chilly nilly!

today was ick. i got home, made a pot-o-coffee, and proceeded to watch she's all that for reasons beyond my comprehension. i think tonight i'm going to finish off a few more chapters of invisible man and apply for a scholarship or two. i will get at least one.

WILL.

word on the street is that tomorrow is the lovely singing day for all my favorite thespians. i can't wait and i'm not even in the club. oh, the untold joys tomorrow shall bring.

i think it finally stopped raining while i typed this. imagine that.

card games gone wild.

dream: "i'm kind of sick of romance now. i need something raw and fresh. like man flesh."

bee ee aye gee gee are ee ess ess eye vee ee!

yep. still walking on eggshells. i can't seem to get away from them, either, and all i really want to do is jump all over the place. i think i will if things don't settle down according to my schedule.

ANYWAYS.

multicultural assembly tomorrow. i'm looking forward to the irish dancer. it makes me so happy that she can do that. i wish i could.

chris is making a video of a math-off between mr. schutz and mrs. brand, and i am honored to say that i was invited to be the latter. he said he thought i could pull off the laser-eye stare. little does he know that i actually do have laser vision. true story.

so who's excited for emma's party on saturday? answer is this girl right here. i don't know what/who to dress up as, though.
limited budget + lack of ideas - creativity = thoughtless.
any suggestions? maybe i'll go as a dude, or perhaps just keanu reeves.

i'm out of stuff to say. hope everyone had a marvelous day.

"stop that rhyming - now, i mean it!"
"anybody want a peanut?"

chance time?

today was pretty good, i must say. i got up early and went rollerblading before work. john and kelly stopped by for shits and giggles, and later sweeney and co. visited when i went on break. a lot of cool people opened, too, so it went quickly.

tonight i went to see constantine with john. good movie, but thoroughly confusing. if only keanu reeves could be taken seriously... then we chilled listening to early nineties music at the picasso mcdonald's. twas a fun evening indeed.

when i got home - SURPRISE - my dad was on the couch. he had been in orlando since wednesday and i thought he was coming home tomorrow. needless to say, i felt disoriented.

in fact, i still do.

so that's my day in very short. hope you enjoyed your stay at the luxe burnadette blog.

open for business

what a truly interesting community my workplace is. who would have thought?

afterwards, i went out to chilis with jessica and carri. a drunk guy kept screaming "goodbye!" at me in the parking lot. odd, yet funny.

who else couldn't stop being perverted and wanted "desperately" to compare the blackberries in the ap lit essay to sex? not that that's what i wrote about, but i sure thought of it.

and on that strange note i leave you.

am i too obvious?

i wonder sometimes.

anywho, what a grimey day. if it wasn't so cold, it may have been downright enjoyable, but it is, so it wasn't. good thing home depot had a window the size of the old one, or it would be raining inside. that would be kind of neat, actually.

i made dinner for my mom and only have a lab and some studying to do for homework. then it's coffee and law and order, my two favorite lovers.

i guess everyone is at the theatre tonight. i didn't particularly want to go, but now that i didn't, it will probably end up being a really good performance. that's my luck.

i better get going on that lab so i can update more interestingly later. that crazy speed of light - always good for a laugh.

jump click!

what a good day. while some were skipping school, i was on my way to buy THE PERFECT PROM DRESS.

yes. i found it.

i don't want to reveal much about it, so i will just say that it's really pretty.

mom: "so now that we've gone to the dress store, we need to go to the boy store."

and now i am done talking about prom.

dear perfect prom dress,

where are you? i tried looking for you again today but i couldn't find you anywhere. i thought you were hiding in the yellow and torquoise strapless dress of sheer beauty but you weren't, because it was too expensive and i didn't have the boobs to fill it. then i thought i saw you in the nice minty one at dillards, but again my suspicions were unnecessary - that, too, would have exposed me at some point during the night.

i looked for you for two hours this afternoon, and you weren't in any store at westfield. you make me so sad.

tomorrow i shall try again. leave me clues, please, because i get lost easily in international plaza for reasons unbeknownst to everyone.

yours truly,
maggie

um. what?

today was a total waste as far as school is concerned. i tutored and got paid (yes!), and then came home to the weirdest thing ever: a tree in my family room.

no joke. the winds from the approaching cold front blew over the palm we just had planted in our front yard a week ago. it smashed through the window and knocked out a few of the stones on the side of the house on the way down. what sucks the most is not only the damage to the house (which is now freezing since it's pretty difficult to move a freaking palm tree and even more difficult to place a barrier between it and the rest of the house), but the tree was expensive, too.

it also doesn't brighten the situation that the project board i have to take to state with me in april was in the room and is now completely useless. poor thing was in the way when all hell broke loose and is now creased just enough to be nonfunctional. FANTASTIC.

everyone is in a bad mood because it hasn't been long enough to be funny yet, so basically i'm stuck in a frozen-over hell.

with that said, how was your day?

the rain is nice for a change. i know that many (ahem - sweens) won't agree with that statement, but i really enjoy the sound of it falling on the roof or blowing against the windows. before we redid the kitchen, you could hear it hitting on the tin vent - i don't know how, but it did. it always makes me feel really happy.

i wish i could insert something meaningful right here, but it's just not happening.

polUlar!

so guess what?

my project kicked some major ass last night. not only did i beat shrimp girl, but i landed first place in senior environmental science - PLUS i'm going to state in april along with dustin, ally, and jim. sweet? i. think. so!

today was pretty depressing, though. special olympics were cancelled due to "the inclement weather," and to top it off we had a suckass test in math. oh well. what can you do?

work was pretty cool. i had fun bragging about my mostly amazing week.

oh. and i GUESS i shouldn't forget to say:

happy birthday, eek! i love you (and abu!)! "there's a party here in agraba..." i'm glad you had a fun day getting a pedicure with our gramma. nintendo forever like woah in the his house.

love youuuuuu!

[poop!]

monger el beast

today was better than yesterday.

much.

yesterday consisted of critical evaluation of my semester-long project, with a nice jim, bob, and random engineer to brighten my day. the occasional visit from alex didn't hurt, either. too bad we had to stand most of the time, and too bad that shrimp girl totally kicked my ass in science land. i guess i'll see how i measure up tonight at the awards ceremony.

today was just plain terrific. no make-up work, and i already wrote the essay i missed in ap lit. math wasn't too bad, either. i guess after the complete break-down i had last night before passing out meant that things could only get better. it was comical in a way. my mom was laughing, anyways. i suppose that once you start crying and grabbing at the jewelry dish on the kitchen counter it's time to say "screw it" and go to bed at 8 pm.

not that you wanted to know.

a word to the wise: running in dirt in jeans and flip flops (and a shirt, if you're not being photographed) isn't the smoothest way to go.

poncho and lefty take the stage

i don't know what made me say that, but i seem to have kept my identity hidden in the midst of all the crush day mayhem. and you?

today was quite productive for me. i would go through the specifics of it all, but i'll just end up boring you to tears.

on the other hand, today SUCKED! mainly because of bree-und and her terrific idea of having a test this thursday on logistics. what a genius, i tell you, which i suppose explains why she teaches college-level mathematics.

cumulatative. silly alex.

"get over here, you chubby little dork!"

today was full of florida state fair fun. alliteration, too.

i am now delightfully burnt, as sweeney and alise are, and perhaps drew-drew, candlestick, and the rest of the gang are monstah lobstahs.

i'm such a crazy bitch.

anyways, this week is going to be freaking awesome.

why, maggie? regale us.

if you insist.

you see, it goes like this: no school today, school tomorrow, no school wednesday, school thursday, no school friday! not much is going on tomorrow, anyways, and i'm sure that thursday won't be very enthralling, either. wednesday is the science fair at usf (look for the ridiculous showboard with toy cars on it and a title much longer than it ever needed to be.), and friday i am allegedly competing in the special olympics (thank you, alex, for your undying support.).

last night i had a most delightful time with the girls at jt after prom dress shopping with the sweens. i wish i had brought my camera so i can get opinions or just LOOK at all the shit that's out there over and over again.

i'm pretty sure there's salt in my eye.

who's up for everwood tonight?

gremlin boy

i have no idea what in HELL is going on. i wish i could see what ends up happening just so i don't have to be confused right now. i have been tinkering with this time machine and plan to have it finished in about five minutes. hopefully it will solve all problems.

ambiguity! gets two thumbs up, rave thumb one and thumb two.

i wish i was cool and had uber sweet talents. i want to cook dinner for my dad on his birthday, but sometimes things don't work out too well when i do that. anything neat i can learn to do in two weeks?

speaking of cooking, i'm going to be in greece for most of june. isn't that terrific? partly, of course, because i can tell damn terri to go fuck herself - i'm not her shitslave*.

that'll be the day. may eighteenth, let me count the ways...

history channel is my lover.

tonight equals movie and sleepover. will update later when can find pronouns.

*i have a tendency to make up profanities when speaking of someone/thing i highly dislike. it's highly enjoyable, i find. try it sometime.

starshine

what a good day.

scratch that. what a GREAT day. some drama ish started to hit the fan, but i am far beyond the point of caring. all i know is that i've got sunshine in a bag; i'm happy.

1. i got an 87% on the calculus test. eighty-seven percent. that's a personal best.

2. we kicked ass in humanities, part 2. apparently it's funny that i was alecto, the angry fury.

"and i am alecto, the goddess known for her unceasing anger!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

3. i got paid for two spanish tutoring sessions, and consequently FINALLY:

4. paid off my remaining debt!

so you're talking to a mathie, angry, debt-free happy girl.

how are YOU?

i can't believe i forgot:

i am also called mooster.

so... can i have my christmas present now?

suck, suck, suck.

my name is today and i just plain suck.

but at least i don't have much homework.

my cousin who lives in new york sent me a funny note and some pokemon stuff today, plus an avenue q magnet that i couldn't find while visiting. yaaaaaay!

tomorrow equals movies at usf. excited? i think so.

sweeney is coming over in a little bit, so i should probably get some homework out of the way, though i doubt i will.

i guess it wasn't really that bad.

a day for the birds

i don't know anymore. maybe it was all just a dumb idea that was blown up too big too fast. i think i may go back on everything i said.

how was your day? i wrote a much better and more uplifting post earlier in the afternoon, but it would neither save nor publish and is now forever lost.

boo hoo.

this is your consolation prize. thank you for reading the blog of maggie fudgecow.

it seems as though i will be going to gainesville the first weekend of spring break. beach, tans, no school for a week... i can't wait.

i can't write. this sucks. goodnight.

what a terrific day

and it seems as though it will only get better.

tonight i'm going out to karaoke with some friends to ward off any chance of self-pity, though i must return earlier than i originally hoped to study for a titanic-sized calculus test tomorrow.

eep.

but with the way things have gone so far today, tonight promises to be just as wonderful.

i hope everyone else had an amazing valentine's day. if you didn't, call me asap and i'll do my best to cheer you up (yes. i really am in that good of a mood that i have happiness to spare.).

i love you!

afternoon delight

i've had such a busy day, and i feel as though i haven't accomplished a single thing. some the day's efforts may or may not show up at school tomorrow, but if you see me in the morning, stop me because i just might have a present for you (yes, YOU!).

today:
7:30 - woke up, took a shower
9:00 - church
10:30 - humanities project at sweeney's
12:30 - store for eggs (see two lines down)
1:30 - grad party meeting
3:00 - made a billion cookies
3:10 - mindy over! surprise!
3:30 - still making a billion cookies
4:30 - made valentines for parents
5:30 - fixed rita's dinner
6:00 - began psychology essays
6:30 - quit and went online
now - craving coffee while talking about boys and wondering if i should wear pink tomorrow (currently voting yea.)

all in all, it was a pleasantly busy day. tomorrow should be wonderful, also, and if it's not, at least i'm not going to be watching anchorman.

have a beautiful evening, lovelies.

perfect

"so far,
i still know who you are,
but now i wonder who i was."

a first love is the most unique love you will ever experience. it makes you so happy and so sad at the same time, but when you're with the one you first gave your heart to, they make you feel like you couldn't be more

"perfect
strangers down the line,
lovers out of time,
memories unwind..."

i know that i've grown up since then, and he's not the same, i'm sure. i feel like if we had only met a year later, things would have been different.

and yet, it couldn't have been more perfect the way it was.

"angel, you know it's not the end.
we'll always be good friends;
the letters have been sent on."

it's someone you will never forget, this first love. you may want to more than anything in the world, but you can never completely leave it behind. you may find yourself wondering on a saturday night just how it is that you could still be the same as you were together as you are apart, though years and countless influences have changed you.

but no matter what,

"perfect -
you know this has to be."

as taken from x:

Name: maggie
Nicknames: maggs, magpie, doodle, and the latest: maggie lynn
Birthday: may 12, 1987
Birthplace: cleveland, oh

=Now=

Current mood: happy
Current music: hey mercedes "slightest idea"
Current taste: my mouth
Current hair: in a sloppy bun
Current clothes: pajama pants and a psu shirt (i know, i know.)
Current annoyance: light from the screen, oddly enough
Current smell: living room
Current thing I ought to be doing: sleeping
Current windows open: the one next to me that you're apparently looking through.
Current desktop picture: creek in erie
Current favorite band/group: i'll take ben kweller for 500
Current book: fighting on two fronts, unfortunately
Current cd in stereo: smashing pumpkins
Current favorite celeb: none
Current hate: i'm happy, fool.

=Do I=

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Remember your first love?: how could i forget?
Still love him/her?: always will
Read the newspaper?: no
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: yes
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: in actions, but not in thought.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: depends on my mood, so i'll go with no.
Consider love a mistake?: never
Like the taste of alcohol?: yes
Have a favorite candy?: CHOCOLATE.
Believe in astrology?: of course it exists
Believe in magic?: no
Believe in God?: yes
Have any pets?: two cats
Go to or plan to go to college?: go gators!
Have any piercings?: five
Have any tattoos?: no
Hate yourself?: i try not to
Have an obsession?: several
Have a secret crush?: do i ever not?
Do they know yet?: highly unlikely
Have a best friend?: there a several who i am really close to, but dream probably hears most of my crap, so i'm going with agent park.
Wish on stars?: yes, though i know nothing comes from wishing.
Care about looks?: too much

=Love life=

First crush: in kindergarten, jason something-or-other. his grandmother knitted me mittens.
First kiss: during the end credits of the majestic. in the words of bono, "oh, the sweetest thing."
Single or attached?: so single it's gross.
Ever been in love?: again, yes.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: i believe in strong attraction, but not love at first sight.
Do you believe in "the one?": less and less. you can make nearly anybody your one if you try hard enough. hence, divorce court.
Describe your ideal significant other: humorous, witty, can hold a good and naturally-flowing conversation, and smart. i don't care about money, cars, or clothes, but i prefer (though do not require) tall guys that are well-traveled and/or enjoy excursions. complete laziness is not acceptable, and gentlemanliness and creativity are always pluses.

=Juicy stuff=

Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: no. i'm a prude.
Have you ever been intoxicated?: yes
Favorite place to be kissed?: lips would be logical.
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": ...define "something."
Are you a tease?: not that i'm aware of. are you?
Shy to make the first move?: me? shy? ...of course.

=Word association=

Rubber: vietnam
Rock: star
Green: with purple passionate blues
Wet: dog
Cry: spy
Peanut: man
Hay: stack
Cold: ice
Steamy: steam?
Fast: race
Freaky: mama
Rain: shower
Bite: snake
Blow: job (thanks chris.)
Religion: job (still stuck on it)


--APPEARANCE:--
Hair: light brown
Eyes: blue
Height: 5'8' funny you should ask now that you know who my ideal mate is.

--LAST THING YOU:--
Bought: crush soda (a mere slip of paper, to be precise)
Ate & Drank: advantage bar and hazelnut coffee from panera.
Read: "read"
Watched on tv: what not to wear

--EITHER / OR:--
club or houseparty: houseparty, considering i can't do the latter
beer or cider: beer
drinks or shots: depends on who's present
cats or dogs: cats
single or taken: you're mean.
pen or pencil: pen
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: poopsi
this or that: the other

--WHO DO YOU WANT TO:--
kill: the olsen twins and ----- ----- (guess correctly and i'll tie a ribbon in your hair) (and no, it's not james hogan)
get really wasted with: anyone i'm already friends with.
look like: i wouldn't recognize myself if i looked like someone else.
be like: a better person
avoid: terrizia ferrer (?) and anyone else who pisses me off


-LAST PERSON YOU--
talked to: my mom
hugged: dream
instant messaged: dream again


--WHERE DO YOU--
eat: at home?
cry: alone
wish you were: here i suppose


--HAVE YOU EVER...--
Dated one of your best friends? i've dated someone who turned into a best friend.
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yes
Drank alcohol? yes
Done drugs? again, no
Broken the law? yes
Run away from home? no
Broken a bone? no
Played Truth Or Dare? who hasn't?
Kissed someone you didn't know? on the cheek.
Been in a fight? no. i'm SO peaceful.
Come close to dying? no


--WHAT IS:--
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: nsync chat series.
Your bedroom like?: neat and messy at the same time
Your favorite thing for breakfast? ick. nothing.
Your favorite restaurant?: applebees (oriental chicken roll-up, sans chicken)


--RANDOM QUESTIONS--
What's on your bedside table?: pink carnations, burts bees, and some pictures of things that no one would find funny but myself and those posed in them (namely, dana and my sis).
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: muenster cheese or chick peas.
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: steel magnolias and the notebook (second one isn't much of a secret, though)
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: nose job.
What is your biggest fear?: being a bitch and people readily admitting it, though i suppose i'm not so much afraid of that as anticipating it.
What feature are you most insecure about?: nearly everything, plus voice (talking and singing)
Do you ever have to beg?: um...?
Are you a pyromaniac?: me? fire? HELLO!
Do you have too many love interests?: no way, jose.
Crushes?: what about him?
Do you know anyone famous?: several, and share blood with two.
Describe your bed: cold at the moment.
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous
Do you know how to play poker?: yes, but can't
What do you carry with you at all times?: underwear, but i guess that isn't really carried so much as worn. lip gloss, too (carried + worn).
How do you drive?: not well, apparently.
What do you miss most about being little?: ignorance and grandparents.
Are you happy with your given name?: i vote no.
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: it's too convenient, aim and e-mail aside; but $50,000 would suffice. i'll take cash, thank you.
What was the last song you were listening to?: go back 892389382 questions
Have you ever been in a play?: two.
Who are your best friends?: i dont want to leave someone out, so i won't answer
Do you talk a lot?: if i know you or like you.
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: sometimes and sometimes.
Do you think you're cute?: i've been told i'm pretty, but i don't have a high opinion of my physical self.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?: what an odd question.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: no.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: friends win by default. and i hate you.
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: "did i just see that? oh yeah; they're allowed to."

strange note to end on.

request for an early death

me: president's day. there's a day for white people in february.
[censor]: but it's still black history month.
me: then why pick february?
[censor]: because it's short.

valentine's day

i realize this post is premature, but i felt like writing it tonight.

if you aren't in a relationship or can't find a date, the day is not only pointless but pretty damn depressing.

everyone is completely (or mostly, anways) absorbed in themselves and their other half, and you, oh god of being without, must submit to being exposed all day to the excessive kissing and exaggerated acts of love and kindness between desperate male and rosy-cheeked female.

it's almost sickening if you don't have anyone. granted, i've only been in a relationship come february fourteenth twice in my short life, but it sucks ass when you know how great the day can be if you've got someone special to share it with.

this year, i don't really care what people think. every other idiot who doesn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend - gay or straight - is my valentine.

that's right. i said it.

you've got a friend in me, buddy, because i am not - i repeat - am NOT going to let it be a shitty day.

so singles of tampa, happy valentine's day in advance. i love you, and i hope you aren't mad that i've claimed you regardless of your consent.

EVERYTHING!

since i suck so much at updating, i'll do a dream post today:

happy birthday, burp! i've really had a great junior and senior year (so far) with you as my friend. you've been there when i was down and doubting myself, and you helped me retain my sanity when i was sure i would lose it. you're beautiful, smart, and so very pianically talanted. i love you, and i hope your day is amazing!

in the words of a true friend:

"You make me smile when I want to cry out in despair (That sounds pretty damn dramatic, but I can't think of anything not gay at the moment)."

eep!

i wanted to say that. "eep!" doesn't actually have anything to do with this post.

quite the contrary - i have nothing of great interest to report. school is dragging on, but it's almost the weekend already. i have a possible party and garden state to look forward to, not to mention my terrific job.

i am nearly not in debt. i should be completely paid up by this time next week, but we shall see. money has a tendency to disappear when i'm in charge of it, like my ability to drive when i'm behind the wheel.

on grading essays in english: nobody really knows how to write. it saddens me so.

my craving for spearmint gum has been subdued for the time being. i've still got 35 more pieces to go until i can't stand it for another three years. mmm.

seeing as i really don't have anything to say, i'll stop here.

or will i?

...yes.

wendy bird

here are my excuses:

• tuesday: i was busy all afternoon cleaning and doing other chores, and at night i had to work on my project board because i decided to finish it before it was due.
• wednesday: i took a nap after school due to aforementioned late-night rendezvous with assignment and then had to work inventory until 10 pm.

does that count?

today i got a haircut. when i came home from jogging after getting a haircut, the haircut had curled.

haircut.

pepcid complete.

i feel a story capsule* coming on...

"nexium for the traveler, golden piano lamp, nectarine dream, play my harmonica, please."

that felt good.

how do you think the calculus test went? i either did really good or completely sucked. i have no idea which, but it can't possibly be in between.

i think there is a communion dish on this very desk (mom: "no. it isn't. it really isn't." ...sure.).

in other news, i now tutor two new students, both for pay. isn't it grand?

i'm done bragging and complaining. peace and cheesecake.

*i'm not crazy.

dear everyone,

how did you feel after watching the deliciouslyladenwithjudelaw movie, closer?

confused?

depressed?

both?

if you understood it and all its symbolic glory, please do explain.

love,
doodle

moosha moosha moosha - freeze!

my toes hurt.

in other news, i am having heat flashes. surprise; i'm fifty-five.

since it's illegal to download music without "paying" (whatever that means), i need to find a new, cheap song puddle in which to fish. any recommendations?

ursher got the beat to make ya booty go [clap].

it's a kitty on the top of the chair that i hate.

i wish i could post pictures. too bad i can't. maybe someday.

anyways, I LOVE YOU!

tick, tock...

come on, marching cowboys. any day now.

and we'll all flow on alright.

the summer just keeps looking funner and funner. it seems as though i'll be pretty busy just before heading up to gainesville in august, which is definately a plus. nine times out of ten, it is not a good idea to let me sit around and contemplate things.

for example, high school is almost over and i'm in fourth period with nothing to do but contemplate things.

anyways, i'm excited. i don't want to get too into it at this moment, but i really can't wait.

i wonder what others feel. excited? reluctant? a mixture of both?

the hesitation hasn't hit me yet, but i know it will come.

comments demanded and digressions welcome.

"high above the streets below when no one was around..."

what a fantastic weekend. i did so much that you'd get bored listening to me tell you about it. i would post some of the superb pictures i took (of course they're good; i took them.), but i still can't figure out this damned "hello" program.

i'll give you the highlights:

• friday: finally met bryan (cousin-in-law) and visited rockefeller center.
• saturday: ate american bastardized greek food, shopped aaall day (chinatown included) (which is INSANE, by the way), and saw avenue q ("come." "mittment." "come." "mittment." "com-" "mittment.").
• sunday: flea marketed-it, did some more "real" shopping, visited the closed-off (yet aesthetically pleasing, oddly enough) ground zero, and almost died in a taxi.
• today: was driven to the airport by a crazy little man whose hair was cut in a style verging on a mullet, then flew home after an hour-long delay (after everyone had boarded), seated next to an incredibly good-looking fellow.

i have already unpacked and taped and tacked ticket stubs and signs on my walls, so i'm un-new yorked.

moral of the story: sample the free food with caution.

i suck at updating.

happy birthday, sweeney! [nerf, nerf] you're a terrific friend and i can't wait for next year. i hope your day is full of fun and smiles (by the way, i work for hallmark.). "life is beautiful!"

bad week; better weekend.

that about sums it up.

peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee esssssssssssssssssss: if you want something from new york, let me know, give me dough, and i'll do my best to get it.

i'm a follower. what can i say?

Best and worst of 2004

1. Go to a party? yes
2. Try something new? yes
3. Have someone change your life? yes
4. Kiss someone? no comment.
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? yes
6. Buy something extravagant? yes
7. Do something nice for you? yes
8. Do something terribly wrong? yes
9. Move? no
10. Go to a concert? yes

Best of the Year:
1. Party: sweeney's or amber's. both were memorable.
2. Show: vagabond tales... not.
3. CD: copywrite (not made in 2004, though)
4. Movie: i don't know, 'ho.
5. Song: yeah!
6. Experience: letting go. finally. also, quitting leadership.
7. Concert: old fashioned tanya's on a friday night (hey. it works.)
8. Book: catch-22 or catcher in the rye
9. Month: june or july
10. Place you went to: ocean isle beach
11. Day: december 10th? anyone? anyone?

Worst of the Year:
1. Party: i'm smart enough to not answer.
2. Show: vagabond tales like woah.
3. CD: couldn't tell you.
4. Movie: the grudge
5. Song: "hey baby." you killed it for me, dream park. also, anything and everything by linkin park and avril fucking lavinge.
6. Experience: the youth group night (princess knows what i mean.)
7. Concert: ?
8. Book: mbe (technically a play, but same diff. it sucked.)
9. Month: may or august
10. Day: a sunday in august when everything just kind of sucked squared.


Hopes for 2005:
1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2005. i will be a happy freshman at uf with my terrific roommate in jennings hall.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? i wish we wouldn't be so ignorant.
3. What do you hope for yourself? to be more motivated and suck it up when i can't get out of things i don't want to do.
4. What do you hope for your family? to live?
5. What do you hope for your best friends? happiness and good decision-making. and fimes.

During 2004:
1. Where were you when it began? the hussin's
2. Did you stay up: to see the ball drop? yes.
3. What was your new year wish? i don't remember, but it probably didn't come true.
4. How many girlfriends/boyfriends: none; just dated.
5. Broke up: not possible.
6. Have any crushes? yes.
7. Care to mention names? not really.
8. New friends: yes.
9. Had to say goodbye: i miss my lawa fudgecow.
10. Missed anyone: did i call that or what?
11. Win anything? nothing memorable.
13. Worst place you went to: work or confession. i really don't know which is worse.
14. Happiest moment: jonathan thing.
15. How was your birthday: i don't remember the actual day, but the party was nothing special; nothing like what i have planned for this year.
16. Best present: digital camera

-Countdown-

TEN random things about me...
10. i have never smoked.
9. i still have bunny and talk to it.
8. my family owns exactly one dvd.
7. i think worms are cute.
6. on my first date, i wound up throwing gummy bears.
5. i hate, hate, HATE adam sandler.
4. i wouldn't mind being a black chick.
3. i dislike trucker hats.
2. i enjoy cleaning.
1. you can change my opinion on nearly anything.

NINE places I've visited...
9. ocean isle beach, nc
8. gatlinburg, tn
7. erie, pa
6. nyc
5. miami
4. houston
3. indianapolis, in
2. richmond, va
1. atlanta

EIGHT things I want to do before I die...
8. turn twenty-five
7. find "the one"
6. have some direction
5. sky-dive
4. break glass on purpose
3. buy a convertible
2. make something really neat (as in artwork or poetry)
1. slap someone

SEVEN ways to win my heart...
7. be funny
6. be appropriate
5. play nintendo
4. shut up when i'm angry
3. not talk down to me or make me feel even slightly inferior. ever.
2. love me in sweats and love me dressed up
1. not judge me

SIX things I believe...
6. people think i'm weak if they see me cry.
5. sometimes it's better to fuck up than to always be right.
4. deceit is nearly unforgiveable.
3. materialism is hilarious.
2. braces make everyone look falsely younger.
1. death isn't the end to anything.

FIVE things I'm afraid of...
5. ending up alone
4. being completely unhappy
3. someone finding my notebooks
2. appearing foolish
1. driving in the mountains

FOUR of my favorite items in my bedroom...
4. my viking thing
3. akr autographed collection (1930)
2. windows
1. randomness on my walls (not an item, i know, i know.)

THREE things I do everyday...
3. drink some amount of water
2. sleep
1. smile

TWO things I'm trying not to do right now...
2. fiddle
1. yawn

ONE person I want to see right now...
1. paige

looking back

i guess it's time to take a "retrospective look" at 2004 (yes, i did take the wording from x).

i had my good times...

• "juuuuuuust breeeeeeeeeathe."
• finally a senior
• seeing poodle
• uf-bound
• beginning a new notebook and having it be more successful than the last
• passing when i felt like failing
• making new friends ("there's MOSES in my eye!") and rediscovering old ones ("that looks like africa. you see it?")

i had my hard times...

• damn boys
• damn studying
• damn steinmart
• damn [some other things]

everything added together to make 2004 a year of many milestones and a lot of growing up.

to everyone i lost last year: conflict makes things interesting. just think of it that way.

to everyone i gained: you've most likely helped me to find myself, and i thank you for that.

happy new year.

ya gots to understand - trick LOVE the kids.

jennings, rawlings, and yuLEEEE better watch their backs. me and the sweenmeister are headed in their general direction.

i finally got most of the mess in my room cleaned up, and tomorrow i will be beating my brains out looking for damned mustangs. i can't wait, by the way.

of course, this is only if the contraption of death is still in working order.

question to all college-bound seniors: are you going to change your area code on your cell phone for next year? if you don't answer (and even if you do), i'll ask you in person.

drop the top and let the sunshine in. peace.

chris university

after an insanely outrageous week, i will be staying in tonight to recuperate.

by the way, this week was insanely outrageous.

i got a chance to talk to paigie-poo last night. i miss the summer. "the sailor said, 'brandy, you're a fine girl (you're a fine girl). what a good wife you would be (such a fine girl). but my life, my love, and my lady is the sea."

i went shopping with my mom and sister today. it was an experience not to be repeated with two hours of sleep after a somewhat outrageous night.

anyways, in other news:
-we have an nfl video. just why i couldn't tell you.
-i'm completely screwed where that project is concerned. remember that project? because i sure didn't.
-a lot of people are moving away, and by "a lot of people" i mean megan. elliot smith.
-MASQUERADE!
-i love my future roomie.

well, i could continue, but this postie kind of sucksie.

adieu.

merry christmas, everybody!

i guess that about sums it up.

hope everyone has a terrific day, with or without snow.

lifehouse

"when the world keeps spinning round,
my world's upside-down.
you and i wouldn't change a thing."

those lyrics don't relate to me much right now, but i still love that song.

how is everybody's break going so far?

one down, two to go

and then everybody's home free!

i'm at school right now. i just finished the engineering exam (which i got an "a" on despite the fact that i completely effed up one of the SIX questions), and i was going to go to the bank but i forgot my deposit slip.

talk to a seventh grader online sometime. it'll surprise you just how much you were like that only a short time ago.

according to my doctor, i can hear and am not anemic. i got a sparkly bandaid and a lollipop, too. oh, the benefits of being the oldest patient in a pediatric ward.

i'm not up to much else today besides studying and no good.

that's all folks!
(erin: yes, that was for you.)

let the exams begin!

i exempted first period, so i went out to breakfast with amber, christy, and kelly. it was very cold and blueberry.

after school, i did some mandatory last-minute shopping before alicia and i met up at my house and went out to paint ceramics.

i sent in my uf acceptance money (the first payment of many) or whatever it's officially called. i realize, also, that i need to find a new e-mail address, as the one i have is no longer free for offline users.

gay.

so tonight i'm looking forward to an amc movie, whatever happens to be on. electric blanket will cuddle with me, since no one else will.

tomorrow: sleep and studying.

that's that.

bunko!

last night i went over to christy's after work. it was nice doing something with just the girls. hopefully we'll have another sleepover sometime over break.

this week's schedule:

• monday: last real day of school.
• tuesday: no first period exam. dinky 30-minute classes until 2:45.
• wednesday: no exams. passport picture around 10:30 am, then who really cares?
• thursday: fourth period exam, then who really cares? studying for friday somewhere in there.
• friday: sixth and seventh period exams. probably out afterwards to celebrate the end of the semester. then work from 5 pm to about 10 pm. maybe out again, maybe not.
• saturday: work from 8 am to 5 pm. saturated with anticipation.

i used bullets for the first time in here. i feel free.

double spaced. no more "enter, enter." pampering of the pinky.

that was almost haiku-esque.

time to pet my kitties.

the heavens parted. a beam of light shone down through the disappearing clouds as the angels sang:

"Congratulations! Your application to the University of Florida for the 2005 FALL term has been approved. You will receive official notification and additional materials in the mail. We look forward to seeing you on campus in the very near future!"

oh, and "haaaaalleluja! haaaalleluja! halleluja! halleluja! hallEEluja!"

babbitt!

"laughing at ourselves, thinking life's not fair..."

i know i've been saying that i can't wait to get out of here, but the truth is that there are a few things i will really miss.

there won't be any sunday drives to clear my head for the start of the new week. there won't be any mommies or daddies to kiss goodnight, and there won't be any old flames you can run into or hear about when your friends run into them.

there won't be kitties on your bed and there won't be neighbors cutting your lawn. there won't be your best friend living right around the corner, and there won't be a whole house to come home to every day.

there won't be seven class periods and the time in between them. club days will be no more, and ap classes become college classes.

there won't be any vitamin c singing your anthem tonight when you stop to think about just how long this chapter is that you're concluding.

even though it's only the end of the first semester, the second will pass just as quickly.

here's to the class of 2005. make the best of everything.

he knows not where he's going to.

what a restful weekend.

not.

by the end of the day, i will have completed an absolutely massive amount of work. why?, you ask. because the end of the semester is upon us, and every single teacher thought it would be cute to assign a project, an exam review, an essay, or an experiment (or some variation or combination of the mentioned headaches).

wow, gaither staff. you are SO funny.

in all honesty, i'm already done with most of it. what's getting me is the friday deadline for experimentation on my engineering project, mainly because i may have to secretly tweak the date and make it december twentieth instead of the tenth.

break is officially over. back to work.

beep, beep! beep, beep! yeah!

december everywhere

the semester is practically over, though it seems like it was july only a week ago.

but i'm certainly not too nostalgic, as this summer is going to be, hands-down, the best summer ever.

1. where ever.
still haven't decided quite where to go for my all-expenses-paid trip, but who cares? i'm going there, right?

2. myrtle beach.
of course, there are details that have to be worked out and i'm the newbie, but who cares? it's still freaking myrtle the turtle beach.

3. road trip (?).
questionable. probably won't happen, come to think of it, but i'd still like to think that it will.

4. steinmart who?
since i'm going to be doing a lot of traveling and haning out with friends one last time before we have our final hurrah and shove off to the four corners of florida, i won't have much time to spend working at stein-stein. perhaps i just may quit instead of asking for one week off every other week.

5. that's it.

so trip, trip, probably-won't-happen trip, and no more job. that's my idea of a fanFREAKINGtastic summer, alright.

yo-yo's roomies

i can't say that i remember much of what happened today. it's not like i wasn't there, but i honestly don't remember. just "make a wish" bear in psych and dream's special pillow.

man, am i tired.

the project of absolute crap is working somewhat. the data cannot be interpreted, as it is not accurate to what it SHOULD be, but hey - i have numbers, so who really cares how right they are?

not me, and i certainly won't give it two thoughts ten days from now when something hopefully very beautiful arrives in the mailbox declaring how i will or will not spend the next four years of my life.

oh well. if i don't get in, i'll go do something stupid instead of go to college, like become a "missionary" or join the "coast guard," traveling the "world."

i don't think it would be that bad. i mean, i could just not go to college, disappoint my parents, and hold a series of odd yet incredibly gratifying jobs that reward me with pretty little paychecks for the rest of my life. not that i want to be a terri or anything, but i wouldn't mind not trudging through an absolute minimum of four more years of education.

how can uf refuse an offer like that?

i need to get out of here. too many smells.

pictures are fun for everyone.

it's going to be one of those homework sundays.

i got a digital camera yesterday. that was fun. i'm still learning how to use it, but it's pretty self-explanitory so far.

um. go uf. dragonball z for life.

[title]

the sculptor


i want to be a model.
i want to show the strength of my maker.
mold me in your hands
and do what you feel you need to do -
what you want to do,
even -
to make me perfect
every time you look at me.
dream
and make me what you dream;
love
and make me what you love.
you keep your hands
so full of blood and breath
and soon
clay becomes woman
who exists solely for you.

you make your art -
life flowing from your fingers
like waterfalls;
your masterpiece is me.

third time's the charm.

after two dramatized attempts, i find myself on my third draft.

plain and simple, things are pretty messed up, but there isn't exactly much i can do to help fix them and make things better. people will do what they want to do, and impulse is at the heart of many mistakes.

i've come to realize that people fuck up a lot, even the ones who teach you how not to fuck up. some people feel resentment, some never do. i'm sure that many things factor into each circumstance, but sometimes it's flat-out wrong to feel completely normal.

i know i'm being judgemental and i also know that i'm not one to judge where guilt is concerned, but it seems to me that a lot of people deserve better.

ckocko mario kart

i have received a letter from my aunt sue entitling me to a trip to pretty much anywhere. i think i'm going to shoot for atlantis.

i didn't do anything of much interest this weekend, so this is the part where i make things up:

friday after work i went to see i heart huckabees with a certain tortuga. we then came back to my house where he played my guitar for a little while and then left around one. how charming.

today i spent the morning shopping, but spending the money of others. i worked all afternoon, and i'm going out to a concert later tonight. it's probably going to be a local band or something. i mean, i can only guess because it's a surprise christmas present. ooh la la.

so now that i'm done lying, i'll go.

tootsi.

certified twenty. yeah.

how bad do you want a song to be written for you and played in front of a grandoise audience?

me too.

so, what have we learned today? mr. psychologist is afraid for sweeney ("there's moses in my eye!") and vocational rehabilitation is not a desirable career for anyone ever.

schwing.

i can't wait for the holidays. i'm pretty much done with christmas shopping. now it's time to download music from the nutcracker and enjoy for the next month and a half.

dear november,

be cold.

love,
maggie.

chicago corner

crazy night that began with soccer and ended in scarf hilarity.

tomorrow morning i'm picking out a digital camera for christmas, and then running around tampa doing my science project. bill currie ford is probably my new best friend.

"i was spinning into a dark hole
when javatropolis saved my soul."

candy love

do you guys identify with that beat?

i love this song.

gonna get back to basics.
guess i'll start it up again.
i'm falling from the ceiling;
you're falling from the sky now and then.
maybe you were shot down in pieces;
maybe i slipped in between.
but we were gonna be the wildest people they ever hoped to see -
just you and me.
so why'd you come home to this sleepless town?
it's a lifetime commitment
recovering the satellites.
all anybody really wants to know is
when you gonna come down.
your mother recognizes all your desperate displays
and she watches as her babies drift violently away
'til they see themselves in telescopes.
do you see yourself in me?
we're such crazy babies, little monkey;
we're so fucked up, you and me.
so why'd you come home to this faithless town,
where we make a lifetime commitment
to recovering the satellites?
and all anybody really wants to know is
when are you gonna come down.
she sees shooting stars and comet tails.
she's got heaven in her eyes.
she says i don't need to be an angel,
but i'm nothing if i'm not this high.
but we only stay in orbit
for a moment of time,
and then you're everybody's satellite;
i wish that you were mine.
so why'd you come home to this angel's town?
it's a lifetime decision
recovering the satellites.
everybody really knows for sure
that you're gonna come down,
that you're gonna come down.

'bama it all to hell.

"and ill hang around as long as you will let me,
and i never minded standin' in the rain.
you dont have to call me darlin', darlin';
you never even call me by name."

i miss lawa.

selling the drama

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, and here i am - stuck in the middle with ALL.

it's been this way for quite a while. i guess i figured things would settle down after school started and i got into a routine again, but it just isn't happening.

dating aside, there are still many things that that repetitive, repetitive song can apply to. a few friends - actually, just one - have become so distant lately that i don't think i can even begin to patch things up without sounding like a complete fag, but i'm beyond the point of caring enough to not care about sounding gay. i am absolutely ecstatic about college, but it hurts to know that this is the last time i'm going to be a kid. i can't wait to get out of here, but i feel like i won't be able to look back and enjoy the nostalgia.

there are so many other things i could talk about, but i don't want to get into much more detail on the specifics. i've just been pretty spacey lately, i guess. not that it's unusual for me, but some things pass me by and i just don't care anymore.

i guess that's why i'm stuck in the middle with you.

finally

after a few days of completely not working, blogger has once again decided to be functional.

yet still not a differentiable function, as in the kind on the calculus test tomorrow which i have driven myself crazy over for the past three hours.

i LOVE snooow. i LOVE snooow. la, da, da. i love it sooooooooooooooo!

telephone insuranceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

and then along came zeus.

erin, on a tangent when discussing team america:

"team shitty! team we suck! team we like it in the butt! team george w! team we really hate poor people! team bomb other countries! TEAM OVERCOMPENSATING! team get out of this country faggots! what team are you describing? why, TEAM WE'RE BETTER THAN YOU. TEAM JINGO."

(help!)

it's a chicken.

i am currently pursuing a michael jackson megadownload. it's thriller night tonight, indeed, as we say farewell to the final pages of hemmigway's arms.

also, it seems as though "bryn alan" is actually code for "a bunch of thieves." dirty, rotten, "hey - i'll take your picture at homecoming" ladrones. i say we go muhammad jihad on their studio, dirkdirkistan style.

with such confusion, don't it make you want to scream? it's all about the way you make me feel, billie jean, and i'm bad, so beat it or i'll rock with you because you rock my world.

getting back into updating regularly is a messy process. it's not always just black or white.

under pressure

oh, queen with david bowie. i love your duet, even though i do not relate to it.

yes, i did feel the need to write something.

blue and red and black and gray

as october winds down, i find myself wondering how much more waiting i'm going to do before i finally make my million moves. i have pages and chapters and volumes full of intentions, and i never seem to know how to time things just so so that everything is said and everything is done as i planned them to be said and done.

so here i am, "standing on the precipice of big time," thinking of all the things i could do to make myself someone else, and the only thing that keeps coming to mind is the ludacris notion to change what has already been done.

i'm a lunatic and i know it, but at least i can admit it.

and if you want to know what got me thinking on this track, it was initially finding out alicia was accepted at ucf, but then i thought of something else when my mom set a cd from ncyc 2003 in front of me.

it's still in the wrapper, and i doubt i'll open it.

attention fordsters of the tampa/lutz area:

if you or anyone you know (and i do quite literally mean anyone) drives a ford mustang made in any year from 1980 to 2000, please let me know. if you leave a comment in the affirmative, i will get in touch with you so you do not have to publish personal contact information.

take me, wilmer.

this week so far has been easy, and tomorrow we have career predicting for the first four periods. i'm trying out for plumber.

i'm completely out of things to say.

kitamara

i spent the weekend at my sister's house. in fact, i'm there right now. we went out friday night and ate blindfold pizza and then went to a volleyball game. yesterday, we went to the uf versus middle tennessee game. once again, i am burnt on the left half of my face and on my left arm. last night was fun, too. i mean, aqua teen hunger force? get with it, meatwads.

and a good weekened was had by all.

balogna shoes

i can't wait for the weekened. football and probably a sunburn and moe's knows a joey bag of doughnuts and probably art vanderbilt, too.

point is, i'm still recuperating from saturday, and by saturday i mean sunday.

and by sunday i mean sleepy.

if you have any extra flashlights, could i borrow them and never return them please?

time to be in fourth period.

all my life

"i prayed for someone like you,
and i hope that you feel the same way, too."

what an amazing night.

piano man

i'm bursting with excitement.

if i was a balloon, i would pop.

if i was a tank, i would be spewing gas.

if i was an engine, i could.

just to give you an idea.

i really like my hair this year, too. i usually wind up not liking it, but i'm nearly in love with it.

oh, vanity of vanities.

time to load up on caffiene and pack my things for tonight. i can't wait to see everyone in their formal attire.

it's... devine.

whipperwools

what a day.

and now that THE homecoming weekend is officially upon us, i have much to do and little time to do it in.

senior mayhem.

i think that's why i love homecoming saturday so much - you do a bunch of prepatory junk all morning and afternoon, and it really hypes you up to be so busy all day getting ready for this big event.

kind of like christmas, except your only present is being pretty, which, i must say, makes it a close second to the aforementioned holiday.

so, guess what?

I CAN'T WAIT.

other notes:

happy birthday, erin! i love you!

if your sociology teacher says the words "the," "dying," and "rooms" in that order, plug your ears. if your sociology teacher turns on a television set after saying those three words in that order, leave.

the ingredients in potted meat are actually grosser than the title implies.

jack handy for president.

so guess what's cool?

night pep rallies.

and new clothes today.

and hair pictures after school.

and not this class right now.

and definately going to a game next weekend.

and certainly me and booger dressing up in black on hawaiian day.

and chariots that have spontaneously caught on fire.

and not green marker on my thumb.

and if you're really nice ...

maybe we'll put on our classics and have a little dance, shall we?

i can't wait.

COME TO ME, SATURDAY.

revenge of the nerds.

mr. n.: "are you making fun of the way i dress?"
jason: "not directly."

and now to the much debated "should girls ask guys out?" topic.

personally, i think it's alright for that to happen. would i do it? sure. it may not always go over too smoothly, but that's just what a guy would have to face in a similar situation. it's kind of mean that we have this norm where guys initiate dates. i mean, really - that sucks, because who doesn't like being asked out?

then again, we carry around babies for nine months and pop them out of us, so it's actually pretty fair.

problem solved?

good.

by the way, it's fourth period and i have absolutely NOTHING to do.

i have to work tonight. maybe we'll play dress-up again.

bananas.

hanging on maybe

i haven't been writing anything lately because i have absolutely nothing to say, to be quite honest, but i'll try to jazz it up just this once.

homecoming is on saturday. rose, nails, hair, makeup, jim, christy's, dance, kelly's - in that order.

next weekend i'm going to gainesville to visit my sister. phone conversation with boss:
"hey, terri. it's maggie. i know i asked for this weekend off, but i was wondering if i could have the following weekened as well. ...what's that? this course of action would result in the termination of my employment? that's a darn shame. ...no, i would still like the following weekend off. goodbye."

except that didn't happen at all.

ben kweller is the feature flavor of the month.

and being single just ran out of perks.

feeling sporty?

spirit week is upon us, and homecoming is less than a week away.

who's excited? this girl right here.

just thought i'd restate the obvious.

i hold with my original statement:

sometimes a year just isn't short enough.

jesus raul

get me off this crazy thing called love.

well, that was interesting.

fortunately, sweeney saved me last night by letting me sleep over at her house, where i caught the wimblies.

"what's up?"
"chillaxin'."
"do you need a laxative?"

props to april for her drive-by hugging.

oh, mrs. doubtfire.

i would end this properly, but - you know.

everybody wants to pass as cats.

i heard "here's to the night" yesterday.

it's almost october. i know we haven't even finished one quarter yet, but this is it - this is really it.

you sat there in second grade thinking you would die before you graduated; you never imagined yourself sitting in a chair in late september of your senior year thinking of the past you and where you were as opposed to where you are.

it's going to be over soon i know, and the next four years will become yesterdays in no time at all. it's odd to think how quickly time goes by just as you're wanting it to slow down.

even still, i absolutely can't wait.

i guess i'm just a hurricane.

i broke a witch.

that was definately the funniest moment of the day.

you know how unfuny it is when a customer loses a one hundred and forty dollar bracelet?

very.

amber and i are going out in a little while. tomorrow night i will hopefully get to see my mentor and mind reader.

other than that, that's pretty much it. have a BEAUTIFUL night.

i don't like being misunderstood.

and to be honest, i think that's all i've been lately.

so i'm going to quit.

sure - i'll still say things as indirectly as ever, but i'm coming to realize that you can't be understood without another wanting to understand.

when i laugh, it's not out of cruelty; it's just what i felt like doing, so i did it.
when i cry, it's not because i'm sad; stress and empathy make me do that sometimes.

so with you over there and me not so much farther away than the thickness of a grain of sand, i'll let you know how it's going to be.

some people laugh at dreamers, but we're not that at all.

if the past years were dreaming, then sleep is all i want.

standing on the precipice of big time

"perfect love drives out all fear."

thank you, john. i'll try to keep that in mind.

as for now, i'm relishing in all the options and having no clue what lovely door to step inside. the only thing that i fear is being alone, or lacking love.

funny how that works, isn't it?

so what is "perfect love," and what is "fear?"

only a handful of times have i experienced perfect love, and it's not what you think it is, either. i'm not talking about the boyfriend kind of love or the parent kind of love or the best friend kind of love or the really-big-crush kind of love; i'm talking about something inside of you you only experience when you need it the most to keep you going, to keep you strong, to keep you alive and well and happy and hoping.

fear? that's something we all experience, and i have no other interpretation of it for you than the one you provide yourself with.

sometimes it seems that there are so many things in life to fear that there can be no perfect love, no hope for humanity in times of suffering or stress or complete lack of direction.

and then, right when you expect it the least in the most unlikely situation you can think of to date, it happens. it washes over you and you would like to say you didn't know it was coming when it started, but you did. it comes out of your heart and swims through your body, touching every part that had been asleep for lack of motivation or out of fear of being brought to consciousness. it all awakens so suddenly and there you are, standing in a sunset or under the moon. one minute you're who you've been; the next, you're who you haven't been for a long time.

i guess that's my favorite thing to experience - this perfect love we so often seek and so rarely find.

if you don't know what i'm talking about, i suggest you find out, but i find it difficult to believe that anyone could have gotten this far without ever having felt it.

we count only blue cars.

it's been a good morning.

and also, rachel is eighteen today.

my stomach is still being kind of gay, but that's alright.

back to rachel, i'm going to have some more fantastic plans tonight. boy i cannot wait bt i still love you townhouse oh boy fun times mel c jen i love you guys you are such a great sister jess oh my gosh ryan is a fag.

i can't wait for homecoming. i really can't. it's going to be so much fun.

it is, it is.

i'm going to go pretty-up for workio. have a great afternoon, you.

and suddenly, an orange.

i'm a bit more myself now that i've talked it all out and let things settle.

in fact, i'm feeling pretty damn good at the moment.

"hi. my name is llaves or raul or something, and i did something incredibly productive tonight. TWICE."

so now that no one knows what i'm talking about, i'll fill you in:

JUST KIDDING!

everybody knows it sucks to grow up.

sunday, sunday, sunday - what a day.

i really can't update because i really don't have anything appropriate to say. while that may not have stopped me before, it's stopping me now.

i know i say things and then i don't do them, but i might not update for a while. i'm just not in the "hey. let's be us." kind of mood right now.

so, without further adieu, i leave you with a word from the man who wrote my anthem without my knowing it:

"the years go on and we're still fighting it."

chicken chunnks. ...not!

with boarded windows, it is impossible to tell what time of day it is.

i feel like a bobo.

shit, fuck, dammit.

thank you, beta, for the inspiration.

i noticed a lot of coincidences today. not that any of them were particularly significant, but i just noticed a lot of them.

good gosh. i'm tired.

goodnight.

rex manning and company

today, loves, i post my three-hundredth entry.

what makes it even more beautiful is that exactly one year ago tomorrow i started this edition of maggie, unscripted.

that would mean that i posted precisely three hundred entries in one year.

well, i found it interesting, anyways.

point is, there are a lot of birthdays in september, and i'm going out tonight, so i hope you have a great eternal weekend, as weather does not seem to be in florida's favor anymore.

brand, on predicting whether school will be in session on monday: "it all depends on this idiot* that's headed our direction."

*hurricane ivan

bazooka 'zooka bubble gum

tomorrow is a day that shall live in famy, but i cannot reveal my beautiful surprise until then.

oh, and what a lame surprise it is.

anyways, i broke my third computer today in engineering. erv supposedly fixed it, but when i left fourth period it would not restart but only say that i had indeed f-ed up. something about a drive not fitting, which is complete crap.

i. hate. matlab.

today was alright other than that. tomorrow is friday, which made this a very easy week, and i have found a new hobby (for the time being). like everything else, i'll get sick of it if you'd just give me time to realize my crime.

i'm sorry. i really am. i won't do it again, karma chameleon, even though you come and go.

i mean, loving would be easy if your colors were like the wind: red, gold, and green.

red, gold, and green.

caterpillars that do the worm

i missed school. five days of weekend is five days too many.

i wrote both of my essays yesterday for my application and have set them aside for the rest of the week, hoping that with time they will become ripe and insightful.

what a load.

i have taken a liking to painting. it is my new boyfriend for the time being.

before i go, i have to ask you a question. you are required to answer it honestly:

do you really want to hurt me?

puddles and pinball

"it's lonely here in outer space.
the nearest stars are miles away,
but i believe i'm on to something big."

i guess i'm in between. everything is now "this time two years ago," and it's just lonesome and very losery to be saying things like that.

i love that i have no commitments to anyone, no devotions to anyone, no promises i must keep, no questions i must answer. i love feeling what i want to feel, wearing what i want to wear, being who i want to be and changing for no one unless i want to. i love trying out new things and not having to always worry about the consequences.

but i don't love not having someone i can call my own, someone to be there for me when i don't even realize i need them them most, someone to kiss me on the forehead when i cry and hold my hand to make it go away.

"... but people don't just sit around all day waiting for things to end - you have to relish it while it's there; otherwise, you're missing the whole point."

i guess that should be something to live by.

sorry i don't make any sense. it's just that it's really hard sometimes when love is dangled right in front of your face and you can't catch it to save you.

proportionally

only the second half of my street had the power go out.

all day.

everyone else was apparently fine.

but it wasn't that bad. i called dreamboat and we had some laughs, and later i went over to jim's house.

if you're wondering how we're faring over on the w. c. d. and you don't live in-state, it's probably just like how it is at your house, except there are pieces of tree everywhere, the pool is literally overflowing, and it hasn't stopped raining in over twenty-four hours.

other than that, we really didn't get it too bad - i just feel bad for those who did.

just to give the non-locals an idea:

the rain is sometimes falling horizontally, which makes it not really falling but flying. the winds kick up at least once every minute such that all the shubbery and plants growing alongside a wall or window plaster themselves upon the house. there aren't really any clouds, but rather one large gray mass where the sky used to be. nothing drastic has happened here (yet), so hopefully nothing will. the power is still on, but i haven't seen one car go by all morning.

the neighbors moved back to pakistan.

shallow days

adam duritz, you can sum up my life in a few lines.

hey mr. freedom -
what are we supposed to think?

homework assignment:

after viewing suspect zero , rent empire records .

the first person to tell me what made me and alicia nearly piss our pants tonight wins the gold.

oh, and twenty dollars or something.

minus the twenty dollars and the gold; i'll just give you something.

x 2

well, well, well. it looks as though we have another hurricane on our hands.

while this is a dangerous perdicament in which we find ourselves, it is also a no-school perdicament.

natural disasters, i knew you were good for something.

spider king

i never realized just how funny the wide world of ebaum truly is until last night.

tonight is question marks still, so we'll see.

it was a much better day today than yesterday. the sudden death calculus test wound up not having horrendous results, and i mustered up the courage to put in twenty cents worth in english. i did the engineering lab correctly, and i missed my usual two on the history quiz ("did you study? did you study? huh? did you study?").

henery the eighth i am, i am.

everyone who didn't donate blood raise your hand.

i guess it's just me and the underclassmen.

needles. i mean, it doesn't even sound slightly pleasurable. no satisfaction guaranteed.
"i donated blood, but now i have a HUGE GAPING HOLE IN MY VEIN. how are you?"
"i'm intact, thank you."

that's my day.