"amazed by you"

i wish this was easier,
but it never is,
is it?
all you have to do
is look at me
and i'm an idiot,
walking around in mud and heels
or fire and ice
just to put a smile on your face.
you think you don't impact me,
but not a day goes by
that some thought of you,
some trace element
doesn't seep into my thoughts,
forcing me to remember you.

and of course i don't remember the bad;
that's why i am your fool.
you could slap me around
for the rest of my life
and it would only make me happy.
do you know that already?
you could do anything you fancy -
cut me, stab me, piece me
with your words
or with your persistent apathy -
and i would love you all the same.

i know you don't care,
but it doesn't change anything.
i just wanted to write you this shitty poem
to make myself feel more incomplete.