sha la la la la la la la la la la ti da.
la ti da.

friends, today is a new day. i said what i had to say and did what i had to do; i begged where there was no mercy and i pleaded with stone walls. i got some things thrown in my face for it (both figuratively and literally), and i doubt that any of it will clear up any time soon, but would you guess it? i dont really care. i was honest, and i dont think a price can be placed on the hard things you have to do in life.

i took one of the longest routes home today after school. i had the windows down and my hair up. the sun shone in distinguishable streaks upon the cracked roads like it really wanted to be a comfort, and the wind blew in upon me like it really wanted to be december.

i spent a lot of time today thinking about how life was before i started to grow up; that is, before it really began.

i was living in an illusion for the first fifteen years of my life, and i cant say that everything has been revealed to me even yet, because there is still so much i dont know. the only difference between today and december first of last year is that in 2002, i thought i had found forever in someone who couldnt hold on to virtue even if it superglued itself to the palms of his hands.

really, it was all stupidity on my part, mixed with a heavy dosage of infatuation and a few heaping tablespoons of the need to live in harmony with what i thought should have been.

his part? couldnt say why he stuck with it for so long.

so to clarify:
1. robert (the forbidden one) and i will never happen again. it was an "us" that is now a "once."
2. i refuse to date or think about dating anyone. in my strange, hateful mind, boys are the poison of the earth.
3. friends are the only ones who can hear you through and say what you want them to say, even though most of the time it might not be true, untying your shoes while telling you sweet little lies to make you feel better.
4. God can also help. in fact, He probably helps more than friends, but i think anyone who has been in touch with Him would expect that.
5. i. despise. mark. twain.

this should explain any and all of my mood swings. for everything else that the aforementioned statements do not account for, i shall allow the blame to fall on my gender for its reputation of complexity and impracticality.

and though you didnt want to know, i told you.

isnt life peachy?

for all those who i have been bitchy to: sorry. i didnt mean to. unless your name is dianne. then i did mean to be a bitch.

i will keep you updated on the positives once again. the rest i have decided not so much to put behind me, but to keep afloat on the surface so that i can avoid stupid mistakes.

well, not all stupid mistakes. im entitled to a eyeful, and ive still got some good ones left to go.