China Dolls

Between work and work and work and trying to get some sleep, I was surprised to realize that it is only a week until Christmas - that morning when you woke up when you were little at Nana and Papa's house, snow falling fiercely, the house warm and the water cold, putting on your favorite dress and then layering over it every jacket and coat and glove and mitten and beret you own to brave the walk from the kitchen door to the car, the car to the church entrance.

That morning when you were practically stoned from happiness when you opened all those presents, the confetti and glittering bows falling around your feet like soft and silent rays of sunlight on your favorite day of the year, even though you knew by the shape of this one, the size of that what was in each box or bag or oddly-packaged gift.

That morning when you didn't care what the world had to say about Pollocks being dirty, because any idiot would have eaten that sausage, any fool would have begged for seconds and sat satisfied for the remainder of the afternoon from that meal shared around the table with the huge mirror behind it, so perfect for making faces at the sister sitting next to you without ever turning your head.

That night when you played sharades until you thought you'd puke, you opened presents of sweaters and scarves and bracelets from the aunts, you played Sorry and Scrabble like you'd never have the chance to enjoy either again, you "accidentally" engulfed the marshmallows in the blaze of the fireplace, you listened to the cousins tell weird stories and ever so valiently plunk out the rhythm of The Little Drummer Boy until an older one came along and really played it.

That night when you fell asleep giggling with your sister instead of fighting, dreaming of all the toys you could play with tomorrow, wondering what the doll in your arms was thinking about and if you'd ever actually meet Johnathan Taylor Thomas.

That's what comes to mind when I think of a real Christmas because that's how I grew up to remember it.

Herc?

Black Cherry Fresca, you are the love of my life.

That is all.

Dirty bird you.

Chicken? Sure. But everything's still a go-go.

Officially done with exams as of 4:13PM today. One semester down, seven to go. And you?

Tomorrow I get to visit with le Amber and finish Christmas shopping with the girl who sneezes kittens. Pumped? Check yes.

Speaking of Christmas shopping, I stole someone a present today. It was my second time hijacking this item from the general public. Maybe it was because it was cold outside or maybe it was just that I had to pee so bad, but taking it definately made me giggle the entire way home. Submit guesses as comments, if anyone cares to do so.

I am tired as a fishy. Goodnight.

Christmas in July?

Winter is lovely, but I could really go for a beach day.

Even though it's midnight.

Cucumbersome

I feel so tweleve today. I made two new screen names in the past twenty-four hours, talked through several yawns, woke up with a bruise that was not there when I went to sleep, giggled over a boy, described a tie as gay, and almost shit myself when I saw the Cold Stone around the corner from where I work. Even though some arrogant piece of crap told me to stick out my wrist so he could spray me with man's cologne "...because [he] had too much on [him] to be able to smell this one," I had an amazing day (Like how I slipped that story in?).

"You may be right:

I may be crazy;
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."

Seasoned

I am completely exhausted, but I feel amazing. I'm listening to summer music and thinking about all the great times I've had this past year.

I'm kind of confused, though, about a lot of things. I guess I've done a lot of growing up, and much of it happened really suddenly and quickly - not necessarily just in 2005, but all along things happened and now I feel so much older than I was.

I feel good - don't get me wrong. I'm in one of the best moods of my life for ... well, yes for an apparent reason, but nothing specific has happened this very moment to make me feel as though I could burst at the seams with general happiness, and yet I believe it is truly likely to occur at any given second.

It's the difference between DMB and techno. That's where I get lost sometimes - the spot between wanting it all and absolutely needing the evening to yourself to sit with all your crazy, fucked-up emotions and memories.

But I couldn't love anything more than life.

Le exams, le sigh.

I am almost le done. One left to go (next Tuesday) and then I'm home free for the semester. My daddy is coming to get me in a few hours and tomorrow morning I start back up again right where I left off at workio. Should be... interesting. If I blow my brains out from all the you-know-whos, please kindly collect them and bring them to my family. Thank you.

I feel like a million bucks. I've been writing much more often lately (Obviously not here, but on real, live paper!), and I may post some of my new stuff. Then again, I may not. We'll see.

However, I do plan on adding a photo - taken by yours truly - to each entry. Comments on pictures as well as all the slander I publish is always more than welcome. I'm so controversial these days.

I don't have much else to say besides goodnight, and good luck.

The Unveiling

"...If I could reach it,
I would hand you heaven –
Wrap it up in earth and silk
And lay it on your pillow,
Your dreams to be of tranquility and amusement,
Your head to rest upon the fate of my world..."

Gam?

I can't believe I didn't even realize what I was missing.

Days like today are just happiness, and that's all there is to it.

I can't belive I almost forgot:

So, last night I get back to Jennings at about 4AM. No one else is outside or in the front area, and a palm tree is blazing right next to the entrance.

No, I'm not joking.

I start freaking out, thinking about how the fire department is going to have to come and everyone will be forced to evacuate and sit on the lawn in the wee hours of the morning, freezing to death and hopelessly watching as the building burns down.

I finally find my keys, throw open the door, and run to the front desk to tell the clerk that there is a fire outside.

"A fire? What kind of fire?"

"A fire-fire. Like, right next to the window."

"What do I do?"

"Call the fire department...?"

A girl who had been talking to the clerk came back outside with me to verify that there was indeed a tree flaming dangerously close to the building.

"Yeah. There's a fire."

"Oh, shit."

Now the clerk comes outside to verify that - for Pete's sake - THERE IS A FUCKING FIRE, and somehow in those 20 seconds between Exhibition No. 1 and Exhibition No. 2 it had disappeared. All that remained was a small patch of fallen fronds and leaves trying pitifully to stay ablaze. The clerk stomped on it, and that was that.

I swear: between the Chinese man with the blinker incident and last night, I suddenly feel as though living here was a bad, bad idea.

So if you're going to come to Jennings in the next day or two, make sure you go in through the front entrance near the pond. Take a look at the palm tree to the left of the bench. Notice anything gray?

Stuff!

This weekend may not the be best in terms of iamgoingtospendamajorityofitstudyingness, but at least it'll be full of surprises...

"'Cause it's you and me

And all of the Clairol

With nothing to do,

Nothing to lose..."

List du Jour of my favorite things:

1. Running like a madwoman with Sweeney all around campus
2. Penguins
3. Laughing until I fall over
4. Christmas lights
5. Crossword puzzles
6. Clothes fresh out of the dryer on a cold day
7. E-mails from my sister
8. Black-and-white posters
9. Nights so clear you can see every star
10. Besitos

Best of luck to everyone during this most grievous time: Exam Week.

Swan dive

"I might be crazy, but that's not the same as insane;
And I'm scared, but that's not the same as being afraid."

I don't know about those camels...

Tell me sweet little lies...

Bonfire of death?

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

CRAZY!

That's exactly what the past week has been. I will not go into detail here, but let's just say it's been... refreshing, and yet terrible. I can't make up my mind which best describes it.

On the upscale, I know for a fact now that I will be joining the Peace Corps immediately following college. I may end up waiting out the summer and try to get an assignment in late July or August (depending on availablity), but either way, that's what I fully intend to do. I have a general idea of what I will be changing my major to, but as of yet it is still listed as Criminology (with a minor in Spanish. Comical, no?).

I have a lot of things I'm still sorting through, and this weekend has been dedicated mainly to studying and reviewing. Granted, that's not what I'm doing right this minute, but hey - I earned this break.

Going home Tuesday afternoon after class. Don't have any set plans, except for Friday, which is reserved for post-Thanksgiving sale-day bliss.

I also forgot my big plan: Eurotrip. I'm still doing it (now that I remembered I was). I think perhaps I will shoot for this instead of a semester abroad, as I would likely:

• Not study much;
• Spend way more money than necessary;
• Have such a good time that coming back after 4-6 months would be a disappointment.

So instead, I will spend one summer (perhaps between junior and senior years) having the time of my life. Granted, that is if I can find at least one person to accompany me...

Things are beginning to come together a bit more in most areas. Where they aren't, the circumstances surrounding them are at least defogging. Not that there's much I can do about it, but that's life, and at least I'm no longer ignorant.

And about that whole "updating regularly" thing... Doesn't look like that's going to work out for me.

Lines

Life is what happens when you're think it's finally gotten to be so stagnant that it's hardly worth your best shot.

That's what this weekend has taught me. So many surprise ups, so many unexpected downs, and here I am, still in the middle simply because I don't know what else to do.

Maybe this is an indication of how things will always be; maybe I'm just going through an almost comically hectic period.

I wanted the summer so much this week. I really think it was all a dream. I can't reach that again, and I'll never have that to hold as long as I live. I may get close, but new memories will eventually fill up the holes where I miss the old ones. I might have been bored a lot of the time, but it was so much simpler and happier, more innocent and dangerously bittersweet, the waves of life and love and laughter washing over me like oblivion.

I know I have no right to say any of this; I don't deserve that freedom and I'm well aware of it. Sometimes, though, you just have to see things in writing to know that this is really happening.

I'm sorry, Boo-boo; I'm sorry.

So.

After all that, I'm pretty sure I'm going to change my major. To what, I have no clue, but I do know it will end in "-ology." Or, "History." One of the two.

Why did I waste this semester?

?

Update?

Yes - I think I will.

About everything... Life's been pretty interesting lately. As always, I'm not one to get into detail on some silly and very public blog which I don't really believe anyone reads, but I will say this: you never know until you're there. Sometimes it's so perfect that it hurts, and sometimes it hurts to know it's not perfect.

Have I left enough unexplained? My work here is done.

Yes - I updated.

Sometimes you can see the world so clearly. When you take a moment to slow down, breathe in the beauty around you, and appreciate it without having to make yourself think about it, it’s amazing how far it can take you.

It’s the simple pleasures in life – the things that are so uncomplicated give you the will to work through those that are.

I get so tired sometimes and just don’t care, but on a day like today when everyone went to Subway in a different city and we’re all talking about how it made for a happier afternoon, I can’t help but smile.

Candles

Many times there's much more hiding just below the surface than you think. A reason or an explanation or even just a different point of view - it's there, even when you're certain it isn't.

I love today.

Moms and cops

I loved this weekend, and I'm going to love next weekend. I'll expand upon that when I'm done with this delightful pile of studying.

I was reading over some past entries, and it occured to me just how much has happened since graduation. Not to say that my life was pointless and boring up until that point, but I've done a lot of changing since that day.

It's weird. I always thought I would miss those people more, but the truth is that certain stereotypes follow you everywhere. The names change but the faces stay the same, and in the end not much is different.

But that's not my point. What I'm getting at is that a lot can happen in a summer. One last hurrah before you say goodbye to the ones you always counted on and always will; one last time to laugh and reminisce, because looking back will always hurt a little after it's over.

I'm not implying that things were stagnant and that I am a completely different person from the girl who wrote in this four months ago. Quite the contrary; because I had grown up a lot, I have been able to adjust to these changes with less trauma than otherwise would likely have been evident. I am just noticing how much has happened since May 24th.

I know more is coming, and I know I'm nowhere near the end of new experiences. And you know what? I welcome every second of it.

Dam Would Break

Is it this place that makes me fall from you?
Forget the words that once rang so true?
Did we expect that life was ever fair? My God...
I sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod.
And everything I’ve held too tight inside
Could make a part of me die;
And if my lips could only speak the name,
The dam would break.

What is this ice that gathers round my heart
To stop the flood of warmth before it even starts?
It would make me blind to what I thought would always be
The only constant in the world for me.
And every hour of every day,
I need to fight from pulling away;
And if my mind could only loose the chain,
The dam would break.

For all the things I hid away
And all the words I could not say,
The dam would break.


How can a band named after an amphibious creature sing your song? Just like that.

Even though:

• I feel like crap;
• My face is going to explode;
• I can't speak Spanish;
• Buses are scary;
• I can't find my CDs;
• Alicia is apparently having eye surgery;
• Shania Twain sells perfume;

today is great beacuse:

• Julie is coming Saturday;
• My sister's cat ate her napkins;
• I don't have online homework for Spanish, ,which I can't speak;
• I regulate;
• Laguna Beach is on tonight;
• I have clean laundry;
• Shania Twain's perfume smells like angels oughta smell.

Spanish is a butt-lick language.

Had to slip it in.

So either UF is going to do great this year or... um... LA TECH SUCKS MAJOR ASS. What a joke. Those guys were horrible.

Today is laundry and proyecto day. I can't begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to doing this presentation in a language I barely know.

Better get crackin'.

I feel kind of iffy. I don't know if I should drop it or see what happens. So much going on and yet nothing at all has changed, it seems.

I don't know. I really don't know anything. I guess we'll find out.

Here are some lyrics, because I do that:

"Time is never time at all.
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.
And our lives are forever changed;
We will never be the same.
The more you change the less you feel."

Unraveled

Is how I feel. I have written so many compositions on shitty days like this. Unfortunately, I grabbed the wrong notebook when packing my bags to move to college and the aforementioned poetry and blurbs are exactly where I left them, rotting into the carpet under my bed like they've been rotting on my conscious.

When I can actually write, I will. For the time being, I don't have any hint of creativity. I hate today so fucking much right now.

But go Gators.

I hereby declare:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, weekend!

Relient upon nothing.

And I won't sit back
And take this anymore.
Because I'm done with that;
I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong;
I'm pressing on.

Jump-rope cable

I like today. Rainy, but not very sunny. Makes for a nicer temperature than most days.

Oh, shit. I'm talking about the weather. Slap me. Slap me now.

Tomorrow we're getting our tickets for Saturday's game, and then it's off to class in this incredibly taxing schedule of mine.

...Joke.

I really don't have much else to say. What's new with YOU?

This isn't grammared right.

So it's time to own up and start using capital letters every now and then. You know, like when a letter should be capitalized.

I really don't know what to say here. I would say it if I knew what to think, but I don't know what to think anymore about pretty much anything you can think of to think of. I wish things like this wouldn't happen to me, but the only thing I can think of (and have a certain opinion on) is that there is a great Fate Magnet of Destruction floating around in the Great Unknown and it has somehow channeled all of its energy toward me.

Good God. Why does this always happen?

No, I will NOT clarify, either, because this is mine and I don't wanna. So neah.

what a pretty day.

things are going pretty well in g-vizzle. i can't say that i miss high school now that i've gotten a taste of being a college student. not to say that i don't miss certain people or daily occurences, but it's nice making your own schedule and deciding NOT to follow it if indeed that suits your little fancy.

anyways, it's a really nice saturday. and about time we got some rilo kiley up in this joint!:

there are no bad words for the coast today.
when we hold our breath until nothing's left
it all starts to fade.

we can see the stars
from where the birds make their homes
staring back at us.
indifferent
but distanced perfectly,
projected endlessly;
it's so f--king beautiful.

!!!

i can't express to you how much i love college.

yes; that's all i'm going to say.

build me up, buttercup.

so, the rushing part of rush was hilarious. it was just as i had imagined. i didn't see anyone trip, though; that was the only thing that didn't match up.

somone is cooking down the hall and it smells heavenly.

i'm really excited for tomorrow. classes begin and i'll get to meet a whole bunch of new faces. it's going to be great! balogna shoes and all.

i rearranged my half of the room a bit. i like it better now. less wiring to be seen. probably a tremendous fire hazzard, but it looks like broward is the unlucky building of choice this year so i think i'm in the clear. also got the blue rope lights put up - the ones g-bizzle gave me for my birthday. may have to buy some more the next time one of us goes to target (me or jess, that is) to make the whole room bright and gay.

i think that's got to be one of the worst names to have in this day and age - gay.

met some more cool people last night, and hopefully will do it again later on. but this time not at the sooooooooda pop shop.

that's all for now. don't cry for me, argentina.

quickie:

yesterday was dayful. there's much more to be said on that, but i think this whole college thing is going to work out juuuuust fine.

i'm ready for classes - i've got all my books AND my thinking cap. i only need to figure out where they actually are. that may be beneficial.

i don't have much else for now. mother dearest is calling.

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 118162 times on Bzoink
What is your name?	maggie
Are you named after anyone?	saint margaret mary (s. euclid, ohio)
What's your screename?	funmaggs
Would you name a child of yours after you?	no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	according to my parents, matthew. if i was choosing, ben.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	dream
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	cennedy. no, i'm not joking.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	it's what MAKES me famous.
Basics
Your gender:	girly
Straight/Gay/Bi:	straight
Single?	perpetually
If not, do you want to be?	the answer is longer than one word, so i'll spare you.
Birthdate:	5.12.87
Your age:	18
Age you act:	25
Age you wish you were:	14
Your height:	5'8
Eye color:	blue
Happy with it?	wish they were brighter
Hair color:	light brown/dark blonde
Happy with it?	it looks right on me, but will probably dye it soon.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty
Your living arrangement:	JENNINGS
Your family:	is dysfunctional
Have any pets?	two cats
Whats your job?	nothing at the moment
Piercings?	5
Tattoos?	none yet
Obsessions?	millions
Addictions?	one
Do you speak another language?	i'd say yes.
Have a favorite quote?	"the greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved."
Do you have a webpage?	you're looking at it.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	i'd like to.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	depends on your definition of "others"
Do you have any secrets?	several
Do you hate yourself?	no
Do you like your handwriting?	yes
Do you have any bad habits?	yes
What is the compliment you get from most people?	that i have nice eyes or straight teeth.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	the diary of a mad black woman
What's your biggest fear?	confrontation
Can you sing?	no, but i do it anyways
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	too often
Are you a loner?	yes
What are your #1 priorities in life?	good question. we'll see.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	yeah. because i'd be just like me.
Are you a daredevil?	depends on the exact situation.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	addictive personality and apathy
Are you passive or agressive?	passively aggressive
Do you have a journal?	several
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	a strength: doing impressions. a weakness: hypocrisy.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	care less about destructive criticism received.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	yeah.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	i regret the chances i was too timid to take. i also regret never calling jen when she was pregnant. i regret finding facebook; it consumes my heart and soul.
Do you think life has been good so far?	yes.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	don't make an idiot out of yourself for someone who won't come around, friend or otherwise.
What do you like the most about your body?	hands
And least?	calves
Do you think you are good looking?	when i make an effort to do so.
Are you confident?	i'm not afraid to act how i feel.
What is the fictional character you are most like?	francie nolan from a tree grows in brooklyn
Are you perceived wrongly?	i'm sure someone gets a wrong impression.
Do You...
Smoke?	no
Do drugs?	no
Read the newspaper?	no
Pray?	yes
Go to church?	to be determined
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yes
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no. they sleep in the chair, silly.
Take walks in the rain?	no, but i would.
Talk to people even though you hate them?	only when forced.
Drive?	yes.
Like to drive fast?	yes.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	no.
Hurt yourself?	yes.
Been out of the country?	yes.
Eaten something that made other people sick?	yes.
Been in love?	yes.
Done drugs?	no.
Gone skinny dipping?	no.
Had a medical emergency?	no.
Had surgery?	oral.
Ran away from home?	no.
Played strip poker?	no.
Gotten beaten up?	no.
Beaten someone up?	not yet.
Been picked on?	yes.
Been on stage?	yes.
Slept outdoors?	yes.
Thought about suicide?	yes. BUT HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER ACT ON IT.
Pulled an all nighter?	no.
If yes, what is your record?	---
Gone one day without food?	yes.
Talked on the phone all night?	yes.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	yes.
Slept all day?	no.
Killed someone?	why, yes.
Made out with a stranger?	yes.
Had sex with a stranger?	no.
Thought you're going crazy?	yes.
Kissed the same sex?	in a non-sexual way.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no.
Been betrayed?	yes.
Had a dream that came true?	yes. figuratively and literally.
Broken the law?	yes.
Met a famous person?	yes.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	hahahah! no.
On purpose?	HAHAHAH! no.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yes.
Stolen anything?	yes.
Been on radio/tv?	yes.
Been in a mosh-pit?	no.
Had a nervous breakdown?	yes.
Bungee jumped?	no.
Had a dream that kept coming back?	yes.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yes.
Miracles?	yes.
Astrology?	i happen to know for a fact that people do actually study the stars.
Magic?	no.
God?	yes.
Satan?	yes.
Santa?	no.
Ghosts?	yes.
Luck?	no.
Love at first sight?	yes.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	yes.
Witches?	no.
Easter bunny?	no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	for some.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	no.
Do you wish on stars?	yes.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	yes.
Do you think God has a gender?	no.
Do you believe in organized religion?	...
Where do you think we go when we die?	up or down. or in between.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yes.
Who is your best friend?	i have several. those that know me best are erin, alicia, jess, and dream.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	ironic, isn't this? tie between erin (she's known me longest and we relate. literally.) and alicia.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	it's not the advice so much as the unconditional surrender of a friend's own well-being to help you gain yours back.
Your favourite inside joke?	talent show.
Thing you're picked on most about?	even steven.
Who's your longest known friend?	carla anderson
Newest?	sammy
Shyest?	kim. ...until you get to know her.
Funniest?	fudge and jim
Sweetest?	dream
Closest?	alicia
Weirdest?	laura
Smartest?	james
Ditziest?	alicia
Friends you miss being close to the most?	amber
Last person you talked to online?	ewin
Who do you talk to most online?	andrew
Who are you on the phone with most?	mom
Who do you trust most?	carri
Who listens to your problems?	whoever i say!
Who do you fight most with?	i try not to.
Who's the nicest?	christy
Who's the most outgoing?	sweeney and paige
Who's the best singer?	dream and amber
Who's on your shit-list?	you
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	yes
Who's your second family?	hussins
Do you always feel understood?	no
Who's the loudest friend?	carla
Do you trust others easily?	if i need to talk, i talk.
Who's house were you last at?	mine
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	...
Do your friends know you?	a few have got my number.
Friend that lives farthest away:	jim
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	never
What do you find romantic?	not having to say what you know you are both thinking.
Turn-on?	physically, a nice chests and strong arms. i like a guy who can hold an intelligent conversation. quick wit is always a plus, too.
Turn-off?	self-depricating humor.
First kiss?	during the ending credits of the majestic.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	awkward if i knew them well.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	yes, but i like meeting new people, too.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	yes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	on occasion
What is best about the opposite sex?	their strength and ability to make up stupid games.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	many don't think with the right head.
What's the last present someone gave you?	earrings from my bosses.
Are you in love?	nah.
Do you consider your significant other hot?	i'm single, suckhole.
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	the ghost of christmas past
You wanted to kill?	i'm not going to lie - george bush.
That you laughed at?	chris.
That laughed at you?	paige probably.
That turned you on?	my baby's daddy
You went shopping with?	chris, andrew, and kim
That broke your heart?	rob
To disappoint you?	jonathan
To ask you out?	matt
To make you cry?	my mom
To brighten up your day?	chas
That you thought about?	well, chas.
You saw a movie with?	oh, boy: maja, andrew, jim, ricky, alise, graham, james, and craig.
You talked to on the phone?	my mom
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	paige
You saw?	paige
You lost?	uncle
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	obviously not.
Will it be with your significant other?	fuck you.
Or some random person?	and the beat goes on...
What are you wearing right now?	a smile.
Body part you're touching right now:	toes to toes
What are you worried about right now?	nothing. just constantly anxious.
What book are you reading?	none, technically.
What's on your mousepad?	toast
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	well, like a natural woman.
Are you bored?	i'm filling this out, aren't i?
Are you tired?	no.
Are you talking to anyone online?	no.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	no.
Are you lonely or content?	content to be alone for now.
Are you listening to music?	no.
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like albert einstein once said...

do you remember thinking, when you were that little, that the time would never come when you'd be ready to move out of the house, away from mommy and daddy and the cute boy you never got the nerve to talk to? do you remember wondering what you'd look like, what you'd believe, what you would and would not have experienced, where you would have traveled, what you would have accomplished?

i used to write myself notes and hide them in my room. i'd come across them a few years down the line. they were always full of girlish dreams i'd forgotten, teacher's i'd come to no longer fear but respect, questions i will always wonder about the future me. i'd always read them, thinking to myself how bored i would be with the answers i so desperately wanted to know at the time. i think we just get used to our lives, and what happens and doesn't happen is not so much of a surprise as it might have been when the situation in question was initially pondered over.

i would love to be able to look at the twelve-year-old me and tell her that i turned out alright, that there's nothing majorly wrong with me, that adolescense will teach me not to cry about friends who aren't there and boys who don't care. i would love to sit down with her, tell her that black coffee isn't all that bad, that her writing may never improve but to never stop regardless, that in her notebooks the voice of a progressively more mature young woman is evident and grows to be more easily recognizeable. i would love to tell her about the things that will happen so she can prepare for them, avoid the things that will hurt her, haunt her, keep her up many nights for fear of making the wrong choice. with life comes regret; don't add extra. stress is inevitable; don't worsen it by dwelling.

there are so many things that go on inside my head sometimes. i always wanted to know about the future, but lately it's been the present that concerns me.

who am i?

eleven to your seven

room is cute. stuff is organized. i don't stink. life is good.

well...

"when you need a friend, don't look to a stranger;
you know in the end, i'll always be there.
but when you're in doubt and when you're in danger,
take a look all around and i'll be there."

some friends you can never really leave. after all is said and done, you've shared too many had-to-be-there laughs, gotten through too many cries, and experienced too many life-changing moments to ever actually lose them.

those few people you will have in your life are the true gems.

nothing!

is what i have done all week. except soothe my soul with unsolved mysteries and other dead-end lifetime programs.

what i wouldn't give for a nice pair of balogna shoes...

kaleidoscope

i feel like the summer has slipped between my fingers. i don't know where i was this entire month, but now it's less than two hours away from being august and it's just occuring to me that this was indeed my last real summer to be here with the people i've always summered with.

i know it sounds stupid, and i also know i can't stop myself from criticizing my own statements, but it's sad in a sweet and unhurting way. i feel like i've made peace with most of the people i'll never be seeing again save for new year's eve parties and accidental run-ins at the mall on holidays.

i'm ok. i really am. there are a few people i'm going to come to miss, but mostly i've already gotten over it. i don't cry much anymore except at the most inopportune moments. for example, the most recent episode i can recall involved me being the only soon-to-be graduate at a particular planning event. i don't get emotional over things that normally upset a person's happiness, but rather am bothered immensely by things that nobody gives a flying fuck about. i'm pretty sure we all have our days, but i just haven't had a good cry in a long, long time.

does that make me heartless? probably, which is why i don't generally do well with children. i'm eighteen and i'm selfish and i truly believe i'm invincible. i don't like to be denied something that i want and when i want something i want it immediately. honestly, i'm too wrapped up in myself to be sad about saying goodbye.

they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, but if you're not hurting, i don't see what's wrong.

little july showers

it's raining right now. i can't help but love it. i've always liked it when it rains, unless i had specific plans to do something that can only be done without it.

that's it. still no remedy.

newsflash!

there are other girls out there with my name. according to facebook, there are seven. while a total of seven maggie kennedys may not seem like a lot to the average joe, when you've never met another person with your name, seven is a lot.

and that's just on facebook. i bet there are enough of me to conquer the world!

butterfly in the expansive sky.

truly, i can go twice as high. take a look, why don't you? it's in a leather-bound book! the reading rainbow. the reading rainbow.

and i'm not even on anything.

the verdict:

teeth are being removed tuesday morning. i have a hunch it won't tickle.

i appologize for the short and highly un-entertaining posts. however, i follow that statement with no remedy.

this is what it comes to:

IMing your sister on a tuesday night as you sit on the old pull-out sofa, knees touching and totally IN THE SAME ROOM AS HER.

i love summer.

nightingale song

and little ever changes if anything at all,
and we remind ourselves how small we are.

i don't know.

that's about it.

www.jesusfarts.com

dear paul simon and art garfunkle,

i don't think i like your name, arty, but together you guys make the music of angels. or at least the music that is in my car stereo. thanks for not sucking a lot. i think i am going to take you on vacation version 2.0: myrtle beach style. what do you think of that? i think i should have checked the dates to make sure we were leaving when i said we were leaving so i might actually make some money before going to college. that's what i think.

i also think that "saturday in the park" is definately one of my favorite songs and that it's definately on the radio right now.

well, just thought i'd let you know. don't be those guys.

love,
maggie

mr. reid went to harvard.

did you know that not only is he a terrible candidate to teach ap english literature, but that he is also a cumpulsive lier? the things you learn from emma.

wow.

i just had the best day ever. aside from the panera asshole who always points and laughs at me for reasons (other than the obvious) i can't determine, today was maaaaavelous.

ok. so it was nothing out of the ordinary, but i just went to borders and got a mostly free coffee that was chocolate flavored because - darn! - they ran out of regular. the sacrifices i make.

tomorrow i'm going shopping with my mom. mayhaps it won't rain and the aforementioned tanning necessity can be brought down a few points, though sadly it doesn't look like that will be the case.

i am convinced that lh michael, the unfortunate offspring of microsoft sam, is from columbia. not that i have a problem with south americans. quite the contrary - i'm rather fond of them. but if your computer were to talk to you, wouldn't you expect it to be british? "i'm your new laptop, chum. i eat wretched things that cost a fortune and have a distinct smell. rubbish, beckam, and piss off."

for pete's sake. someone put the world out of it's misery and shut me the hell up.

towels up the wazoo

that's primarily what i did today - counted 35 boxes of towels. and still i feel accomplished.

so basically my welcome-back was played out by being deleted from comany records. all of them. i couldn't clock in, i couldn't clock out, i had to reapply for direct deposit, i can't get an employee discount... the people i worked with in receiving thought my name was kim and that i was the new person hired to work in stock. TWO YEARS, PEOPLE. the only thing that made me feel somewhat like i was at the right place was that the manager - out of the kindness of his dear heart - confirmed that my locker had indeed not been given away. if i didn't have a place to put my money so it could be stolen every few months, mark my words: i would have stormed out of the place.

and returned in three minutes.

seriously, though. it wasn't bad. i actually enjoyed the change of atmosphere. once i began being referred to as "hey" over "kim," i came to realize that the employees customers don't poison with their venomous indifference and ridiculous questions ("what's fiffdee pursent off of tiin?") are actually quite than pleasant to work with.

enough of that. love actually is a great movie and the only instance i can think of in which hugh grant does not play the role of a complete asshole. no; notting hill doesn't count, either.

maybe if the weather ever stops being crappy we can go to the beach. not that i'm volunteering (or not volunteering, i suppose) to haul you around, but does anyone agree that we could all use a little tan? that's what i thought. so who's in?

i guess that's all for now. i'm tired and typed out.

maybe you'll learn something new, but probably not.

Three names I go by:
1. maggs
2. doodle
3. mooster

Three screen names I've had:
1. doodle0512
2. hazelnut587
3. funmaggs

Three physical things I like about myself:
1. eyes
2. teeth
3. hands

Three physical things I don't like about myself:
1. tummy
2. thighs
3. boobs (or lack thereof)

Three parts of my heritage:
1. irish
2. german
3. dirty polack

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. white uf t-shirt
2. pink pajama pants
3. underwear. the scandalous kind.

Three favorite bands/musical artists:
1. hey mercedes
2. billy joel
3. ani difranco

Three favorite songs:
1. burnadette
2. boys of summer
3. your song

Three things I want in a relationship:
1. love
2. patience
3. equality

Two truths and a lie
1. i have never seen titanic.
2. i love living in florida.
3. i dislike dogs to the point of nearly hating them. all.

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to you:
1. strong arms
2. handsome eyes
3. deep voice (technically not UNphysical)

Three favorite hobbies:
1. shopping
2. writing
3. talking to friends (cliche, but my favorite of the three)

Three things I want to do badly right now:
1. go back to europe
2. find someone spectacular
3. get a manicure

Three things that scare me:
1. never finding true happiness
2. never finding a career
3. being completely figured out

Three of my everyday essentials:
1. shower
2. eye make-up
3. a good laugh

Three careers you have considered or are considering:
1. spanish major
2. criminal psychologist
3. mommy

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. australian outback
2. spain
3. chile

Three kids names you like:
1. corryn
2. felicity
3. maitland

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. travel the world
2. speak spanish fluently
3. marry someone spectacular (but not before i'm 25)

Three ways I am stereotypically a boy:
1. i sweat.
2. i belch.
3. i take an occasional shit.

Three ways I am stereotypically a girl:
1. i love flowers.
2. sparklie things catch my attention. always.
3. i own too much jewelry

Three celeb crushes:
1. celebs don't do much for me.
2.
3.

your song

so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do -
you see, i’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue.
anyway, the thing is, what i really mean -
yours are the sweetest eyes i’ve ever seen.

router?

i have one? that works? and i'm updating using the laptop?

correct-san.

one laptop, two warnings, and countless cherries later...

so now it's friday. things are somewhat back to normal, though i did have several other strange experiences last night. i swear - i can't do anything anymore without something completely weird happening.

not that i mind.

about those ap scores... i'm not going to lie. i kind of rocked this year. out of four, i only failed one, and i finally got a four on an exam, but not just any exam - the ap calculus ab exam of death. so today i might have to celebrate in the form of decorative pillows for my bed and fantastic bowl chair that are to follow me like ducklings to my in-state university of choice.

but enough about me.

just kidding!

it turns out i forgot a lot of spanish. for example, the verb llegar means "to arrive". i thought it meant "to allow." imagine my confusion as i sit in borders at 9pm on a thursday night trying to fill in the blank when beatriz has not yet allowed, yet always allows on time. ay, que lindo!

my mom bought cherries, in case you were wondering what that was all about. i have been enjoying them in the morning. i have not been enjoying shakira covered in tar on vh1 in the morning.

that's it for now. i smell and need to shower, but i'm probably going to go shopping instead.

saturday in the park; i think it was the fourth of july.

so yesterday was pure awesome. i knew i loved this holiday for a reason. between the fireworks and the fireworks, it rocked.

today i got a new phone. same number, millions of more things i can do. just thought i'd take this opportunity to brag.

that's it for now. movies tonight. new faves rock.

new discoveries:

• diet coke doesn't stain if your name is alicia.
• bridget jones will still be easy to relate to in each new sequel of what i hope to be hundreds.
• microsoft is more than idiot proof when it comes to formatting a hard drive.
• french cologne is spectacular.

coming round the college corner

this is going to be expensive. very, very expensive.

and totally worth it.

the list of things chris and i both like is growing. not exponentially or anything, but still. it's something to be happy about. we figured out that we both like to laugh and see blood, for example.

has someone ever specifically told you not to show up at a performance? it kind of hurts, but in a way it's also a compliment. but it still really hurts. would you show up anyways though and stand where you won't be seen? or would that just piss them off? i'd appreciate your thoughts on that one.

as for now, shower and more shopping. tonight is movies at andrew's. inconceiveable!

talent show, anyone?

"you may be right;
i may be crazy,
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for.
turn out the light;
don't try to save me.
you may be wrong, for all i know,
but you may be right."

it's times like last night that i resent growing up and moving away. or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that i resent ucf in whole.

joke's on you, peabody.

so guess what? i'm officially in college now. not that i've taken any classes or anything, unlike a certain hampster i happen to know (and got to see today. very happy about that.); but i have indeed registered for classes and just ordered an incredibly amazing and exciting laptop. i think that counts.

preview is over, and now i am burning a cd of pictures to be developed tomorrow. though i did cut out two-thirds of my total collection, i still have a crapload to print. methinks this will not be an inexpensive endeavor.

and folks, that is the first time i have ever used the word "endeavor." i've never even said it out loud.

but on the more serious side, i'm really looking forward to next year. i still don't know exactly where i'm headed in life. correction: i have absolutely no clue where i'm headed in life, but now i have a vague idea of what i could make my future turn out to be. even though that was horrible english, and even though my end goal at this point is so highly ambitious it's downright hilarious, i feel better knowing i'm no longer talking to myself like i was on graduation day when i made a speech that didn't seem to touch anyone but myself.

i want to meet new people and get involved. i want to explore different ways to solve the same problems and learn firsthand how it feels to be cultured and social and know how to act with grace and confidence in any situation i would react to with awkward hesitation if confronted with today. i want to say that i've gained more knowledge through experience and dedication and even failure. who knows? i just may meet someone along the way who can stand up for me and these ridiculous thoughts that i have that i never knew i had.

but i'm just being an 18 year-old girl who got a glimpse of what the world has to offer and is now anxious to unveil the rest.

like the dinosaur movie, we're back.

i have so many stories a pictures and stories about pictures, all of which i would LOVE to share with such a captivated audience.

however, my stomach and intestines have taken a turn for the worse, and on this uf preview eve, i find myself in a puddle of maggie, unable to type the million amusing happenings and mishaps of the past month.

i will mention, though, that i had the time of my life. literally. i have a completely new perspective and feel like a completely new person. the trip was amazing, and i will never forget a moment of it.

until later, chickpeas.