Butts

Pickles are ruining the entire damn world.

A Summer Song

And when the rain beats against my window pane,
I'll think of summer days again,
And dream of you,
And dream of you.

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Remember those guys from the PAAS Easter egg dye kits that you never used except to stick in your sister's hair when she wasn't looking? The girl I sat next to on the bus this afternoon was equally as stupid. Let me explain:

Beautiful, sunny afternoon. Jumped on the 9 and got the last seat. Bus takes off, wheels go round, etc, etc, etc.

The girl next to me takes out her phone to call who I can only assume is an equally shallow iPod girl with handbags bigger than an average steering wheel. She starts talking about ohmygosh FINALS! and, like, thu-ree papers I have to turn in by Friday, and that's why last time I made Kev drive when we went home last weekend and I just CRASHED when we got there!!!

So basically it's any old 4 o'clock ride home - until she brings her ass into it. She didn't use my dumb girl voice but if I were to recount this tramatic incident of indecent overhearing to you in person, I'm afraid I would have to use it. I swear this is what Paris said:

"Oh my gosh. I NEEEEEED to start, like, working out and stuff more. Like, you know, like I'm not gonna do the whole eating right thing and stuff, but like the working out I NEED to do. I've really let myself go. I mean, I used to be okay and now I'm, like, I'm CHUBBY!!!"

Okay. Whatever. I can deal with a fat chick. But that wasn't the end of her cry-story:

"Like, yeah. We should work out. Like, not the eating healthy shit, but like go running and stuff. 'Cause, like, I was noticing in my class today how everyone else is gaining weight, too. 'Cause now it's hotter out so, like, people are, like, wearing more, like, REVEALING clothes and we're all a little fatter. Like, winter and stuff and holidays, ya know?"

The topper on the cake wasn't that she was skinny; the only girls bitchy enough to say something like "Everyone's getting SUUUUUUPER fat!" on a crowded RTS bus are always the size of my wrist and have never had to suffer through thighs that - heaven forbid - have touched. No, no. What did it was that this bitch is in MY CLASSES! And we've had that damn assignment all semester, taint-fritter!

So you know what? Chug a Natty Ice. No one's gonna love you no matter how much more weight you lose 'cause you suck and still don't get why they play Postal Service on the UPS commercials.

Now I'm gonna go drink some Tang and watch Even Stevens.

Fun Fact!

Black olives will kill you.