feature are you most insecure about?: nearly everything, plus voice (talking and singing)
Do you ever have to beg?: um...?
Are you a pyromaniac?: me? fire? HELLO!
Do you have too many love interests?: no way, jose.
Crushes?: what about him?
Do you know anyone famous?: several, and share blood with two.
Describe your bed: cold at the moment.
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous
Do you know how to play poker?: yes, but can't
What do you carry with you at all times?: underwear, but i guess that isn't really carried so much as worn. lip gloss, too (carried + worn).
How do you drive?: not well, apparently.
What do you miss most about being little?: ignorance and grandparents.
Are you happy with your given name?: i vote no.
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: it's too convenient, aim and e-mail aside; but $50,000 would suffice. i'll take cash, thank you.
What was the last song you were listening to?: go back 892389382 questions
Have you ever been in a play?: two.
Who are your best friends?: i dont want to leave someone out, so i won't answer
Do you talk a lot?: if i know you or like you.
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: sometimes and sometimes.
Do you think you're cute?: i've been told i'm pretty, but i don't have a high opinion of my physical self.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?: what an odd question.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: no.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: friends win by default. and i hate you.
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: "did i just see that? oh yeah; they're allowed to."

strange note to end on.

request for an early death

me: president's day. there's a day for white people in february.
[censor]: but it's still black history month.
me: then why pick february?
[censor]: because it's short.

valentine's day

i realize this post is premature, but i felt like writing it tonight.

if you aren't in a relationship or can't find a date, the day is not only pointless but pretty damn depressing.

everyone is completely (or mostly, anways) absorbed in themselves and their other half, and you, oh god of being without, must submit to being exposed all day to the excessive kissing and exaggerated acts of love and kindness between desperate male and rosy-cheeked female.

it's almost sickening if you don't have anyone. granted, i've only been in a relationship come february fourteenth twice in my short life, but it sucks ass when you know how great the day can be if you've got someone special to share it with.

this year, i don't really care what people think. every other idiot who doesn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend - gay or straight - is my valentine.

that's right. i said it.

you've got a friend in me, buddy, because i am not - i repeat - am NOT going to let it be a shitty day.

so singles of tampa, happy valentine's day in advance. i love you, and i hope you aren't mad that i've claimed you regardless of your consent.

EVERYTHING!

since i suck so much at updating, i'll do a dream post today:

happy birthday, burp! i've really had a great junior and senior year (so far) with you as my friend. you've been there when i was down and doubting myself, and you helped me retain my sanity when i was sure i would lose it. you're beautiful, smart, and so very pianically talanted. i love you, and i hope your day is amazing!

in the words of a true friend:

"You make me smile when I want to cry out in despair (That sounds pretty damn dramatic, but I can't think of anything not gay at the moment)."

eep!

i wanted to say that. "eep!" doesn't actually have anything to do with this post.

quite the contrary - i have nothing of great interest to report. school is dragging on, but it's almost the weekend already. i have a possible party and garden state to look forward to, not to mention my terrific job.

i am nearly not in debt. i should be completely paid up by this time next week, but we shall see. money has a tendency to disappear when i'm in charge of it, like my ability to drive when i'm behind the wheel.

on grading essays in english: nobody really knows how to write. it saddens me so.

my craving for spearmint gum has been subdued for the time being. i've still got 35 more pieces to go until i can't stand it for another three years. mmm.

seeing as i really don't have anything to say, i'll stop here.

or will i?

...yes.

wendy bird

here are my excuses:

• tuesday: i was busy all afternoon cleaning and doing other chores, and at night i had to work on my project board because i decided to finish it before it was due.
• wednesday: i took a nap after school due to aforementioned late-night rendezvous with assignment and then had to work inventory until 10 pm.

does that count?

today i got a haircut. when i came home from jogging after getting a haircut, the haircut had curled.

haircut.

pepcid complete.

i feel a story capsule* coming on...

"nexium for the traveler, golden piano lamp, nectarine dream, play my harmonica, please."

that felt good.

how do you think the calculus test went? i either did really good or completely sucked. i have no idea which, but it can't possibly be in between.

i think there is a communion dish on this very desk (mom: "no. it isn't. it really isn't." ...sure.).

in other news, i now tutor two new students, both for pay. isn't it grand?

i'm done bragging and complaining. peace and cheesecake.

*i'm not crazy.

dear everyone,

how did you feel after watching the deliciouslyladenwithjudelaw movie, closer?

confused?

depressed?

both?

if you understood it and all its symbolic glory, please do explain.

love,
doodle

moosha moosha moosha - freeze!

my toes hurt.

in other news, i am having heat flashes. surprise; i'm fifty-five.

since it's illegal to download music without "paying" (whatever that means), i need to find a new, cheap song puddle in which to fish. any recommendations?

ursher got the beat to make ya booty go [clap].

it's a kitty on the top of the chair that i hate.

i wish i could post pictures. too bad i can't. maybe someday.

anyways, I LOVE YOU!

tick, tock...

come on, marching cowboys. any day now.

and we'll all flow on alright.

the summer just keeps looking funner and funner. it seems as though i'll be pretty busy just before heading up to gainesville in august, which is definately a plus. nine times out of ten, it is not a good idea to let me sit around and contemplate things.

for example, high school is almost over and i'm in fourth period with nothing to do but contemplate things.

anyways, i'm excited. i don't want to get too into it at this moment, but i really can't wait.

i wonder what others feel. excited? reluctant? a mixture of both?

the hesitation hasn't hit me yet, but i know it will come.

comments demanded and digressions welcome.

"high above the streets below when no one was around..."

what a fantastic weekend. i did so much that you'd get bored listening to me tell you about it. i would post some of the superb pictures i took (of course they're good; i took them.), but i still can't figure out this damned "hello" program.

i'll give you the highlights:

• friday: finally met bryan (cousin-in-law) and visited rockefeller center.
• saturday: ate american bastardized greek food, shopped aaall day (chinatown included) (which is INSANE, by the way), and saw avenue q ("come." "mittment." "come." "mittment." "com-" "mittment.").
• sunday: flea marketed-it, did some more "real" shopping, visited the closed-off (yet aesthetically pleasing, oddly enough) ground zero, and almost died in a taxi.
• today: was driven to the airport by a crazy little man whose hair was cut in a style verging on a mullet, then flew home after an hour-long delay (after everyone had boarded), seated next to an incredibly good-looking fellow.

i have already unpacked and taped and tacked ticket stubs and signs on my walls, so i'm un-new yorked.

moral of the story: sample the free food with caution.

i suck at updating.

happy birthday, sweeney! [nerf, nerf] you're a terrific friend and i can't wait for next year. i hope your day is full of fun and smiles (by the way, i work for hallmark.). "life is beautiful!"

bad week; better weekend.

that about sums it up.

peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee esssssssssssssssssss: if you want something from new york, let me know, give me dough, and i'll do my best to get it.

i'm a follower. what can i say?

Best and worst of 2004

1. Go to a party? yes
2. Try something new? yes
3. Have someone change your life? yes
4. Kiss someone? no comment.
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? yes
6. Buy something extravagant? yes
7. Do something nice for you? yes
8. Do something terribly wrong? yes
9. Move? no
10. Go to a concert? yes

Best of the Year:
1. Party: sweeney's or amber's. both were memorable.
2. Show: vagabond tales... not.
3. CD: copywrite (not made in 2004, though)
4. Movie: i don't know, 'ho.
5. Song: yeah!
6. Experience: letting go. finally. also, quitting leadership.
7. Concert: old fashioned tanya's on a friday night (hey. it works.)
8. Book: catch-22 or catcher in the rye
9. Month: june or july
10. Place you went to: ocean isle beach
11. Day: december 10th? anyone? anyone?

Worst of the Year:
1. Party: i'm smart enough to not answer.
2. Show: vagabond tales like woah.
3. CD: couldn't tell you.
4. Movie: the grudge
5. Song: "hey baby." you killed it for me, dream park. also, anything and everything by linkin park and avril fucking lavinge.
6. Experience: the youth group night (princess knows what i mean.)
7. Concert: ?
8. Book: mbe (technically a play, but same diff. it sucked.)
9. Month: may or august
10. Day: a sunday in august when everything just kind of sucked squared.


Hopes for 2005:
1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2005. i will be a happy freshman at uf with my terrific roommate in jennings hall.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? i wish we wouldn't be so ignorant.
3. What do you hope for yourself? to be more motivated and suck it up when i can't get out of things i don't want to do.
4. What do you hope for your family? to live?
5. What do you hope for your best friends? happiness and good decision-making. and fimes.

During 2004:
1. Where were you when it began? the hussin's
2. Did you stay up: to see the ball drop? yes.
3. What was your new year wish? i don't remember, but it probably didn't come true.
4. How many girlfriends/boyfriends: none; just dated.
5. Broke up: not possible.
6. Have any crushes? yes.
7. Care to mention names? not really.
8. New friends: yes.
9. Had to say goodbye: i miss my lawa fudgecow.
10. Missed anyone: did i call that or what?
11. Win anything? nothing memorable.
13. Worst place you went to: work or confession. i really don't know which is worse.
14. Happiest moment: jonathan thing.
15. How was your birthday: i don't remember the actual day, but the party was nothing special; nothing like what i have planned for this year.
16. Best present: digital camera

-Countdown-

TEN random things about me...
10. i have never smoked.
9. i still have bunny and talk to it.
8. my family owns exactly one dvd.
7. i think worms are cute.
6. on my first date, i wound up throwing gummy bears.
5. i hate, hate, HATE adam sandler.
4. i wouldn't mind being a black chick.
3. i dislike trucker hats.
2. i enjoy cleaning.
1. you can change my opinion on nearly anything.

NINE places I've visited...
9. ocean isle beach, nc
8. gatlinburg, tn
7. erie, pa
6. nyc
5. miami
4. houston
3. indianapolis, in
2. richmond, va
1. atlanta

EIGHT things I want to do before I die...
8. turn twenty-five
7. find "the one"
6. have some direction
5. sky-dive
4. break glass on purpose
3. buy a convertible
2. make something really neat (as in artwork or poetry)
1. slap someone

SEVEN ways to win my heart...
7. be funny
6. be appropriate
5. play nintendo
4. shut up when i'm angry
3. not talk down to me or make me feel even slightly inferior. ever.
2. love me in sweats and love me dressed up
1. not judge me

SIX things I believe...
6. people think i'm weak if they see me cry.
5. sometimes it's better to fuck up than to always be right.
4. deceit is nearly unforgiveable.
3. materialism is hilarious.
2. braces make everyone look falsely younger.
1. death isn't the end to anything.

FIVE things I'm afraid of...
5. ending up alone
4. being completely unhappy
3. someone finding my notebooks
2. appearing foolish
1. driving in the mountains

FOUR of my favorite items in my bedroom...
4. my viking thing
3. akr autographed collection (1930)
2. windows
1. randomness on my walls (not an item, i know, i know.)

THREE things I do everyday...
3. drink some amount of water
2. sleep
1. smile

TWO things I'm trying not to do right now...
2. fiddle
1. yawn

ONE person I want to see right now...
1. paige

looking back

i guess it's time to take a "retrospective look" at 2004 (yes, i did take the wording from x).

i had my good times...

• "juuuuuuust breeeeeeeeeathe."
• finally a senior
• seeing poodle
• uf-bound
• beginning a new notebook and having it be more successful than the last
• passing when i felt like failing
• making new friends ("there's MOSES in my eye!") and rediscovering old ones ("that looks like africa. you see it?")

i had my hard times...

• damn boys
• damn studying
• damn steinmart
• damn [some other things]

everything added together to make 2004 a year of many milestones and a lot of growing up.

to everyone i lost last year: conflict makes things interesting. just think of it that way.

to everyone i gained: you've most likely helped me to find myself, and i thank you for that.

happy new year.

ya gots to understand - trick LOVE the kids.

jennings, rawlings, and yuLEEEE better watch their backs. me and the sweenmeister are headed in their general direction.

i finally got most of the mess in my room cleaned up, and tomorrow i will be beating my brains out looking for damned mustangs. i can't wait, by the way.

of course, this is only if the contraption of death is still in working order.

question to all college-bound seniors: are you going to change your area code on your cell phone for next year? if you don't answer (and even if you do), i'll ask you in person.

drop the top and let the sunshine in. peace.

chris university

after an insanely outrageous week, i will be staying in tonight to recuperate.

by the way, this week was insanely outrageous.

i got a chance to talk to paigie-poo last night. i miss the summer. "the sailor said, 'brandy, you're a fine girl (you're a fine girl). what a good wife you would be (such a fine girl). but my life, my love, and my lady is the sea."

i went shopping with my mom and sister today. it was an experience not to be repeated with two hours of sleep after a somewhat outrageous night.

anyways, in other news:
-we have an nfl video. just why i couldn't tell you.
-i'm completely screwed where that project is concerned. remember that project? because i sure didn't.
-a lot of people are moving away, and by "a lot of people" i mean megan. elliot smith.
-MASQUERADE!
-i love my future roomie.

well, i could continue, but this postie kind of sucksie.

adieu.

merry christmas, everybody!

i guess that about sums it up.

hope everyone has a terrific day, with or without snow.

lifehouse

"when the world keeps spinning round,
my world's upside-down.
you and i wouldn't change a thing."

those lyrics don't relate to me much right now, but i still love that song.

how is everybody's break going so far?

one down, two to go

and then everybody's home free!

i'm at school right now. i just finished the engineering exam (which i got an "a" on despite the fact that i completely effed up one of the SIX questions), and i was going to go to the bank but i forgot my deposit slip.

talk to a seventh grader online sometime. it'll surprise you just how much you were like that only a short time ago.

according to my doctor, i can hear and am not anemic. i got a sparkly bandaid and a lollipop, too. oh, the benefits of being the oldest patient in a pediatric ward.

i'm not up to much else today besides studying and no good.

that's all folks!
(erin: yes, that was for you.)

let the exams begin!

i exempted first period, so i went out to breakfast with amber, christy, and kelly. it was very cold and blueberry.

after school, i did some mandatory last-minute shopping before alicia and i met up at my house and went out to paint ceramics.

i sent in my uf acceptance money (the first payment of many) or whatever it's officially called. i realize, also, that i need to find a new e-mail address, as the one i have is no longer free for offline users.

gay.

so tonight i'm looking forward to an amc movie, whatever happens to be on. electric blanket will cuddle with me, since no one else will.

tomorrow: sleep and studying.

that's that.

bunko!

last night i went over to christy's after work. it was nice doing something with just the girls. hopefully we'll have another sleepover sometime over break.

this week's schedule:

• monday: last real day of school.
• tuesday: no first period exam. dinky 30-minute classes until 2:45.
• wednesday: no exams. passport picture around 10:30 am, then who really cares?
• thursday: fourth period exam, then who really cares? studying for friday somewhere in there.
• friday: sixth and seventh period exams. probably out afterwards to celebrate the end of the semester. then work from 5 pm to about 10 pm. maybe out again, maybe not.
• saturday: work from 8 am to 5 pm. saturated with anticipation.

i used bullets for the first time in here. i feel free.

double spaced. no more "enter, enter." pampering of the pinky.

that was almost haiku-esque.

time to pet my kitties.

the heavens parted. a beam of light shone down through the disappearing clouds as the angels sang:

"Congratulations! Your application to the University of Florida for the 2005 FALL term has been approved. You will receive official notification and additional materials in the mail. We look forward to seeing you on campus in the very near future!"

oh, and "haaaaalleluja! haaaalleluja! halleluja! halleluja! hallEEluja!"

babbitt!

"laughing at ourselves, thinking life's not fair..."

i know i've been saying that i can't wait to get out of here, but the truth is that there are a few things i will really miss.

there won't be any sunday drives to clear my head for the start of the new week. there won't be any mommies or daddies to kiss goodnight, and there won't be any old flames you can run into or hear about when your friends run into them.

there won't be kitties on your bed and there won't be neighbors cutting your lawn. there won't be your best friend living right around the corner, and there won't be a whole house to come home to every day.

there won't be seven class periods and the time in between them. club days will be no more, and ap classes become college classes.

there won't be any vitamin c singing your anthem tonight when you stop to think about just how long this chapter is that you're concluding.

even though it's only the end of the first semester, the second will pass just as quickly.

here's to the class of 2005. make the best of everything.

he knows not where he's going to.

what a restful weekend.

not.

by the end of the day, i will have completed an absolutely massive amount of work. why?, you ask. because the end of the semester is upon us, and every single teacher thought it would be cute to assign a project, an exam review, an essay, or an experiment (or some variation or combination of the mentioned headaches).

wow, gaither staff. you are SO funny.

in all honesty, i'm already done with most of it. what's getting me is the friday deadline for experimentation on my engineering project, mainly because i may have to secretly tweak the date and make it december twentieth instead of the tenth.

break is officially over. back to work.

beep, beep! beep, beep! yeah!

december everywhere

the semester is practically over, though it seems like it was july only a week ago.

but i'm certainly not too nostalgic, as this summer is going to be, hands-down, the best summer ever.

1. where ever.
still haven't decided quite where to go for my all-expenses-paid trip, but who cares? i'm going there, right?

2. myrtle beach.
of course, there are details that have to be worked out and i'm the newbie, but who cares? it's still freaking myrtle the turtle beach.

3. road trip (?).
questionable. probably won't happen, come to think of it, but i'd still like to think that it will.

4. steinmart who?
since i'm going to be doing a lot of traveling and haning out with friends one last time before we have our final hurrah and shove off to the four corners of florida, i won't have much time to spend working at stein-stein. perhaps i just may quit instead of asking for one week off every other week.

5. that's it.

so trip, trip, probably-won't-happen trip, and no more job. that's my idea of a fanFREAKINGtastic summer, alright.

yo-yo's roomies

i can't say that i remember much of what happened today. it's not like i wasn't there, but i honestly don't remember. just "make a wish" bear in psych and dream's special pillow.

man, am i tired.

the project of absolute crap is working somewhat. the data cannot be interpreted, as it is not accurate to what it SHOULD be, but hey - i have numbers, so who really cares how right they are?

not me, and i certainly won't give it two thoughts ten days from now when something hopefully very beautiful arrives in the mailbox declaring how i will or will not spend the next four years of my life.

oh well. if i don't get in, i'll go do something stupid instead of go to college, like become a "missionary" or join the "coast guard," traveling the "world."

i don't think it would be that bad. i mean, i could just not go to college, disappoint my parents, and hold a series of odd yet incredibly gratifying jobs that reward me with pretty little paychecks for the rest of my life. not that i want to be a terri or anything, but i wouldn't mind not trudging through an absolute minimum of four more years of education.

how can uf refuse an offer like that?

i need to get out of here. too many smells.

pictures are fun for everyone.

it's going to be one of those homework sundays.

i got a digital camera yesterday. that was fun. i'm still learning how to use it, but it's pretty self-explanitory so far.

um. go uf. dragonball z for life.

[title]

the sculptor


i want to be a model.
i want to show the strength of my maker.
mold me in your hands
and do what you feel you need to do -
what you want to do,
even -
to make me perfect
every time you look at me.
dream
and make me what you dream;
love
and make me what you love.
you keep your hands
so full of blood and breath
and soon
clay becomes woman
who exists solely for you.

you make your art -
life flowing from your fingers
like waterfalls;
your masterpiece is me.

third time's the charm.

after two dramatized attempts, i find myself on my third draft.

plain and simple, things are pretty messed up, but there isn't exactly much i can do to help fix them and make things better. people will do what they want to do, and impulse is at the heart of many mistakes.

i've come to realize that people fuck up a lot, even the ones who teach you how not to fuck up. some people feel resentment, some never do. i'm sure that many things factor into each circumstance, but sometimes it's flat-out wrong to feel completely normal.

i know i'm being judgemental and i also know that i'm not one to judge where guilt is concerned, but it seems to me that a lot of people deserve better.

ckocko mario kart

i have received a letter from my aunt sue entitling me to a trip to pretty much anywhere. i think i'm going to shoot for atlantis.

i didn't do anything of much interest this weekend, so this is the part where i make things up:

friday after work i went to see i heart huckabees with a certain tortuga. we then came back to my house where he played my guitar for a little while and then left around one. how charming.

today i spent the morning shopping, but spending the money of others. i worked all afternoon, and i'm going out to a concert later tonight. it's probably going to be a local band or something. i mean, i can only guess because it's a surprise christmas present. ooh la la.

so now that i'm done lying, i'll go.

tootsi.

certified twenty. yeah.

how bad do you want a song to be written for you and played in front of a grandoise audience?

me too.

so, what have we learned today? mr. psychologist is afraid for sweeney ("there's moses in my eye!") and vocational rehabilitation is not a desirable career for anyone ever.

schwing.

i can't wait for the holidays. i'm pretty much done with christmas shopping. now it's time to download music from the nutcracker and enjoy for the next month and a half.

dear november,

be cold.

love,
maggie.

chicago corner

crazy night that began with soccer and ended in scarf hilarity.

tomorrow morning i'm picking out a digital camera for christmas, and then running around tampa doing my science project. bill currie ford is probably my new best friend.

"i was spinning into a dark hole
when javatropolis saved my soul."

candy love

do you guys identify with that beat?

i love this song.

gonna get back to basics.
guess i'll start it up again.
i'm falling from the ceiling;
you're falling from the sky now and then.
maybe you were shot down in pieces;
maybe i slipped in between.
but we were gonna be the wildest people they ever hoped to see -
just you and me.
so why'd you come home to this sleepless town?
it's a lifetime commitment
recovering the satellites.
all anybody really wants to know is
when you gonna come down.
your mother recognizes all your desperate displays
and she watches as her babies drift violently away
'til they see themselves in telescopes.
do you see yourself in me?
we're such crazy babies, little monkey;
we're so fucked up, you and me.
so why'd you come home to this faithless town,
where we make a lifetime commitment
to recovering the satellites?
and all anybody really wants to know is
when are you gonna come down.
she sees shooting stars and comet tails.
she's got heaven in her eyes.
she says i don't need to be an angel,
but i'm nothing if i'm not this high.
but we only stay in orbit
for a moment of time,
and then you're everybody's satellite;
i wish that you were mine.
so why'd you come home to this angel's town?
it's a lifetime decision
recovering the satellites.
everybody really knows for sure
that you're gonna come down,
that you're gonna come down.

'bama it all to hell.

"and ill hang around as long as you will let me,
and i never minded standin' in the rain.
you dont have to call me darlin', darlin';
you never even call me by name."

i miss lawa.

selling the drama

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, and here i am - stuck in the middle with ALL.

it's been this way for quite a while. i guess i figured things would settle down after school started and i got into a routine again, but it just isn't happening.

dating aside, there are still many things that that repetitive, repetitive song can apply to. a few friends - actually, just one - have become so distant lately that i don't think i can even begin to patch things up without sounding like a complete fag, but i'm beyond the point of caring enough to not care about sounding gay. i am absolutely ecstatic about college, but it hurts to know that this is the last time i'm going to be a kid. i can't wait to get out of here, but i feel like i won't be able to look back and enjoy the nostalgia.

there are so many other things i could talk about, but i don't want to get into much more detail on the specifics. i've just been pretty spacey lately, i guess. not that it's unusual for me, but some things pass me by and i just don't care anymore.

i guess that's why i'm stuck in the middle with you.

finally

after a few days of completely not working, blogger has once again decided to be functional.

yet still not a differentiable function, as in the kind on the calculus test tomorrow which i have driven myself crazy over for the past three hours.

i LOVE snooow. i LOVE snooow. la, da, da. i love it sooooooooooooooo!

telephone insuranceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

and then along came zeus.

erin, on a tangent when discussing team america:

"team shitty! team we suck! team we like it in the butt! team george w! team we really hate poor people! team bomb other countries! TEAM OVERCOMPENSATING! team get out of this country faggots! what team are you describing? why, TEAM WE'RE BETTER THAN YOU. TEAM JINGO."

(help!)