i'm listening to all the music i loved sophomore year.
 
songs are one of two things that make me remember all sorts of stuff i forget, the other being my silly little sense of smell.
 
for example, i happed upon "i want to hear you sad" by early november.
 
woah. did THAT one throw me for a duzy.
 
that song makes me think about sunshine and teardrops and lonliness.
 
then i listened to "movies" by alien ant farm, a song i don't think i'll ever be able to sit through without crying.
 
well, or at least think about crying.
 
what i get out of that song is that hey - it sucks breaking up, and it's not going to be a happy ending even when you think you want it the most.
 
yeah. that's depressing enough for me.
 
"head over feet" by alanis morissette reminds me of one particular scene. every time i hear that song, i think of fourth grade. i was sitting on my bed with the radio on and had just realized that i left my role mole at church. that was a sad hour to pass.
 
"push" by matchbox twenty is another fourth grade song. i was daydreaming in the middle of the afternoon and the sun was shining in through my window very strong, but i was either too stupid or too lazy to move. the next time i heard it was a few years later. my mom and i were driving home from somewhere. i think i was wearing the green old navy shirt i wore for years and got rid of last summer. we were on bearss when it began to play.
 
what else?
 
"crash" by dave matthews band. that one takes me back to the day - the first day of fifth grade, that is. i was getting ready for school and was rightly excited. i was standing in front of the mirror in my purple polo and bluejeans when it came on. i put on my blue and silver flower necklace right when he said, "crash into me, baby."
 
something upsetting i have to admit is that there is one song that always makes me unbearably, suicidally depressed. it's not so much embarrassing that i get that way as it is the song that does it to me: "mama" by the spice girls. just why, i can't explain, but it was always greatly upsetting to me. the fact that it's a spice girls song just makes it all the more worse. perhaps that's why it's depressing to listen to. 
  
"billy jean" makes me think of dancing in my biology class freshman year. that never happened, but i often thought of how cool it would be to walk into class one day wearing a black pantsuit and black hat and start "breaking it down," if you will, for mrs. yerves and her sixth period posse.
 
actually, any michael jackson song makes me want to pull that shit.
 
i mean, "made."
 
any crystal method ditty reminds me of last fall and steak and shake, mainly because i went into a techno frenzy right around homecoming. it therefore leads me to think of candles, giggling, and the being a total fag.
 
"brown-eyed girl" reminds me of my blue-eyed cousin's wedding.
 
all apples in stereo songs make me think of presque isle and being a hippy for the summer.
 
"sweetness" by jimmy eat world makes me think of alex and the most odd way to date someone. i distinctly remember listening to it on my green cd player around midnight in the front room of my grandmother's house in july in pennsylvania.
 
"drops of jupiter" = sharp turn onto the veterans expressway after my sister's high school graduation dinner at some foo-foo seafood place near the beach + purple lights and dana sleeping over at my house the summer before freshman year.
 
i'm typed out.
 
aren't you lucky?