adieu, adieu.

i mean it this time. last post f'real.

i hope everyone has an incredible kick-off to their summers (even though that technically happened a few weeks ago. meh.). take notes and fill me in on everything that happens, especially if someone orders a sprite when there's only sierra mist.

i love you!

rrraul.

i woke up at 5:30 this morning scared to death. it sounded like a fire hose was spraying on my windows and lightning was flashing nearly every seconds. after i realized that it was just a thunderstorm, i went to find my kitties - both were soaking. needless to say, the whole beach thing didn't work out, but perhaps ridiculous 80s teen movies are just what i needed anyways.

i'm beginning to sound a lot like someone i don't like. appologies.

TOMORROW IS IT! i can't wait! have you ever seen euros? they're colorful and come in different sizes, depending on how much they're worth. i can't wait to spend them on things i definately don't need but definately want, because hey - how many non-greek people do you know who have visited greece more than once?

that's what i thought.

so far i've made one collage, given myself a manicure and pedicure, and prepared yet another list of things to do (i need a planner. NEED.). since nothing is on the agenda for a few more hours, i'm going to carry on with my self-centeredness and continue pampering and doing whatever i please. i hope everyone has a great day, even though it's crappy outside.

gates of greeceland

the big shove-off occurs in about 36 hours. except for a few things i need to pack tomorrow night or wednesday morning, i'm all set to go. for everyone whose address i don't have and won't have before leaving, you get my boring stories and picture narrations in place of postcards (and you thought you got out unharmed.).

so saturday night i went over to chad's house and watched pi. it's one of those independent films that was made for thinking - something you'd think is a strong suit for me. not the case. carri had to explain the entire thing, brain poking and all. i'm still not certain i understand it. maybe i'll plan a pi night when i get back and have coffee and open discussion.

and be the most boring person in the world.

tomorrow everyone is going to the beach. i thought it would be fun, as jim is leaving wednesday too, but he'll be staying gone. it's sad, though, because i won't be seeing him when school starts. that's one person i'm going to miss.

see? graduating high school is fun up until you take the time to think about just what it is you're leaving behind and moving away from, or who is moving away from you, or what you're giving up to grow up.

my name is still carrie bradshaw, in case there was any question.

erin moved away today. unfortunately, i won't get to see her new apartment until july, but i'm excited for her. i hope things go well.

...shamu!

i'm out of stuff to say. hopefully i'll remember to update this tomorrow afternoon when i'm all tan, because i hate to leave this as my last post for the next month. not that tomorrow i'll be any more enlightened or have anything of great significance to say, but still; the word "shamu" is in the post. i don't roll like that.

this time next week...

i will be in athens, getting ready to go on a thirteen-day cruise of the greek islands.

if you're lucky, i will also be writing you a post card.

please send addresses.

"amazed by you"

i wish this was easier,
but it never is,
is it?
all you have to do
is look at me
and i'm an idiot,
walking around in mud and heels
or fire and ice
just to put a smile on your face.
you think you don't impact me,
but not a day goes by
that some thought of you,
some trace element
doesn't seep into my thoughts,
forcing me to remember you.

and of course i don't remember the bad;
that's why i am your fool.
you could slap me around
for the rest of my life
and it would only make me happy.
do you know that already?
you could do anything you fancy -
cut me, stab me, piece me
with your words
or with your persistent apathy -
and i would love you all the same.

i know you don't care,
but it doesn't change anything.
i just wanted to write you this shitty poem
to make myself feel more incomplete.

the verdict:

last night was fucking amazing. i had so much fun and everyone else seemed to enjoy themselves, as well. i danced almost the entire time and have once again acquired the nice, "hey! i'm a man!" voice. puff and rob showed up and stayed until the end, which pleasantly surprised me, considering they didn't go to gaither. i even got erin to dance and be stupid and funny, even though she's "old." everyone looked incredible, especially the hosts. chris was sporting the casual sheik look, christy with the elegant appeal, marisol with the laid-back and relaxed style, susan with the dark - yet inviting and cute - look, sweeney with the "who's ready to party?" dress, and maggie... well, she just looked hot.

i had such a great time last night and i hope you guys did, too.

three cheers for narcissism.

grad party what?

tonight is the momentous occasion we have all been waiting for: EL GRAD PARTY. i'm pretty dern excited, and i can't wait to get there. i will fill you in on how it went tomorrow (or whenever i get around to updating again), even though if you're reading this you were probably there.

"i wanna hear you whisper..."

today was terrific. it's so sunny and i'm sad i couldn't have spent it outside, but it was just such a beautiful and clean day that i can't help but be happy regardless of all the confusion and turmoil and hectic schedules. today, none of it mattered. it was just... terrific.

chance time?

the past few weeks have been a little crazy. in fact, i'm beginning to think that i'm a little crazy. today i acknowledged the fact that i would never make it to 5:00 and quit at 2:00, came home, attempted without success to sleep, and ended up cleaning my closet and dresser (yes. this IS important.).

why am i telling you this?

because this is my journal and i can write whatever i damn well feel like writing.

i got my prom pictures today. someone's eyes were closed. thank you, brynn alan, for totally taking two shots because i dress up like that so often.

it's tired in here. i think i should stop. fingers, end.

they refuse to listen.

so this one time in tampa...

a hundred ships a day

"brandy" was on the radio tonight; it's officially summer vacation.

i have yet to get sentimental. i wrote a few things that indicate otherwise, but i truly don't feel it. then again, it was only yesterday that i left the gaither senior parking lot for the last time in my life, so perhaps it will catch up with me later. who knows? maybe i'm heartless and will never care enough.

i'm so full of it. i know as well as every other girl reading this that i'll be crying pretty hard next tuesday. hopefully i'll be able to keep it under control. if not, that's life; you're born, you learn, you die, and sometimes you get whip-lash in between.

take for example the time i did the running bunjee with sweeney yesterday - prime example of delayed whip-lash.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm eighteen and i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about. i hope you don't mind, because i'll wonder for life this while you're in the world.

fin.

"stop"

stay with me in this moment.
moonlight and hesitation,
questions and small talk -
don't move an inch,
because the stars in your eyes
on this suddenly unordinary night
are killing me to look at,
killing me to look away from.
i want it all,
and i want no part of it.
forget everything we aren't saying
and pretend like it's how it appears:
that nothing is happening
and everything is perfectly,
casually normal;
that this is simply a summer-laced night
with no promises of anything romatic
and certainly no hint of confusion
or any emotion stronger than apathy;
that the ever-exapanding universe
hasn't caught me by surprise
in this dry and awkward heat
by throwing you into my field of vision
and making me see you
as though for the first time.

no; don't move an inch,
or it will run away.

what a FABulous day!

i don't think it could have been better. from my little mermaid watch (i didn't know the amish rolled like that, emma.) to the nerf guns (hey - i mean it. maurice is fierce. cross the line of demarcation next year and i'll bust a styrofoam cap in your ass, sweeney.) to the pinkishness (dream, you really couldn't have picked better accessories. i love them SO much! and the balloon was also very much appreciated. i love the attention, and you definitely know that.) to the hello kittiness (another great idea. the rope lights are definitely going to uf, but i think the bag is too cute to put my dirty clothes in. thanks graham!) to the flowers (a total surprise. they are so beautiful and vibrant and smell like the angel you are, puffie.) to the gator paraphenalia (how did you know i was a fan, kim?), it certainly was an awesome day. thank you for making it special, everyone. just knowing you guys are there for me is enough. i love you!

"all over you, all over me,
the sun, the fields, the sky..."

it's tomorrow, annie.

after tonight's big fiasco, i must say that i'm more excited for tomorrow. i know that it's still just a day and that it doesn't mean anything on its own, and that since i spent all my time up until right now not caring it won't mean much because i didn't intend for it to. but i guess it's still cool. at least i can do something next wednesday. just what, i don't know, but i'm doing something.

congratulations to everyone who went tonight. you guys are really amazing and i'm very proud of you.

language acquisition? who?

that's how the essay part was, but who cares? i'm done! forever! with everything! and i even got out of school before you did.

call from amber about twenty minutes ago:
"hey! how's it going?"
"great! you?"
"good. ...so you like coffee, right?"
"yeah."
"ok. would you prefer coffee or tea?"
"coffee."
"do you drink caffienated or decaf?"
"well, i usually drink decaf."
"ok!"
"why?"
"hey. i'm the one asking the questions here."
"ok."
"see you tomorrow!"
"bye?"

tomorrow night is the senior achievement banquet. i hear tell it's long, so i think i'm going to wear my minnie mouse dress for sideline entertainment.

i had to execute the picture uploader. it made the computer sick, so i hope you liked the ones i put on here because it looks like they're going to be the only ones ever.

i have to work tonight in mens. i don't know where anything is, nor do i know the significance of the numbers that apparently denote size. basically, i'm screwed. damn hungarian terrian and her vindex and wacuum commands.

i resign from thinking.

cha cha again.

back to normal? i hope so.

prom rocked. i loved my hair, my dress, my nails, my self-done makeup (thank you very much), my date, my corsage, the limo, the dinner, the everything. everyone looked amazing - the girls in the prettiest formals and the guys clean-shaven and bow-tied. it was an unforgettable night.

i spent sunday catching cat-naps when i could. i fell asleep outside and woke up feeling like my skin was on fire - NOT funny - so i went inside, took out my hair with three pairs of hands, and showered my famous eight-gallons of hairspray away. i went to work to show the girls pictures and hand out invitations, and then i shopped for an unequal ratio of time to things bought.

tomorrow is my last ap exam ever. if you hear a scream of pure, elated joy around 3:45, it will be me completing my last real assignment in high school.

that's about it.

oh, and facebook me or die.

prommie!

so tomorrow's the big day. nails in the morning, hair in the early afternoon, and pictures at 5:45. then it's off to dinner and dancing the night away.

am i excited?

hells yeah! (i had to, sweeney.)

i can't wait. it'll be so much fun. limo and everything.

...GAH! come on, tomorrow! get here already!

i finally downloaded a picture uploader. you can expect a lot of this nonsense from now on, so i hope you enjoy.

pink lady.

orangsicle.

ain't no holla back for the 'luda.

gwen, THIS shit is bananas.

iiiiiii.

haaaaaaaate.

COMMENCEMENT SPEECHES!

(or at least the thought of giving one.)

let the games begin.

this week starts the end of my high school career. with the coming of aps and the ending of classes, it's kind of strange to know that from here on out it will only ever hurt me to sleep in a class.

but enough of that. my sister graduated yesterday. she actually found us sitting in the stands, which was odd but cool. i'm really proud of her.

friday was spent working and grad partying (which was a total blast by the way). i was still a bit deaf when i got up saturday. sinus infection plus faceache plus ringing ears yields best time ever.
i realize that i suck at updating. when exams are over and a girl can get some sleep around here, it's back to the normal, quasi-efforted and multi-paragraphed entries (because while it may seem like i'm already there, it took me thirty uninterupted minutes to come up with everything i just wrote.).

armadillo hug.