Sep 7, 2004

puddles and pinball

"it's lonely here in outer space.
the nearest stars are miles away,
but i believe i'm on to something big."

i guess i'm in between. everything is now "this time two years ago," and it's just lonesome and very losery to be saying things like that.

i love that i have no commitments to anyone, no devotions to anyone, no promises i must keep, no questions i must answer. i love feeling what i want to feel, wearing what i want to wear, being who i want to be and changing for no one unless i want to. i love trying out new things and not having to always worry about the consequences.

but i don't love not having someone i can call my own, someone to be there for me when i don't even realize i need them them most, someone to kiss me on the forehead when i cry and hold my hand to make it go away.

"... but people don't just sit around all day waiting for things to end - you have to relish it while it's there; otherwise, you're missing the whole point."

i guess that should be something to live by.

sorry i don't make any sense. it's just that it's really hard sometimes when love is dangled right in front of your face and you can't catch it to save you.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I understand your desire to be in a relationship, for as humans we all long for a sense of belonging. However, I don't think you should dwell on something you cannot change. The relationships can be wonderful experiences even if it doesn't last. Look at it this way - do you wish you were still in the classes you took as a freshman? Probably not, but are you grateful for what you learned there? Relationships, both dating and just friendship, can be similar. You don't have to stay in them to learn a lot from them.

Look at the bright side; look how much God has given to you. Don't lose track of yourself. Your character, your relationship with God, your friendliness and service to other people - these are the factors that will decide whether you come out of this stage feeling frustrated and unhappy or satisfied and at peace. God willing, the right guy will come along in due time. The more difficult question is: What kind of person will you have become by then?

-Boat

Anonymous said...

I've never had a real relationship, but I still know what you're talking about. And what you said makes lots of sense.