What I Love:

1. The smell of rain, Rick's Wait style
2. Loud laughter.
3. People who tell me I mispronounce "sure."

Oh. My.

Gah.

I remember when in my younger, more awkward teen years people I knew, hardly knew, or really didn't know at all would comment on "...how BIG you've gotten," how "...grown UP you are," and/or the fact that no, for the umpteenth time, "Well, you're sure not the little Maggie that would hide behind her daddy's knees!" That bothered the hell out of me.

And I sit here today, parusing through MySpace bulletins like it's my job, and it occurs to me that the girl I always considered to be a little sister to me is, in reality, not so little anymore. She's going to be a high school freshman and her brother (Get this:) is going to be graduating next May.

...What the hell?

Granted I would never, ever mention to either of them that it's really strange that they grew up, as planned. I suppose it's just not what I expected.

Now that I've said my piece, I will put on my gauchos, light a cinnamon-scented candle, and take the straightener to my still virgin hair and prepare for an evening at the theatre with some of the lovliest, sorta grown-up ladies I know.

Wouldn't it be loverly?

I heard another piano of unknown origin. It was just a few minutes ago. It made me smile.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

How many blue cars to get to the center of Dale Mabry?

Tripping hard, falling down onto the ground
Because I can't stand up
and I can't fall down,
Because I'm somewhere in the middle of this...

The afternoon was hot and stuck to my skin like a dirty Band-Aid. I always loved summer, but I hated the humidity and burning metal on the sides of sunglasses. I had been itching to come home and enjoy the everythingness of those precious months away from demanding syllabi and playing catch-up when I "forgot" to keep up-to-date with assignments, and here it was, the sweltering glitter that blanketed May, June, July, and August, and here I was, stunned by just how... hot it was.

I was on my way to work - you know, the old three-to-nine shift - when I decided the radio wasn't doing it for me. I popped in a CD without looking to see what it was, hoping I could surprise myself again. The first track started slow and soft and immediately I was brought back to my freshman year of high school, perhaps four years ago to the date.

I thought of that concert we went to and the incredible shirt-shaped sunburn with which I left, those pictures we took and the T-shirts we had every group sign. I thought of how loud it got when the night crept in and the headline band began its awesome performance. I thought of the ride back home and your dad and Kathy and how much you hated her, and presently I began to wonder if you still hated her. That got me to thinking about how we don't talk these days, and then, naturally, my mind wandered to that sentence that has lately been Sharpied upon most of my thoughts:

Look at how much I've changed since then.

It's incredible, really, to look back a mere four years into the past and discover you are someone you truly were not. I always imagine it like this: if my then self were to meet my present self, would my then self really believe me? Would I know I was actually the same me?

Since I burned that CD, I have done a lot of growing up, diagonally, and horizontally (but never down). I have experienced a lot, done a lot, and had a lot happen to me that my then self would have deemed out of the realm of possibilities, such as that most unfortunate accident last January, going commando to a job interview, giving a speech in front of several thousand strangers, presenting a report in a foreign language on someone very near and dear to my heart without ever choking on my words, and boys. My sister has graduated college and I am forced to accept the fact that she is a real, live adult, my parents are actually my friends, I understand how credit cards work, and I have decided exactly where the line is drawn between "I should laugh" and "I shouldn't laugh, but I can't help it." I have learned that taking action (or not taking action) that you are politically, morally, socially, relgiously, or otherwise not supposed to take (or not not take) can be justified if you learn even the tiniest thing from said action (or non-action) by my own experience (or lack of experience). Most specifically, I have suffered through a severely broken heart, several inhibiting obsessions, and inumerable bottomless pits of despair which, despite all preconceived notions regarding bottomless pits of despair, in fact turned out to have a most tightly stretched trampoline at the bottom, waiting in sheer anticipation to emotionally bounce me right back to the place I had been before.

I guess my point is this: I know I've been writing a lot of similar things lately (at least that's how it seems to me), but life has really picked up somewhere between those blooming days of high school and the following four summers.

I am proud of who I am. I am making my own way.

If I was a rich girl...

Looks like I just may be one by the end of the summer. I've got the whole two-job thing going, and I'm making the hourly rate I was hoping for.

Now if the sun would just come out...

Finger things

It's funny, this thing we do. It's like I we never ended - we've been going ever since we met.

And you know what? It makes me love you all the more.

Your Song

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside.
I'm not one of those who can easily hide.
I don't have much money, but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live.

If I was a sculptor, but then again - no -
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show...
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do:
My gift is my song and this one's for you.

And you can tell everybody this is your song.
It may be quite simple but now that it's done,
I hope you don't mind,
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss.
Well a few of the verses... well, they've got me quite cross.
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song;
It's for people like you that keep it turned on.

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do -
You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue.
Anyway, the thing is - what I really mean:
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen...

What a silly, gloomy little day.

I forgot how much I loved this poem.

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower,

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf,

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day,

Nothing gold can stay.

A reflection

I heaved myself out of bed this morning at the ungodly hour of 5:00 to get in some last-minute studying before a 7:30 exam. I towed my notes to the Union to review them and bask in the yellow light of the deserted environment that is somehow representative of this city. I sat down, coffee steaming under the black lid of my cliche paper cup, and pulled out the papers that had become my best friends in the past few days. My eyes glazed, knees began their characteristic shake, and my mind wandered without restraint to the thought that this was indeed it.

Yes; this is it.

I have successfully made it through my first year of college, less one remaining exam. I am thriving in this atmosphere and admittedly somewhat reluctant to leave it for four months for the home which has always been home. I am not a freshman, but a girl who doesn't need to ask for directions. I am not an inexperienced neophyte, scared and confused about what to do and with whom to do it, but someone who has drawn conclusions where previously they were unfeasible. I am not a beginner here because I have been here.

I thought about football games and rainy afternoons dedicated to nothing but bonding with someone who has slowly come to be my best friend. I thought about nights spent in the stadium and the few shooting stars that brightened my admittedly weary soul. I thought about the things I did that I was scared to do and how they brought be closer to myself, a person with whom I was previously unacquainted. I thought about Moe's and high heels and pouring rain, flat tires and parties and pictures. I thought about Halloween decorations and Christmas lights, Valentine's Day giggles and the greenest seventeenth of March; letters and crosswords and long-distance phone calls; basketball and fountains and coffees and our ever-hopeful flag football team; flip-flops and buybacks and collages and posters; the boys that made my head spin and the girls that warned me when I was flighty; public transportation and marathon study sessions; the flash-light guard dog that fascinated more than I figured and the afternoons of stadium sun-soaking that always ended in tour groups.

Snapshots of the past eight months reeled in my mind, making a blur of everything until it was so beautiful I couldn't even feel it.

I have learned so much that I can never put into words, things that everyone must learn on their own. Most importantly, I have concluded, I learned how to be happy. I believe that is the most valuable skill any person can have. You are the only constant guaranteed, so you may as well learn to enjoy life itself and all the oddities you encounter along the way.

I finished my coffee, grabbed my bag, and strolled in the freshest morning air to lay waste to AFH4450, Section 5664.

"You're casting a shadow on me..."

I've been reading over some old stuff I wrote at the beginning of fall semester. It really is funny just how much you forget that at the time seems to be the most important factor in pretty much everyone's life.

I have come to the conclusion that a person will change exactly as much as they think is completely impossible. If you had asked me at that time what my problem was, I'd make sure you actually meant problems when you said problem and proceed to rattle off a list of boys and other generally strange - yet incapacitating - concerns that truly plagued me. I would try not to cry, feel like an idiot, silently curse myself for telling you everything, and then lose it after you left. If you were to pose the same question to me now, I would reply that I am a bit tired at the moment but that otherwise I'm alright.

I don't really have a point. I'm typing to tell you something and I don't even know what I'm getting at. I guess it's just weird for me to read over these things and suddenly remember the little things that were soooooo important at the time.

...Shows how big of a deal they really were in retrospect.

Empty Sky (but not really)

At night I lay upon my bench and stare towards the stars.
The cold night air comes creeping in and home seems oh-so far.
If only I could swing upon those twinkling dots above,
I'd look down from the heavens upon the ones I love...

Who the hell is that?

I don't know. He was behind me and my dad at the Outback Bowl in January. I cropped my us out of the picture and zoomed in on his charming face.

But just like I have no earthly idea who that dude is, I really don't want to study. So I am going to sleep. Just thought I'd fill you in. Night night.

Exammer Jammer

Judging by the amount of snot coming out of my nose, today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.

So even though the sky is pretty much anything but as clear as the one in this picture, I decided to put it on this post because it's nice to look at. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Here is a Chinese proverb that I have been contemplating for the past three months. I don't know that I agree with it, and I'm not even sure I see the difference. I just thought I would share:

"The palest ink is better than the best memory."

I think I have finally got down my interpretation of it, but I'm still thinking about it. Those Chinese...

I'll write something someday. I promise. It just may not be anytime soon.

Tra la la!

Hello. I am some jasmine. Here is a picture of me. I smell really good and have been following Maggie wherever she goes. She has no fucking clue where I'm coming from. Ever. But who really cares? I just look pretty and smell pretty and at the end of the day, that's about all a little flower like myself can do.

I'm gonna go frolic in the breeze. Peace.

Bloodless Sunday

Imagine my wonderment looking out the window on the way back to school tonight and seeing this beautiful splay of setting sun on canvas sky. How was I blind to life for so long?

That picture explains how I know everything will be alright, come what may.

Dear King Harvest,

I don't know where I'd be without.

Worlds apart and yet still so much dependent on those

First-one-since-October sightings.

You make me smile always.

Sometimes I laugh,

But never to hurt.

I'm just so happy you are here.

Welcome to my beautiful life.

Deserves a quiet night...

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,
turned around backwards so the windshield shows.
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
Still, it's so much clearer.
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge.
The moon is low tonight.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.
I'm not sure all these people understand.
It's not like years ago,
The fear of getting caught,
of recklessness and water.
They cannot see me naked.
These things, they go away,
replaced by everyday.

Nightswimming, remembering that night.
September's coming soon.
I'm pining for the moon.
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
could not describe nightswimming.

You, I thought I knew you.
You I cannot judge.
You, I thought you knew me,
this one laughing quietly underneath my breath.
Nightswimming.

The photograph reflects,
every streetlight a reminder.
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night.

Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes.

This is pretty much what makes me the happiest. The bells playing between the quarterly announcements, the breeze and the sun and the shade and the leaves never knowing which way is right to be blown. I love the sound of the million conversations in languages I don’t even recognize, the feet on the pavement before me, the look of the way each person walks, myself knowing it’s OK to be late to meet up with my own friends because I don’t want to lose this moment before it becomes part of my personal history.

And if there was a single thing I could say to the world, it would be this.

A Memoir

At times like these
It is difficult to find a way to express
What is in my heart.
When I see the sky a vibrant and uninterrupted blue,
Wise, mossy trees dancing happily in the breeze,
I feel I see the world
As it was intended to be seen.
Breathing in the scent of grass,
Birds kissing a soft chorus,
The sun smiling upon every flower it can find…
When I behold such beauty,
Such indestructible wonder,
Every part of me is taken by the wind
And suddenly I am in love.

Today is my lucky day!

For as bad of a start as yesterday got off to for so many tiny, insignificant, ridiculous reasons, today has been spectacular! ...And it's only 12:13 PM!

One of the big reasons is that while I'm still debating if my Tuesday/Thursday can handle it, it looks like fall semester is going to be one big 4-day weekend. That means I can probably hold a job. Wednesdays are going to be pretty lax either way, too, so that will be another huge plus.

My phone is still pretty messed up, so expect to be seeing that eggie-looking one back again. Oh, how I love's the Motorola.

This weekend is full of whatever, but I think it will be good to be home next Friday. I don't know. Maybe it's the antibiotics talking, but I hope it will be a good little trippie.

This is me, totally skipping Spanish for the first time out of both semesters.

Well, starshines, I hope your day is maaaahvelous.

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon

I woke up feeling like absolute shit, but I love this crazy, fucked-up life I've been living. It's terrific, though I'll admit sometimes it gets to be too much. I still wouldn't trade it for a single thing.

Thank you for smiling today, even if maybe you didn't feel like it.

Ahem.

I just realized how much I write about wishing it were summer - basically, wishing it were any time but the present.

Just thought I'd clarify (not that anyone reads this anymore or to suggest that it's even worth reading): I love my life. Every decision I make may not be the best or the most productive (see: came to library to work on paper), but I'm the kind of girl who tries to learn from her mistakes and in doing so has no regrets that readily come to mind. I know I can get caught up in the little things all too easily, but I really do enjoy life and I hope with all my heart that my friends and acquaintances can find happiness in everything they do.

I suppose it isn't important to me that you read this. I simply don't feel like writing that paper.

Igloo

What a cool word.

The entire point of this update is to inform YOU (in case for some reason you weren't as readily and sadly aware of it as myself) that there are exactly 19 days of classes left. After that, we're home free.

Or at least free to work all damn summer.

Just thought I'd let you know, because while living here beats the shit out of living in Tampa, not going to classes beats the shit out of going to them.

Happy schooling.

This is an update.

And this is a pile of rocks.

I am watching One Tree Hill, feeling utterly useless. But you know what? We're only five weeks away from summer (or at least the beginning of exams), two days away from Relay for Life, and I have a Sex and the City buddy for the evening.

So I guess this isn't really an update so much as just a picture of some rocks.

Oh, Elton John.

I love life so much right now and also my roomie.

So here are some waves. Enjoy, because it's Spring butt-crushing Break and we only have four days of non-obligation left.

Peanut Arms and Ginger Kids

I have returned less one toenail and a fraction of my dignity (see: Weekend at Bernie's). What a terrific weekend.

Lomax.

So basically, yeah.

"At least you've got your surname."

Mile = 5K?

Stretch 738 words to a minimum of 1,000?

Why, yes; I think I will.

Supa-fried

I have a midterm in three hours, so I decided this would be the best time to update.

Basically all I want right now is summer. That's it; that's all I ask for. Heck - I'll even settle for a little Spring Break action. I just want some sand, some waves, and a sunny afternoon. Maybe even some bright pink polish on my toes.

Oh, classes. END ALREADY, DAMMIT!

Dear Birthday Sissy,

Happy birthday! I am sending you this Max and Ruby cake that you already sent me - turns out I'm allergic to metallic icing. Go figure.

Anywho! It's been great being your sister. Even though we didn't really have a choice in matters of the womb, I'm glad I got stuck with you because you're always fun to be with (except when you're making fun of me) (Even still, you're pretty accurate.). From the apple pies in the sky to the Shamus to the strawberry puppies to our secret love of Britney Spears's "Toxic," we are like, SOOOOOOOO bf4e!

I mean, you're cool.

I hope you're having a good one, Eek! I love you!

Nostalgia

I just read a lot of entries I wrote last May. I haven't thought about that time - graduation, getting ready to go to Greece, the excitement of my last summer at home - since it actually was that time.

It's weird to go back to it and feel what I felt then, especially knowing how things are now. Not to imply that they're more glum than I was expecting - quite the opposite, if you must know the truth. It's just that I haven't reflected on that period at all, and now doing so really brings back all the emotion because I haven't spread it out.

I think that if I could have seen me now as I was then, I would be pretty shocked to know all that I know. I am a college girl on the move, and I signed my life away last Saturday to an apartment complex. I actually read for my classes, I am on a flag football team, and if I feel like wearing something that looks a little silly, by God I'll wear it and I'll wear it proud.

I don't have to wonder how I'd be different if I had stayed at home because I already know: I wouldn't be different. I'd be the same Maggie, probably a little stuck in last May because everyone would still be gone like they are and I'd be left to miss them and continue the same routines without. I feel like I've grown a lot since coming here, most of it for the better.

If you know what I'm talking about, congratulations; we're in the same boat of life. If you could not relate to this post at all, thanks for reading.

Faaaantastic.

Today I got a twenty-pound magazine. If you would like to flip through it with me later tonight (or at any other point, for that matter, because I don't know if it is possible to finish it in one sitting), you know how to do.

On that note, I really can't wait for Spring Break. Visiting dear Sissy, going to the beach, not studying for a week... Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

I know my updates are erratic and don't ever actually tell you anything. This isn't an appology - I'm just saying that I'm aware of it.

Hope everyone is having lovely week.

Wa-hey!

"Express what's in your heart."

Today was absolutely amazing. Sometimes it can be easy to let the little things (The big ones, too, for that matter.) get you down, but I truly believe that in the end, you can only be as happy as you let yourself be.

Sure. You can go on thinking that you're worthless. You can draw attention to yourself by being outwardly prone to self-depricating comments and behaviors. You can say it's a pity how your life is turning out and refuse to smile for as long as you wish. You can say that your life has never been so unfulfilling, so unpromising, so hopeless and futile - but where does it get you?


I know I'm a day late and a dollar short, but this is all there is. If you can't find something to love - nature, poetry, your cat, dance parties - I hope you do soon; it's just no way to go through life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope everyone who reads this is having a terrific day - no party poopers allowed. When you take the time to appreciate everything that surrounds you, you'll see such beauty as you've never witnessed before.

Look at how much there is to love in life. I love all of my friends and my family. Thanks, guys, for making every day something to remember. I hope you know that you each have a special place in my heart, and even more so when you hold my hands, look deep into my eyes, and we practice our synchronized crooning routine.

Truffle-butt or no truffle-butt, you damn well better have a good day, or I'll come over there and make you!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Chill.

I know it's blurry.

I'm working on it, initials?

Initials.

No pressure, but...

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=125068&lis=1&kntae125068=42FD2C9A15304765B405F7A04F0432D3&supId=115899770

Copyandpaste it or ticket.

To everyone else who has received various forms of my spammage for Relay for Life, appologies.

If you are reading this and already donated, thank you - you made my day!

Did ya herrd?

♥Yourself♥
Created by haushinka and taken 111 times on Bzoink
♥The Basics
What do people call you?	maggie
Why?	nickname
What would you like to be called?	burnadette
Eye color?	blue
Hair color?	brownishly blonde
Is it natural?	probably.
Skin color?	tan
Braces?	for three years
♥Your Social Life
What	exactly.
What kind of music do you listen to?	some of every.
What's your G.P.A?	3.62. nosy.
Who's your best friend?	several know me pretty well.
Who's your most popular friend?	sweeney. that whore.
Who's your smartest friend?	albert. we tight.
Who's your horniest friend?	i wouldn't like to know.
Who's your craziest friend?	alise. see alga cola.
What do you spend most of your time doing?	lately, reading.
♥Your Opinions
What do you think about George W. Bush?	fag. fag. fag.
What do you think bout gay marraige?	i swear i didn't read ahead.
What do you think about abortion?	i could think of pleasanter uses of wire hangers.
Do you believe in god?	yes.
Do you believe in ghosts?	yes.
Do you like preps?	i have a few.
Do you like goths?	sure.
Do you like skaters?	why not?
Do you believe in karma?	yes.
♥Your Favorites
Color?	green and pink
Food?	bananas and sugar snap peas. together.
Animal?	cat. or GIRAFFES?
Subject?	la historia
Book?	catcher in the rye
Band?	counting crows
Song?	i am the warrior
Store?	old navy.
Game?	anything mario.
Snack?	some more bananas.
Soda?	diet vanilla coke. even though i'm pretty sure it doesn't exist no more.
♥This or That
Pink or purple?	pinkie
Cat or dog?	cat
Guitar or bass?	guitar
Chocolate or vanilla?	chocolate
Chinese food or sushi?	neither
Life or death?	i'm going to have to choose life. see abortion question?
Destroy or create?	what are you?
Give or take?	both are enjoyable.
Smoke or drink?	totally wasted.
Reading or listening to music?	reading.
Partying or sleeping in?	why not both?
♥Random Last Questions
How many cousins do you have?	9 and four second cousins
Have you ever broken a bone?	no
Do you have any siblings?	one
If you do how many?	eight
Are you a good singer?	you've obviously never met me.
Can you play any instruments?	i'd like to think so.
Are you good at art?	probably not, but it never stops me.
Do you like to go camping?	yes.
Do you have an instant messanger?	yes.
If you do whats your screen name?	funmaggs
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to Bzoink

There's no place like home...

Just click your heels three times and you're there.

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mmm-kay!

This has nothing to do with anything. I wrote it last year and found it today. It touched me, so here it is.

----------------------------------------------

"And just like the movies,
We've played out our last sceen."

Wow. I saw it coming, but I never saw this coming. All the time and all the distance, and here I am again, eighteen, and still so much in love with something that was always mine for the taking, never mine to have again.

"No, I won't be afraid,
Just as long as you stand,
Stand by me."

I love him so much; I would so anything for him. I would collect all the stars in the sky and keep them in his eyes where they belong. I would stand like an idiot under the mistletoe waiting for him to come around on Christmas Eve. I would move back home and change everything in my life just to taste him, if only once more, and wait on him like I've been waiting on him since the day we first met.

"I remember running through the wet grass,
Falling a step behind..."

Saturday night is all I can think about. We were meant to be. I don't understand it, but we were made to be together. Some people search their whole life for what we were handed years ago, and still we can't make it work. There's too much now; we're adults, and I'm here and he's there, but we're everywhere together.

"We're such crazy babies, little monkey.
We're so fucked-up, you and me."

We've been through so much together and so much apart, and even the things we weren't there for are important. It's everything, and he's everything. He's every good thought I have and every time I'm alone, he's the one I need to hold me. He's fate and he's shooting stars and he's fireworks on the fourth of July. He's my favorite day of the year and he's the old love song on the radio.

"We make a lifetime commitment
To recovering the satellites.
All anyone really wants to know is
When you gonna come down?"

But it can't be. For every reason in the world, it can't be, but it could be if it weren't for everything else. We're perfect for each other, but we're so far gone... I keep thinking that if we'd been together over the summer, something different could have come of this; that if I had had the balls to suck it up and golf-course it at the end of June, I could be with someone truly amazing.

"You can't always get what you want,
But if you try sometimes,
You just might find
You get what you need."

The thing is, I do have someone truly amazing. He's still mine, as I am always his. We're head over heels in love, and there's not a thing in the world anyone can do about it. It's not as tragic as it might have been a few years ago, but it is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't imagine what I would be if it weren't for him, and I honestly don't want to know. I would be a million times worse off, and I certainly wouldn't be OK on a day like today. I love him and he loves me - that's all that matters. The world may be crashing down around me, but it doesn't matter.

"You say it best
When you say nothing at all."

That's how it's going to be from here on out - a promise for happiness, if only...

Dear Everyone Who Reads This,

Hi. It's your favorite Maggie. Since it's already the nineteenth of January and I've spent a full week of moping about, I figured it couldn't hurt to at least make you laugh at reading my Valentine's Day application. I encourage everyone who sees this to fill it out - single, taken, peeved, contented, serious, pissing around, drunk, sober, etc., or any combination thereof. Questions are open to interpretation, and such interpretations as I assume will be made are allowed. Cheating, slander, and otherwise inappropriate comments are encouraged.


First of all:
Name:

DOB:

Sex:

Orientation:

Current relationship status:

My last relationship ended... (terms, conditions, visiting rights, etc.):

My expertise is in:

The guys/girls/buffoons I date revel in the following personal qualities:

I attract mates by/with:

The best date I ever went on...:


T/F:
I am a needy, winy little bitch.
I like picking my dates up in my Lambo.
I have a big grill. Gold-plated.
I know what time it is.

Fill in the blank:
1. If I could be made into anything, it would be a/an _____.
2. Generally speaking, my weekends are _____.
3. _____ indicate(s) crazy times to come.
4. The only thing missing in this world is more _____.
5. My momma done told me that _____ are two-faced.

Bonus:
If granted the privilege to be Maggie's Valentine, I will celebrate the day with her and her baffling beauty by...

Like a red rubber ball...

Today was surprisingly great for no reason in particular. In fact, it should have been the exact opposite of great, as it was extremely cold (see: Maggie's deep hatred for cold), extremely intense (see: three-hour lecture of doom), and extremely lonely (see: never again listening to U2 with the same heart).

I guess I'm at the point where I realize the benefits of dwelling on it for a few days, and then I reap the benefits of turning out alright.

I've been writing a lot lately - not here, obviously - but I feel it has served me well. In the future, perhaps some ridiculous sensation will come over me and I will want to look back and relive this; perhaps not. In any case, I'm doing something I haven't been able to do in a long time. I'm not sure just why this is, but I have a feeling everything's connected somehow...

Cycle, much?

Yeah. I copied you.

Your dating personality profile: Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Adventurous 3. Big-Hearted 4. Liberal 5. Stylish 6. Athletic 7. Romantic 8. Funny 9. Religious 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Shy 2. Adventurous 3. Athletic 4. Stylish 5. Practical 6. Funny 7. Big-Hearted 8. Conservative 9. Traditional 10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating'>http://www.datingdiversions.com/">Dating Profile Quiz at Dating'>http://www.datingdiversions.com/">Dating Diversions

Short and sweet

Well, one thing I'm thankful for is good friends. They're rare, but they're jewels.

Thank you.

Nudillos

See the stone set in your eyes,
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Slight of hand and twist of fate;
On a bed of nails she makes me wait,
And I wait without you.

With or without you,
With or without you...

Through the storm we reach the shore.
You give it all but I want more,
And I'm waiting for you.

With or without you,
With or without you...
I can't live
With or without you.

And you give yourself away,
And you give yourself away.
And you give,
And you give,
And you give yourself away...

My hands are tied, my body bruised;
She's got me with nothing left to win
And nothing else to lose.

And you give yourself away,
And you give yourself away.
And you give,
And you give,
And you give yourself away...

With or without you,
With or without you...
I can't live
With or without you.

This is going to be a great semester.

I know because it's already going fantastically well and it hasn't even started yet. Some things I'm looking forward to are:

1. More interesting classes.
2. Temp job.
3. Camellito!

And some old faves are returning to make the rest of the year amazing:

1. Kick-ass roommate situation.
2. Dance parties up the wazoo.
3. Comfy bed!

I am sad for the loss of:

1. Nip/Tuck.
2. Laguna Beach (No judgement allowed.).
3. The remaining crumbs of my sanity.

I can't wait to:

1. Find an actual job.
2. Find a place to live next year.
3. Reveal the winning jewel on The Flavor of Love

Hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!

Brr much?

Yay for Gainesville. No for cold.

A bit of motivation for your reading pleasure

What if these feet never went anywhere? What if I died before I could say I enjoyed my life to the fullest?

I'm ready for a change. I want to do everything I've been planning on my entire life. I want to get out there and experience it. Enough of procrastinating - I'm going to make things happen from now on.

I'm not a little girl anymore. I have the legal authority to take my life in my own hands and do with it as I please. I hold the lock and the key, and I am going to be someone.

After all, I just skipped through a horde of people. This is the face of determination, and I am going to learn to live life in pink.

The year in review

(This is going to be one of the more openly honest posts, and yet I like to leave something to be desired. Make of it what you will, but mostly I wrote this for me.)

2005 did a lot to me - some of it good, some of it bad. Sure; there are always ups and downs, but it seems like this past year both were pretty extreme. I had my phenomenal moments that changed my status as a person, gaining insight into other ways of thinking and feeling and being and believing. Yet another song is ingrained in my mind as a "his" song, and I've come to find that love is something you can only capture a few times. I have gone back to places I swore I would never revisit, and I have found new methods of easing the pain of just living. I have succeeded in turning my thought patterns completely upside-down; I have changed some who I am to be the person I am convinced the world wants me to be. I have hurt and I have been hurt. I have confided and lost contact with people who still mean a lot to me; I have grown tragically close to people who I cannot confide in. I have fallen in love with things that aren't even things and I have lost motivation for much of what I once seemed to live solely for. Every day it gets easier for me to walk away from what I characterize 2005 as being the year of, and yet I know that certain days it's more than just a haunting. I cannot forget someone who I know can hardly find the time to remember me, but I can sleep easy knowing that the ounce of hope I used to hang on to has completely evaporated into just that - hope. I have dealt with loss in its many faces, and I have forgotten how to write. I have traveled far from home and not wanted to come back; I have been anxious for change and it has found me. Though at times I cannot stand the pain of just sitting and thinking and letting myself feel how I truly feel, I have come to accept that it is a necessary step in the process of becoming a properly functioning human. I like to hide and I like to play cat-and-mouse, but inside I go through a lot more than I let on to even myself. I have moved on from the only boy I've ever been in love with. I think I have found someone worth the effort, but sometimes I get scared that everything is a big joke and my falling for it is the punch line. I have done regrettable things, unforgettable things, had life-altering experiences, and made memories too precious in whatever way to be forgettable. I: swam in the Aegean Sea; drank champagne at sunset; saw the most beautiful splay of life laid right out in front of me; felt the ridiculous hopelessness unearthed in the twenty seconds of clarity when the meaning of life was revealed, then lost; locked myself into rather sticky situations (but never let on that I didn't mind); figured someone out entirely, and it certainly wasn't me; discovered the many useful qualities of taking life at a slower pace; learned that the exact value of a dollar on any given day is as close to the value of ten when you're unemployed; let myself find out for myself that it's ok to live my life differently than how I am apparently supposed to experience it. I feel that they're all right - that over time I am improving but some days are worse than the ones preceding. I am changed so much that I can never wholly go back to being who I was, but I am still searching nonetheless for just the memory of being stupidly happy and living every day in the sunshine of self-acceptance. I have problems, but I have finally begun to witness the fruits of a truly concerted effort to see them fade.

I am hopeful for the upcoming year and characteristically feel foolish admitting that I can see my little camel going somewhere. 2005 saw me change by leaps and bounds, and I believe 2006 will prove to be a landmark year for:

• Learning to share myself more openly so I may embrace that daft (Yes; "daft.") girl internally;
• Laughing more often;
• Singing Journey like there was no greater joy in the world.

I'm only going to say this once:

Screw Gainesville. Mainly because of the gay-ass airport and it being so unreasonably more expensive than TIA.

Sing "Fum, Fum, Fum!"

Merry Christmas! Been an amazing day so far, and I'm looking forward to smelling like Par... I mean, heaven in the upcoming year.

Kind of a crazy week ahead of me, but it'll be incredibly fun. Too bad Eeksie is going back to Durhamsie, though.

I'll save the rest of everything for another time. Hope you're having a great day and are surrounded by the people you love.

Shears

I helped a woman pick out earrings for the person with whom her now ex-husband had an affair.

I am shocked into disbelief at least once a week.

Kinnidee

No comments about being emo - I can't stand that shit.

But I would like to dedicate this post to everything that sucks - England, euthenasia, my stomach being in the faggot olympics, and the fact that my uterus just fell out when I typed "olympics." I feel like complete shit all over and I keep looking for my other cat. The bruise of unknown origin has turned a most nasty shade of ugly, and my nose is froze.

RAR!

But on the brighter side, my sister is home, I have attained the shoes that I am in love with, and my comforter smells like a meadow.

China Dolls

Between work and work and work and trying to get some sleep, I was surprised to realize that it is only a week until Christmas - that morning when you woke up when you were little at Nana and Papa's house, snow falling fiercely, the house warm and the water cold, putting on your favorite dress and then layering over it every jacket and coat and glove and mitten and beret you own to brave the walk from the kitchen door to the car, the car to the church entrance.

That morning when you were practically stoned from happiness when you opened all those presents, the confetti and glittering bows falling around your feet like soft and silent rays of sunlight on your favorite day of the year, even though you knew by the shape of this one, the size of that what was in each box or bag or oddly-packaged gift.

That morning when you didn't care what the world had to say about Pollocks being dirty, because any idiot would have eaten that sausage, any fool would have begged for seconds and sat satisfied for the remainder of the afternoon from that meal shared around the table with the huge mirror behind it, so perfect for making faces at the sister sitting next to you without ever turning your head.

That night when you played sharades until you thought you'd puke, you opened presents of sweaters and scarves and bracelets from the aunts, you played Sorry and Scrabble like you'd never have the chance to enjoy either again, you "accidentally" engulfed the marshmallows in the blaze of the fireplace, you listened to the cousins tell weird stories and ever so valiently plunk out the rhythm of The Little Drummer Boy until an older one came along and really played it.

That night when you fell asleep giggling with your sister instead of fighting, dreaming of all the toys you could play with tomorrow, wondering what the doll in your arms was thinking about and if you'd ever actually meet Johnathan Taylor Thomas.

That's what comes to mind when I think of a real Christmas because that's how I grew up to remember it.

Herc?

Black Cherry Fresca, you are the love of my life.

That is all.

Dirty bird you.

Chicken? Sure. But everything's still a go-go.

Officially done with exams as of 4:13PM today. One semester down, seven to go. And you?

Tomorrow I get to visit with le Amber and finish Christmas shopping with the girl who sneezes kittens. Pumped? Check yes.

Speaking of Christmas shopping, I stole someone a present today. It was my second time hijacking this item from the general public. Maybe it was because it was cold outside or maybe it was just that I had to pee so bad, but taking it definately made me giggle the entire way home. Submit guesses as comments, if anyone cares to do so.

I am tired as a fishy. Goodnight.

Christmas in July?

Winter is lovely, but I could really go for a beach day.

Even though it's midnight.

Cucumbersome

I feel so tweleve today. I made two new screen names in the past twenty-four hours, talked through several yawns, woke up with a bruise that was not there when I went to sleep, giggled over a boy, described a tie as gay, and almost shit myself when I saw the Cold Stone around the corner from where I work. Even though some arrogant piece of crap told me to stick out my wrist so he could spray me with man's cologne "...because [he] had too much on [him] to be able to smell this one," I had an amazing day (Like how I slipped that story in?).

"You may be right:

I may be crazy;
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."

Seasoned

I am completely exhausted, but I feel amazing. I'm listening to summer music and thinking about all the great times I've had this past year.

I'm kind of confused, though, about a lot of things. I guess I've done a lot of growing up, and much of it happened really suddenly and quickly - not necessarily just in 2005, but all along things happened and now I feel so much older than I was.

I feel good - don't get me wrong. I'm in one of the best moods of my life for ... well, yes for an apparent reason, but nothing specific has happened this very moment to make me feel as though I could burst at the seams with general happiness, and yet I believe it is truly likely to occur at any given second.

It's the difference between DMB and techno. That's where I get lost sometimes - the spot between wanting it all and absolutely needing the evening to yourself to sit with all your crazy, fucked-up emotions and memories.

But I couldn't love anything more than life.

Le exams, le sigh.

I am almost le done. One left to go (next Tuesday) and then I'm home free for the semester. My daddy is coming to get me in a few hours and tomorrow morning I start back up again right where I left off at workio. Should be... interesting. If I blow my brains out from all the you-know-whos, please kindly collect them and bring them to my family. Thank you.

I feel like a million bucks. I've been writing much more often lately (Obviously not here, but on real, live paper!), and I may post some of my new stuff. Then again, I may not. We'll see.

However, I do plan on adding a photo - taken by yours truly - to each entry. Comments on pictures as well as all the slander I publish is always more than welcome. I'm so controversial these days.

I don't have much else to say besides goodnight, and good luck.

The Unveiling

"...If I could reach it,
I would hand you heaven –
Wrap it up in earth and silk
And lay it on your pillow,
Your dreams to be of tranquility and amusement,
Your head to rest upon the fate of my world..."

Gam?

I can't believe I didn't even realize what I was missing.

Days like today are just happiness, and that's all there is to it.

I can't belive I almost forgot:

So, last night I get back to Jennings at about 4AM. No one else is outside or in the front area, and a palm tree is blazing right next to the entrance.

No, I'm not joking.

I start freaking out, thinking about how the fire department is going to have to come and everyone will be forced to evacuate and sit on the lawn in the wee hours of the morning, freezing to death and hopelessly watching as the building burns down.

I finally find my keys, throw open the door, and run to the front desk to tell the clerk that there is a fire outside.

"A fire? What kind of fire?"

"A fire-fire. Like, right next to the window."

"What do I do?"

"Call the fire department...?"

A girl who had been talking to the clerk came back outside with me to verify that there was indeed a tree flaming dangerously close to the building.

"Yeah. There's a fire."

"Oh, shit."

Now the clerk comes outside to verify that - for Pete's sake - THERE IS A FUCKING FIRE, and somehow in those 20 seconds between Exhibition No. 1 and Exhibition No. 2 it had disappeared. All that remained was a small patch of fallen fronds and leaves trying pitifully to stay ablaze. The clerk stomped on it, and that was that.

I swear: between the Chinese man with the blinker incident and last night, I suddenly feel as though living here was a bad, bad idea.

So if you're going to come to Jennings in the next day or two, make sure you go in through the front entrance near the pond. Take a look at the palm tree to the left of the bench. Notice anything gray?

Stuff!

This weekend may not the be best in terms of iamgoingtospendamajorityofitstudyingness, but at least it'll be full of surprises...

"'Cause it's you and me

And all of the Clairol

With nothing to do,

Nothing to lose..."

List du Jour of my favorite things:

1. Running like a madwoman with Sweeney all around campus
2. Penguins
3. Laughing until I fall over
4. Christmas lights
5. Crossword puzzles
6. Clothes fresh out of the dryer on a cold day
7. E-mails from my sister
8. Black-and-white posters
9. Nights so clear you can see every star
10. Besitos

Best of luck to everyone during this most grievous time: Exam Week.