jesus raul

get me off this crazy thing called love.

well, that was interesting.

fortunately, sweeney saved me last night by letting me sleep over at her house, where i caught the wimblies.

"what's up?"
"chillaxin'."
"do you need a laxative?"

props to april for her drive-by hugging.

oh, mrs. doubtfire.

i would end this properly, but - you know.

everybody wants to pass as cats.

i heard "here's to the night" yesterday.

it's almost october. i know we haven't even finished one quarter yet, but this is it - this is really it.

you sat there in second grade thinking you would die before you graduated; you never imagined yourself sitting in a chair in late september of your senior year thinking of the past you and where you were as opposed to where you are.

it's going to be over soon i know, and the next four years will become yesterdays in no time at all. it's odd to think how quickly time goes by just as you're wanting it to slow down.

even still, i absolutely can't wait.

i guess i'm just a hurricane.

i broke a witch.

that was definately the funniest moment of the day.

you know how unfuny it is when a customer loses a one hundred and forty dollar bracelet?

very.

amber and i are going out in a little while. tomorrow night i will hopefully get to see my mentor and mind reader.

other than that, that's pretty much it. have a BEAUTIFUL night.

i don't like being misunderstood.

and to be honest, i think that's all i've been lately.

so i'm going to quit.

sure - i'll still say things as indirectly as ever, but i'm coming to realize that you can't be understood without another wanting to understand.

when i laugh, it's not out of cruelty; it's just what i felt like doing, so i did it.
when i cry, it's not because i'm sad; stress and empathy make me do that sometimes.

so with you over there and me not so much farther away than the thickness of a grain of sand, i'll let you know how it's going to be.

some people laugh at dreamers, but we're not that at all.

if the past years were dreaming, then sleep is all i want.

standing on the precipice of big time

"perfect love drives out all fear."

thank you, john. i'll try to keep that in mind.

as for now, i'm relishing in all the options and having no clue what lovely door to step inside. the only thing that i fear is being alone, or lacking love.

funny how that works, isn't it?

so what is "perfect love," and what is "fear?"

only a handful of times have i experienced perfect love, and it's not what you think it is, either. i'm not talking about the boyfriend kind of love or the parent kind of love or the best friend kind of love or the really-big-crush kind of love; i'm talking about something inside of you you only experience when you need it the most to keep you going, to keep you strong, to keep you alive and well and happy and hoping.

fear? that's something we all experience, and i have no other interpretation of it for you than the one you provide yourself with.

sometimes it seems that there are so many things in life to fear that there can be no perfect love, no hope for humanity in times of suffering or stress or complete lack of direction.

and then, right when you expect it the least in the most unlikely situation you can think of to date, it happens. it washes over you and you would like to say you didn't know it was coming when it started, but you did. it comes out of your heart and swims through your body, touching every part that had been asleep for lack of motivation or out of fear of being brought to consciousness. it all awakens so suddenly and there you are, standing in a sunset or under the moon. one minute you're who you've been; the next, you're who you haven't been for a long time.

i guess that's my favorite thing to experience - this perfect love we so often seek and so rarely find.

if you don't know what i'm talking about, i suggest you find out, but i find it difficult to believe that anyone could have gotten this far without ever having felt it.

we count only blue cars.

it's been a good morning.

and also, rachel is eighteen today.

my stomach is still being kind of gay, but that's alright.

back to rachel, i'm going to have some more fantastic plans tonight. boy i cannot wait bt i still love you townhouse oh boy fun times mel c jen i love you guys you are such a great sister jess oh my gosh ryan is a fag.

i can't wait for homecoming. i really can't. it's going to be so much fun.

it is, it is.

i'm going to go pretty-up for workio. have a great afternoon, you.

and suddenly, an orange.

i'm a bit more myself now that i've talked it all out and let things settle.

in fact, i'm feeling pretty damn good at the moment.

"hi. my name is llaves or raul or something, and i did something incredibly productive tonight. TWICE."

so now that no one knows what i'm talking about, i'll fill you in:

JUST KIDDING!

everybody knows it sucks to grow up.

sunday, sunday, sunday - what a day.

i really can't update because i really don't have anything appropriate to say. while that may not have stopped me before, it's stopping me now.

i know i say things and then i don't do them, but i might not update for a while. i'm just not in the "hey. let's be us." kind of mood right now.

so, without further adieu, i leave you with a word from the man who wrote my anthem without my knowing it:

"the years go on and we're still fighting it."

chicken chunnks. ...not!

with boarded windows, it is impossible to tell what time of day it is.

i feel like a bobo.

shit, fuck, dammit.

thank you, beta, for the inspiration.

i noticed a lot of coincidences today. not that any of them were particularly significant, but i just noticed a lot of them.

good gosh. i'm tired.

goodnight.

rex manning and company

today, loves, i post my three-hundredth entry.

what makes it even more beautiful is that exactly one year ago tomorrow i started this edition of maggie, unscripted.

that would mean that i posted precisely three hundred entries in one year.

well, i found it interesting, anyways.

point is, there are a lot of birthdays in september, and i'm going out tonight, so i hope you have a great eternal weekend, as weather does not seem to be in florida's favor anymore.

brand, on predicting whether school will be in session on monday: "it all depends on this idiot* that's headed our direction."

*hurricane ivan

bazooka 'zooka bubble gum

tomorrow is a day that shall live in famy, but i cannot reveal my beautiful surprise until then.

oh, and what a lame surprise it is.

anyways, i broke my third computer today in engineering. erv supposedly fixed it, but when i left fourth period it would not restart but only say that i had indeed f-ed up. something about a drive not fitting, which is complete crap.

i. hate. matlab.

today was alright other than that. tomorrow is friday, which made this a very easy week, and i have found a new hobby (for the time being). like everything else, i'll get sick of it if you'd just give me time to realize my crime.

i'm sorry. i really am. i won't do it again, karma chameleon, even though you come and go.

i mean, loving would be easy if your colors were like the wind: red, gold, and green.

red, gold, and green.

caterpillars that do the worm

i missed school. five days of weekend is five days too many.

i wrote both of my essays yesterday for my application and have set them aside for the rest of the week, hoping that with time they will become ripe and insightful.

what a load.

i have taken a liking to painting. it is my new boyfriend for the time being.

before i go, i have to ask you a question. you are required to answer it honestly:

do you really want to hurt me?

puddles and pinball

"it's lonely here in outer space.
the nearest stars are miles away,
but i believe i'm on to something big."

i guess i'm in between. everything is now "this time two years ago," and it's just lonesome and very losery to be saying things like that.

i love that i have no commitments to anyone, no devotions to anyone, no promises i must keep, no questions i must answer. i love feeling what i want to feel, wearing what i want to wear, being who i want to be and changing for no one unless i want to. i love trying out new things and not having to always worry about the consequences.

but i don't love not having someone i can call my own, someone to be there for me when i don't even realize i need them them most, someone to kiss me on the forehead when i cry and hold my hand to make it go away.

"... but people don't just sit around all day waiting for things to end - you have to relish it while it's there; otherwise, you're missing the whole point."

i guess that should be something to live by.

sorry i don't make any sense. it's just that it's really hard sometimes when love is dangled right in front of your face and you can't catch it to save you.

proportionally

only the second half of my street had the power go out.

all day.

everyone else was apparently fine.

but it wasn't that bad. i called dreamboat and we had some laughs, and later i went over to jim's house.

if you're wondering how we're faring over on the w. c. d. and you don't live in-state, it's probably just like how it is at your house, except there are pieces of tree everywhere, the pool is literally overflowing, and it hasn't stopped raining in over twenty-four hours.

other than that, we really didn't get it too bad - i just feel bad for those who did.

just to give the non-locals an idea:

the rain is sometimes falling horizontally, which makes it not really falling but flying. the winds kick up at least once every minute such that all the shubbery and plants growing alongside a wall or window plaster themselves upon the house. there aren't really any clouds, but rather one large gray mass where the sky used to be. nothing drastic has happened here (yet), so hopefully nothing will. the power is still on, but i haven't seen one car go by all morning.

the neighbors moved back to pakistan.

shallow days

adam duritz, you can sum up my life in a few lines.

hey mr. freedom -
what are we supposed to think?

homework assignment:

after viewing suspect zero , rent empire records .

the first person to tell me what made me and alicia nearly piss our pants tonight wins the gold.

oh, and twenty dollars or something.

minus the twenty dollars and the gold; i'll just give you something.

x 2

well, well, well. it looks as though we have another hurricane on our hands.

while this is a dangerous perdicament in which we find ourselves, it is also a no-school perdicament.

natural disasters, i knew you were good for something.

spider king

i never realized just how funny the wide world of ebaum truly is until last night.

tonight is question marks still, so we'll see.

it was a much better day today than yesterday. the sudden death calculus test wound up not having horrendous results, and i mustered up the courage to put in twenty cents worth in english. i did the engineering lab correctly, and i missed my usual two on the history quiz ("did you study? did you study? huh? did you study?").

henery the eighth i am, i am.

everyone who didn't donate blood raise your hand.

i guess it's just me and the underclassmen.

needles. i mean, it doesn't even sound slightly pleasurable. no satisfaction guaranteed.
"i donated blood, but now i have a HUGE GAPING HOLE IN MY VEIN. how are you?"
"i'm intact, thank you."

that's my day.