kaleidoscope

i feel like the summer has slipped between my fingers. i don't know where i was this entire month, but now it's less than two hours away from being august and it's just occuring to me that this was indeed my last real summer to be here with the people i've always summered with.

i know it sounds stupid, and i also know i can't stop myself from criticizing my own statements, but it's sad in a sweet and unhurting way. i feel like i've made peace with most of the people i'll never be seeing again save for new year's eve parties and accidental run-ins at the mall on holidays.

i'm ok. i really am. there are a few people i'm going to come to miss, but mostly i've already gotten over it. i don't cry much anymore except at the most inopportune moments. for example, the most recent episode i can recall involved me being the only soon-to-be graduate at a particular planning event. i don't get emotional over things that normally upset a person's happiness, but rather am bothered immensely by things that nobody gives a flying fuck about. i'm pretty sure we all have our days, but i just haven't had a good cry in a long, long time.

does that make me heartless? probably, which is why i don't generally do well with children. i'm eighteen and i'm selfish and i truly believe i'm invincible. i don't like to be denied something that i want and when i want something i want it immediately. honestly, i'm too wrapped up in myself to be sad about saying goodbye.

they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, but if you're not hurting, i don't see what's wrong.