Update?

Yes - I think I will.

About everything... Life's been pretty interesting lately. As always, I'm not one to get into detail on some silly and very public blog which I don't really believe anyone reads, but I will say this: you never know until you're there. Sometimes it's so perfect that it hurts, and sometimes it hurts to know it's not perfect.

Have I left enough unexplained? My work here is done.

Yes - I updated.

Sometimes you can see the world so clearly. When you take a moment to slow down, breathe in the beauty around you, and appreciate it without having to make yourself think about it, it’s amazing how far it can take you.

It’s the simple pleasures in life – the things that are so uncomplicated give you the will to work through those that are.

I get so tired sometimes and just don’t care, but on a day like today when everyone went to Subway in a different city and we’re all talking about how it made for a happier afternoon, I can’t help but smile.

Candles

Many times there's much more hiding just below the surface than you think. A reason or an explanation or even just a different point of view - it's there, even when you're certain it isn't.

I love today.

Moms and cops

I loved this weekend, and I'm going to love next weekend. I'll expand upon that when I'm done with this delightful pile of studying.

I was reading over some past entries, and it occured to me just how much has happened since graduation. Not to say that my life was pointless and boring up until that point, but I've done a lot of changing since that day.

It's weird. I always thought I would miss those people more, but the truth is that certain stereotypes follow you everywhere. The names change but the faces stay the same, and in the end not much is different.

But that's not my point. What I'm getting at is that a lot can happen in a summer. One last hurrah before you say goodbye to the ones you always counted on and always will; one last time to laugh and reminisce, because looking back will always hurt a little after it's over.

I'm not implying that things were stagnant and that I am a completely different person from the girl who wrote in this four months ago. Quite the contrary; because I had grown up a lot, I have been able to adjust to these changes with less trauma than otherwise would likely have been evident. I am just noticing how much has happened since May 24th.

I know more is coming, and I know I'm nowhere near the end of new experiences. And you know what? I welcome every second of it.

Dam Would Break

Is it this place that makes me fall from you?
Forget the words that once rang so true?
Did we expect that life was ever fair? My God...
I sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod.
And everything I’ve held too tight inside
Could make a part of me die;
And if my lips could only speak the name,
The dam would break.

What is this ice that gathers round my heart
To stop the flood of warmth before it even starts?
It would make me blind to what I thought would always be
The only constant in the world for me.
And every hour of every day,
I need to fight from pulling away;
And if my mind could only loose the chain,
The dam would break.

For all the things I hid away
And all the words I could not say,
The dam would break.


How can a band named after an amphibious creature sing your song? Just like that.

Even though:

• I feel like crap;
• My face is going to explode;
• I can't speak Spanish;
• Buses are scary;
• I can't find my CDs;
• Alicia is apparently having eye surgery;
• Shania Twain sells perfume;

today is great beacuse:

• Julie is coming Saturday;
• My sister's cat ate her napkins;
• I don't have online homework for Spanish, ,which I can't speak;
• I regulate;
• Laguna Beach is on tonight;
• I have clean laundry;
• Shania Twain's perfume smells like angels oughta smell.

Spanish is a butt-lick language.

Had to slip it in.

So either UF is going to do great this year or... um... LA TECH SUCKS MAJOR ASS. What a joke. Those guys were horrible.

Today is laundry and proyecto day. I can't begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to doing this presentation in a language I barely know.

Better get crackin'.

I feel kind of iffy. I don't know if I should drop it or see what happens. So much going on and yet nothing at all has changed, it seems.

I don't know. I really don't know anything. I guess we'll find out.

Here are some lyrics, because I do that:

"Time is never time at all.
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.
And our lives are forever changed;
We will never be the same.
The more you change the less you feel."

Unraveled

Is how I feel. I have written so many compositions on shitty days like this. Unfortunately, I grabbed the wrong notebook when packing my bags to move to college and the aforementioned poetry and blurbs are exactly where I left them, rotting into the carpet under my bed like they've been rotting on my conscious.

When I can actually write, I will. For the time being, I don't have any hint of creativity. I hate today so fucking much right now.

But go Gators.

I hereby declare:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, weekend!

Relient upon nothing.

And I won't sit back
And take this anymore.
Because I'm done with that;
I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong;
I'm pressing on.

Jump-rope cable

I like today. Rainy, but not very sunny. Makes for a nicer temperature than most days.

Oh, shit. I'm talking about the weather. Slap me. Slap me now.

Tomorrow we're getting our tickets for Saturday's game, and then it's off to class in this incredibly taxing schedule of mine.

...Joke.

I really don't have much else to say. What's new with YOU?

This isn't grammared right.

So it's time to own up and start using capital letters every now and then. You know, like when a letter should be capitalized.

I really don't know what to say here. I would say it if I knew what to think, but I don't know what to think anymore about pretty much anything you can think of to think of. I wish things like this wouldn't happen to me, but the only thing I can think of (and have a certain opinion on) is that there is a great Fate Magnet of Destruction floating around in the Great Unknown and it has somehow channeled all of its energy toward me.

Good God. Why does this always happen?

No, I will NOT clarify, either, because this is mine and I don't wanna. So neah.

what a pretty day.

things are going pretty well in g-vizzle. i can't say that i miss high school now that i've gotten a taste of being a college student. not to say that i don't miss certain people or daily occurences, but it's nice making your own schedule and deciding NOT to follow it if indeed that suits your little fancy.

anyways, it's a really nice saturday. and about time we got some rilo kiley up in this joint!:

there are no bad words for the coast today.
when we hold our breath until nothing's left
it all starts to fade.

we can see the stars
from where the birds make their homes
staring back at us.
indifferent
but distanced perfectly,
projected endlessly;
it's so f--king beautiful.

!!!

i can't express to you how much i love college.

yes; that's all i'm going to say.

build me up, buttercup.

so, the rushing part of rush was hilarious. it was just as i had imagined. i didn't see anyone trip, though; that was the only thing that didn't match up.

somone is cooking down the hall and it smells heavenly.

i'm really excited for tomorrow. classes begin and i'll get to meet a whole bunch of new faces. it's going to be great! balogna shoes and all.

i rearranged my half of the room a bit. i like it better now. less wiring to be seen. probably a tremendous fire hazzard, but it looks like broward is the unlucky building of choice this year so i think i'm in the clear. also got the blue rope lights put up - the ones g-bizzle gave me for my birthday. may have to buy some more the next time one of us goes to target (me or jess, that is) to make the whole room bright and gay.

i think that's got to be one of the worst names to have in this day and age - gay.

met some more cool people last night, and hopefully will do it again later on. but this time not at the sooooooooda pop shop.

that's all for now. don't cry for me, argentina.

quickie:

yesterday was dayful. there's much more to be said on that, but i think this whole college thing is going to work out juuuuust fine.

i'm ready for classes - i've got all my books AND my thinking cap. i only need to figure out where they actually are. that may be beneficial.

i don't have much else for now. mother dearest is calling.

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 118162 times on Bzoink
What is your name?	maggie
Are you named after anyone?	saint margaret mary (s. euclid, ohio)
What's your screename?	funmaggs
Would you name a child of yours after you?	no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	according to my parents, matthew. if i was choosing, ben.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	dream
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	cennedy. no, i'm not joking.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	it's what MAKES me famous.
Basics
Your gender:	girly
Straight/Gay/Bi:	straight
Single?	perpetually
If not, do you want to be?	the answer is longer than one word, so i'll spare you.
Birthdate:	5.12.87
Your age:	18
Age you act:	25
Age you wish you were:	14
Your height:	5'8
Eye color:	blue
Happy with it?	wish they were brighter
Hair color:	light brown/dark blonde
Happy with it?	it looks right on me, but will probably dye it soon.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty
Your living arrangement:	JENNINGS
Your family:	is dysfunctional
Have any pets?	two cats
Whats your job?	nothing at the moment
Piercings?	5
Tattoos?	none yet
Obsessions?	millions
Addictions?	one
Do you speak another language?	i'd say yes.
Have a favorite quote?	"the greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved."
Do you have a webpage?	you're looking at it.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	i'd like to.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	depends on your definition of "others"
Do you have any secrets?	several
Do you hate yourself?	no
Do you like your handwriting?	yes
Do you have any bad habits?	yes
What is the compliment you get from most people?	that i have nice eyes or straight teeth.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	the diary of a mad black woman
What's your biggest fear?	confrontation
Can you sing?	no, but i do it anyways
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	too often
Are you a loner?	yes
What are your #1 priorities in life?	good question. we'll see.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	yeah. because i'd be just like me.
Are you a daredevil?	depends on the exact situation.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	addictive personality and apathy
Are you passive or agressive?	passively aggressive
Do you have a journal?	several
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	a strength: doing impressions. a weakness: hypocrisy.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	care less about destructive criticism received.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	yeah.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	i regret the chances i was too timid to take. i also regret never calling jen when she was pregnant. i regret finding facebook; it consumes my heart and soul.
Do you think life has been good so far?	yes.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	don't make an idiot out of yourself for someone who won't come around, friend or otherwise.
What do you like the most about your body?	hands
And least?	calves
Do you think you are good looking?	when i make an effort to do so.
Are you confident?	i'm not afraid to act how i feel.
What is the fictional character you are most like?	francie nolan from a tree grows in brooklyn
Are you perceived wrongly?	i'm sure someone gets a wrong impression.
Do You...
Smoke?	no
Do drugs?	no
Read the newspaper?	no
Pray?	yes
Go to church?	to be determined
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yes
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no. they sleep in the chair, silly.
Take walks in the rain?	no, but i would.
Talk to people even though you hate them?	only when forced.
Drive?	yes.
Like to drive fast?	yes.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	no.
Hurt yourself?	yes.
Been out of the country?	yes.
Eaten something that made other people sick?	yes.
Been in love?	yes.
Done drugs?	no.
Gone skinny dipping?	no.
Had a medical emergency?	no.
Had surgery?	oral.
Ran away from home?	no.
Played strip poker?	no.
Gotten beaten up?	no.
Beaten someone up?	not yet.
Been picked on?	yes.
Been on stage?	yes.
Slept outdoors?	yes.
Thought about suicide?	yes. BUT HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER ACT ON IT.
Pulled an all nighter?	no.
If yes, what is your record?	---
Gone one day without food?	yes.
Talked on the phone all night?	yes.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	yes.
Slept all day?	no.
Killed someone?	why, yes.
Made out with a stranger?	yes.
Had sex with a stranger?	no.
Thought you're going crazy?	yes.
Kissed the same sex?	in a non-sexual way.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no.
Been betrayed?	yes.
Had a dream that came true?	yes. figuratively and literally.
Broken the law?	yes.
Met a famous person?	yes.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	hahahah! no.
On purpose?	HAHAHAH! no.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yes.
Stolen anything?	yes.
Been on radio/tv?	yes.
Been in a mosh-pit?	no.
Had a nervous breakdown?	yes.
Bungee jumped?	no.
Had a dream that kept coming back?	yes.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yes.
Miracles?	yes.
Astrology?	i happen to know for a fact that people do actually study the stars.
Magic?	no.
God?	yes.
Satan?	yes.
Santa?	no.
Ghosts?	yes.
Luck?	no.
Love at first sight?	yes.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	yes.
Witches?	no.
Easter bunny?	no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	for some.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	no.
Do you wish on stars?	yes.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	yes.
Do you think God has a gender?	no.
Do you believe in organized religion?	...
Where do you think we go when we die?	up or down. or in between.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yes.
Who is your best friend?	i have several. those that know me best are erin, alicia, jess, and dream.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	ironic, isn't this? tie between erin (she's known me longest and we relate. literally.) and alicia.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	it's not the advice so much as the unconditional surrender of a friend's own well-being to help you gain yours back.
Your favourite inside joke?	talent show.
Thing you're picked on most about?	even steven.
Who's your longest known friend?	carla anderson
Newest?	sammy
Shyest?	kim. ...until you get to know her.
Funniest?	fudge and jim
Sweetest?	dream
Closest?	alicia
Weirdest?	laura
Smartest?	james
Ditziest?	alicia
Friends you miss being close to the most?	amber
Last person you talked to online?	ewin
Who do you talk to most online?	andrew
Who are you on the phone with most?	mom
Who do you trust most?	carri
Who listens to your problems?	whoever i say!
Who do you fight most with?	i try not to.
Who's the nicest?	christy
Who's the most outgoing?	sweeney and paige
Who's the best singer?	dream and amber
Who's on your shit-list?	you
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	yes
Who's your second family?	hussins
Do you always feel understood?	no
Who's the loudest friend?	carla
Do you trust others easily?	if i need to talk, i talk.
Who's house were you last at?	mine
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	...
Do your friends know you?	a few have got my number.
Friend that lives farthest away:	jim
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	never
What do you find romantic?	not having to say what you know you are both thinking.
Turn-on?	physically, a nice chests and strong arms. i like a guy who can hold an intelligent conversation. quick wit is always a plus, too.
Turn-off?	self-depricating humor.
First kiss?	during the ending credits of the majestic.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	awkward if i knew them well.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	yes, but i like meeting new people, too.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	yes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	on occasion
What is best about the opposite sex?	their strength and ability to make up stupid games.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	many don't think with the right head.
What's the last present someone gave you?	earrings from my bosses.
Are you in love?	nah.
Do you consider your significant other hot?	i'm single, suckhole.
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	the ghost of christmas past
You wanted to kill?	i'm not going to lie - george bush.
That you laughed at?	chris.
That laughed at you?	paige probably.
That turned you on?	my baby's daddy
You went shopping with?	chris, andrew, and kim
That broke your heart?	rob
To disappoint you?	jonathan
To ask you out?	matt
To make you cry?	my mom
To brighten up your day?	chas
That you thought about?	well, chas.
You saw a movie with?	oh, boy: maja, andrew, jim, ricky, alise, graham, james, and craig.
You talked to on the phone?	my mom
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	paige
You saw?	paige
You lost?	uncle
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	obviously not.
Will it be with your significant other?	fuck you.
Or some random person?	and the beat goes on...
What are you wearing right now?	a smile.
Body part you're touching right now:	toes to toes
What are you worried about right now?	nothing. just constantly anxious.
What book are you reading?	none, technically.
What's on your mousepad?	toast
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	well, like a natural woman.
Are you bored?	i'm filling this out, aren't i?
Are you tired?	no.
Are you talking to anyone online?	no.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	no.
Are you lonely or content?	content to be alone for now.
Are you listening to music?	no.
Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink

like albert einstein once said...

do you remember thinking, when you were that little, that the time would never come when you'd be ready to move out of the house, away from mommy and daddy and the cute boy you never got the nerve to talk to? do you remember wondering what you'd look like, what you'd believe, what you would and would not have experienced, where you would have traveled, what you would have accomplished?

i used to write myself notes and hide them in my room. i'd come across them a few years down the line. they were always full of girlish dreams i'd forgotten, teacher's i'd come to no longer fear but respect, questions i will always wonder about the future me. i'd always read them, thinking to myself how bored i would be with the answers i so desperately wanted to know at the time. i think we just get used to our lives, and what happens and doesn't happen is not so much of a surprise as it might have been when the situation in question was initially pondered over.

i would love to be able to look at the twelve-year-old me and tell her that i turned out alright, that there's nothing majorly wrong with me, that adolescense will teach me not to cry about friends who aren't there and boys who don't care. i would love to sit down with her, tell her that black coffee isn't all that bad, that her writing may never improve but to never stop regardless, that in her notebooks the voice of a progressively more mature young woman is evident and grows to be more easily recognizeable. i would love to tell her about the things that will happen so she can prepare for them, avoid the things that will hurt her, haunt her, keep her up many nights for fear of making the wrong choice. with life comes regret; don't add extra. stress is inevitable; don't worsen it by dwelling.

there are so many things that go on inside my head sometimes. i always wanted to know about the future, but lately it's been the present that concerns me.

who am i?