Yeah. I copied you.

Your dating personality profile: Outgoing - You can liven up any party. You've got a way with people and have little difficulty charming your dates. Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about. Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things. Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Outgoing 2. Adventurous 3. Big-Hearted 4. Liberal 5. Stylish 6. Athletic 7. Romantic 8. Funny 9. Religious 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Shy 2. Adventurous 3. Athletic 4. Stylish 5. Practical 6. Funny 7. Big-Hearted 8. Conservative 9. Traditional 10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating'>http://www.datingdiversions.com/">Dating Profile Quiz at Dating'>http://www.datingdiversions.com/">Dating Diversions

Short and sweet

Well, one thing I'm thankful for is good friends. They're rare, but they're jewels.

Thank you.

Nudillos

See the stone set in your eyes,
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.
Slight of hand and twist of fate;
On a bed of nails she makes me wait,
And I wait without you.

With or without you,
With or without you...

Through the storm we reach the shore.
You give it all but I want more,
And I'm waiting for you.

With or without you,
With or without you...
I can't live
With or without you.

And you give yourself away,
And you give yourself away.
And you give,
And you give,
And you give yourself away...

My hands are tied, my body bruised;
She's got me with nothing left to win
And nothing else to lose.

And you give yourself away,
And you give yourself away.
And you give,
And you give,
And you give yourself away...

With or without you,
With or without you...
I can't live
With or without you.

This is going to be a great semester.

I know because it's already going fantastically well and it hasn't even started yet. Some things I'm looking forward to are:

1. More interesting classes.
2. Temp job.
3. Camellito!

And some old faves are returning to make the rest of the year amazing:

1. Kick-ass roommate situation.
2. Dance parties up the wazoo.
3. Comfy bed!

I am sad for the loss of:

1. Nip/Tuck.
2. Laguna Beach (No judgement allowed.).
3. The remaining crumbs of my sanity.

I can't wait to:

1. Find an actual job.
2. Find a place to live next year.
3. Reveal the winning jewel on The Flavor of Love

Hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!

Brr much?

Yay for Gainesville. No for cold.

A bit of motivation for your reading pleasure

What if these feet never went anywhere? What if I died before I could say I enjoyed my life to the fullest?

I'm ready for a change. I want to do everything I've been planning on my entire life. I want to get out there and experience it. Enough of procrastinating - I'm going to make things happen from now on.

I'm not a little girl anymore. I have the legal authority to take my life in my own hands and do with it as I please. I hold the lock and the key, and I am going to be someone.

After all, I just skipped through a horde of people. This is the face of determination, and I am going to learn to live life in pink.

The year in review

(This is going to be one of the more openly honest posts, and yet I like to leave something to be desired. Make of it what you will, but mostly I wrote this for me.)

2005 did a lot to me - some of it good, some of it bad. Sure; there are always ups and downs, but it seems like this past year both were pretty extreme. I had my phenomenal moments that changed my status as a person, gaining insight into other ways of thinking and feeling and being and believing. Yet another song is ingrained in my mind as a "his" song, and I've come to find that love is something you can only capture a few times. I have gone back to places I swore I would never revisit, and I have found new methods of easing the pain of just living. I have succeeded in turning my thought patterns completely upside-down; I have changed some who I am to be the person I am convinced the world wants me to be. I have hurt and I have been hurt. I have confided and lost contact with people who still mean a lot to me; I have grown tragically close to people who I cannot confide in. I have fallen in love with things that aren't even things and I have lost motivation for much of what I once seemed to live solely for. Every day it gets easier for me to walk away from what I characterize 2005 as being the year of, and yet I know that certain days it's more than just a haunting. I cannot forget someone who I know can hardly find the time to remember me, but I can sleep easy knowing that the ounce of hope I used to hang on to has completely evaporated into just that - hope. I have dealt with loss in its many faces, and I have forgotten how to write. I have traveled far from home and not wanted to come back; I have been anxious for change and it has found me. Though at times I cannot stand the pain of just sitting and thinking and letting myself feel how I truly feel, I have come to accept that it is a necessary step in the process of becoming a properly functioning human. I like to hide and I like to play cat-and-mouse, but inside I go through a lot more than I let on to even myself. I have moved on from the only boy I've ever been in love with. I think I have found someone worth the effort, but sometimes I get scared that everything is a big joke and my falling for it is the punch line. I have done regrettable things, unforgettable things, had life-altering experiences, and made memories too precious in whatever way to be forgettable. I: swam in the Aegean Sea; drank champagne at sunset; saw the most beautiful splay of life laid right out in front of me; felt the ridiculous hopelessness unearthed in the twenty seconds of clarity when the meaning of life was revealed, then lost; locked myself into rather sticky situations (but never let on that I didn't mind); figured someone out entirely, and it certainly wasn't me; discovered the many useful qualities of taking life at a slower pace; learned that the exact value of a dollar on any given day is as close to the value of ten when you're unemployed; let myself find out for myself that it's ok to live my life differently than how I am apparently supposed to experience it. I feel that they're all right - that over time I am improving but some days are worse than the ones preceding. I am changed so much that I can never wholly go back to being who I was, but I am still searching nonetheless for just the memory of being stupidly happy and living every day in the sunshine of self-acceptance. I have problems, but I have finally begun to witness the fruits of a truly concerted effort to see them fade.

I am hopeful for the upcoming year and characteristically feel foolish admitting that I can see my little camel going somewhere. 2005 saw me change by leaps and bounds, and I believe 2006 will prove to be a landmark year for:

• Learning to share myself more openly so I may embrace that daft (Yes; "daft.") girl internally;
• Laughing more often;
• Singing Journey like there was no greater joy in the world.

I'm only going to say this once:

Screw Gainesville. Mainly because of the gay-ass airport and it being so unreasonably more expensive than TIA.

Sing "Fum, Fum, Fum!"

Merry Christmas! Been an amazing day so far, and I'm looking forward to smelling like Par... I mean, heaven in the upcoming year.

Kind of a crazy week ahead of me, but it'll be incredibly fun. Too bad Eeksie is going back to Durhamsie, though.

I'll save the rest of everything for another time. Hope you're having a great day and are surrounded by the people you love.

Shears

I helped a woman pick out earrings for the person with whom her now ex-husband had an affair.

I am shocked into disbelief at least once a week.

Kinnidee

No comments about being emo - I can't stand that shit.

But I would like to dedicate this post to everything that sucks - England, euthenasia, my stomach being in the faggot olympics, and the fact that my uterus just fell out when I typed "olympics." I feel like complete shit all over and I keep looking for my other cat. The bruise of unknown origin has turned a most nasty shade of ugly, and my nose is froze.

RAR!

But on the brighter side, my sister is home, I have attained the shoes that I am in love with, and my comforter smells like a meadow.

China Dolls

Between work and work and work and trying to get some sleep, I was surprised to realize that it is only a week until Christmas - that morning when you woke up when you were little at Nana and Papa's house, snow falling fiercely, the house warm and the water cold, putting on your favorite dress and then layering over it every jacket and coat and glove and mitten and beret you own to brave the walk from the kitchen door to the car, the car to the church entrance.

That morning when you were practically stoned from happiness when you opened all those presents, the confetti and glittering bows falling around your feet like soft and silent rays of sunlight on your favorite day of the year, even though you knew by the shape of this one, the size of that what was in each box or bag or oddly-packaged gift.

That morning when you didn't care what the world had to say about Pollocks being dirty, because any idiot would have eaten that sausage, any fool would have begged for seconds and sat satisfied for the remainder of the afternoon from that meal shared around the table with the huge mirror behind it, so perfect for making faces at the sister sitting next to you without ever turning your head.

That night when you played sharades until you thought you'd puke, you opened presents of sweaters and scarves and bracelets from the aunts, you played Sorry and Scrabble like you'd never have the chance to enjoy either again, you "accidentally" engulfed the marshmallows in the blaze of the fireplace, you listened to the cousins tell weird stories and ever so valiently plunk out the rhythm of The Little Drummer Boy until an older one came along and really played it.

That night when you fell asleep giggling with your sister instead of fighting, dreaming of all the toys you could play with tomorrow, wondering what the doll in your arms was thinking about and if you'd ever actually meet Johnathan Taylor Thomas.

That's what comes to mind when I think of a real Christmas because that's how I grew up to remember it.

Herc?

Black Cherry Fresca, you are the love of my life.

That is all.

Dirty bird you.

Chicken? Sure. But everything's still a go-go.

Officially done with exams as of 4:13PM today. One semester down, seven to go. And you?

Tomorrow I get to visit with le Amber and finish Christmas shopping with the girl who sneezes kittens. Pumped? Check yes.

Speaking of Christmas shopping, I stole someone a present today. It was my second time hijacking this item from the general public. Maybe it was because it was cold outside or maybe it was just that I had to pee so bad, but taking it definately made me giggle the entire way home. Submit guesses as comments, if anyone cares to do so.

I am tired as a fishy. Goodnight.

Christmas in July?

Winter is lovely, but I could really go for a beach day.

Even though it's midnight.

Cucumbersome

I feel so tweleve today. I made two new screen names in the past twenty-four hours, talked through several yawns, woke up with a bruise that was not there when I went to sleep, giggled over a boy, described a tie as gay, and almost shit myself when I saw the Cold Stone around the corner from where I work. Even though some arrogant piece of crap told me to stick out my wrist so he could spray me with man's cologne "...because [he] had too much on [him] to be able to smell this one," I had an amazing day (Like how I slipped that story in?).

"You may be right:

I may be crazy;
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."

Seasoned

I am completely exhausted, but I feel amazing. I'm listening to summer music and thinking about all the great times I've had this past year.

I'm kind of confused, though, about a lot of things. I guess I've done a lot of growing up, and much of it happened really suddenly and quickly - not necessarily just in 2005, but all along things happened and now I feel so much older than I was.

I feel good - don't get me wrong. I'm in one of the best moods of my life for ... well, yes for an apparent reason, but nothing specific has happened this very moment to make me feel as though I could burst at the seams with general happiness, and yet I believe it is truly likely to occur at any given second.

It's the difference between DMB and techno. That's where I get lost sometimes - the spot between wanting it all and absolutely needing the evening to yourself to sit with all your crazy, fucked-up emotions and memories.

But I couldn't love anything more than life.

Le exams, le sigh.

I am almost le done. One left to go (next Tuesday) and then I'm home free for the semester. My daddy is coming to get me in a few hours and tomorrow morning I start back up again right where I left off at workio. Should be... interesting. If I blow my brains out from all the you-know-whos, please kindly collect them and bring them to my family. Thank you.

I feel like a million bucks. I've been writing much more often lately (Obviously not here, but on real, live paper!), and I may post some of my new stuff. Then again, I may not. We'll see.

However, I do plan on adding a photo - taken by yours truly - to each entry. Comments on pictures as well as all the slander I publish is always more than welcome. I'm so controversial these days.

I don't have much else to say besides goodnight, and good luck.

The Unveiling

"...If I could reach it,
I would hand you heaven –
Wrap it up in earth and silk
And lay it on your pillow,
Your dreams to be of tranquility and amusement,
Your head to rest upon the fate of my world..."

Gam?

I can't believe I didn't even realize what I was missing.

Days like today are just happiness, and that's all there is to it.

I can't belive I almost forgot:

So, last night I get back to Jennings at about 4AM. No one else is outside or in the front area, and a palm tree is blazing right next to the entrance.

No, I'm not joking.

I start freaking out, thinking about how the fire department is going to have to come and everyone will be forced to evacuate and sit on the lawn in the wee hours of the morning, freezing to death and hopelessly watching as the building burns down.

I finally find my keys, throw open the door, and run to the front desk to tell the clerk that there is a fire outside.

"A fire? What kind of fire?"

"A fire-fire. Like, right next to the window."

"What do I do?"

"Call the fire department...?"

A girl who had been talking to the clerk came back outside with me to verify that there was indeed a tree flaming dangerously close to the building.

"Yeah. There's a fire."

"Oh, shit."

Now the clerk comes outside to verify that - for Pete's sake - THERE IS A FUCKING FIRE, and somehow in those 20 seconds between Exhibition No. 1 and Exhibition No. 2 it had disappeared. All that remained was a small patch of fallen fronds and leaves trying pitifully to stay ablaze. The clerk stomped on it, and that was that.

I swear: between the Chinese man with the blinker incident and last night, I suddenly feel as though living here was a bad, bad idea.

So if you're going to come to Jennings in the next day or two, make sure you go in through the front entrance near the pond. Take a look at the palm tree to the left of the bench. Notice anything gray?

Stuff!

This weekend may not the be best in terms of iamgoingtospendamajorityofitstudyingness, but at least it'll be full of surprises...

"'Cause it's you and me

And all of the Clairol

With nothing to do,

Nothing to lose..."

List du Jour of my favorite things:

1. Running like a madwoman with Sweeney all around campus
2. Penguins
3. Laughing until I fall over
4. Christmas lights
5. Crossword puzzles
6. Clothes fresh out of the dryer on a cold day
7. E-mails from my sister
8. Black-and-white posters
9. Nights so clear you can see every star
10. Besitos

Best of luck to everyone during this most grievous time: Exam Week.

Swan dive

"I might be crazy, but that's not the same as insane;
And I'm scared, but that's not the same as being afraid."

I don't know about those camels...

Tell me sweet little lies...

Bonfire of death?

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

CRAZY!

That's exactly what the past week has been. I will not go into detail here, but let's just say it's been... refreshing, and yet terrible. I can't make up my mind which best describes it.

On the upscale, I know for a fact now that I will be joining the Peace Corps immediately following college. I may end up waiting out the summer and try to get an assignment in late July or August (depending on availablity), but either way, that's what I fully intend to do. I have a general idea of what I will be changing my major to, but as of yet it is still listed as Criminology (with a minor in Spanish. Comical, no?).

I have a lot of things I'm still sorting through, and this weekend has been dedicated mainly to studying and reviewing. Granted, that's not what I'm doing right this minute, but hey - I earned this break.

Going home Tuesday afternoon after class. Don't have any set plans, except for Friday, which is reserved for post-Thanksgiving sale-day bliss.

I also forgot my big plan: Eurotrip. I'm still doing it (now that I remembered I was). I think perhaps I will shoot for this instead of a semester abroad, as I would likely:

• Not study much;
• Spend way more money than necessary;
• Have such a good time that coming back after 4-6 months would be a disappointment.

So instead, I will spend one summer (perhaps between junior and senior years) having the time of my life. Granted, that is if I can find at least one person to accompany me...

Things are beginning to come together a bit more in most areas. Where they aren't, the circumstances surrounding them are at least defogging. Not that there's much I can do about it, but that's life, and at least I'm no longer ignorant.

And about that whole "updating regularly" thing... Doesn't look like that's going to work out for me.

Lines

Life is what happens when you're think it's finally gotten to be so stagnant that it's hardly worth your best shot.

That's what this weekend has taught me. So many surprise ups, so many unexpected downs, and here I am, still in the middle simply because I don't know what else to do.

Maybe this is an indication of how things will always be; maybe I'm just going through an almost comically hectic period.

I wanted the summer so much this week. I really think it was all a dream. I can't reach that again, and I'll never have that to hold as long as I live. I may get close, but new memories will eventually fill up the holes where I miss the old ones. I might have been bored a lot of the time, but it was so much simpler and happier, more innocent and dangerously bittersweet, the waves of life and love and laughter washing over me like oblivion.

I know I have no right to say any of this; I don't deserve that freedom and I'm well aware of it. Sometimes, though, you just have to see things in writing to know that this is really happening.

I'm sorry, Boo-boo; I'm sorry.

So.

After all that, I'm pretty sure I'm going to change my major. To what, I have no clue, but I do know it will end in "-ology." Or, "History." One of the two.

Why did I waste this semester?

?

Update?

Yes - I think I will.

About everything... Life's been pretty interesting lately. As always, I'm not one to get into detail on some silly and very public blog which I don't really believe anyone reads, but I will say this: you never know until you're there. Sometimes it's so perfect that it hurts, and sometimes it hurts to know it's not perfect.

Have I left enough unexplained? My work here is done.

Yes - I updated.

Sometimes you can see the world so clearly. When you take a moment to slow down, breathe in the beauty around you, and appreciate it without having to make yourself think about it, it’s amazing how far it can take you.

It’s the simple pleasures in life – the things that are so uncomplicated give you the will to work through those that are.

I get so tired sometimes and just don’t care, but on a day like today when everyone went to Subway in a different city and we’re all talking about how it made for a happier afternoon, I can’t help but smile.

Candles

Many times there's much more hiding just below the surface than you think. A reason or an explanation or even just a different point of view - it's there, even when you're certain it isn't.

I love today.

Moms and cops

I loved this weekend, and I'm going to love next weekend. I'll expand upon that when I'm done with this delightful pile of studying.

I was reading over some past entries, and it occured to me just how much has happened since graduation. Not to say that my life was pointless and boring up until that point, but I've done a lot of changing since that day.

It's weird. I always thought I would miss those people more, but the truth is that certain stereotypes follow you everywhere. The names change but the faces stay the same, and in the end not much is different.

But that's not my point. What I'm getting at is that a lot can happen in a summer. One last hurrah before you say goodbye to the ones you always counted on and always will; one last time to laugh and reminisce, because looking back will always hurt a little after it's over.

I'm not implying that things were stagnant and that I am a completely different person from the girl who wrote in this four months ago. Quite the contrary; because I had grown up a lot, I have been able to adjust to these changes with less trauma than otherwise would likely have been evident. I am just noticing how much has happened since May 24th.

I know more is coming, and I know I'm nowhere near the end of new experiences. And you know what? I welcome every second of it.

Dam Would Break

Is it this place that makes me fall from you?
Forget the words that once rang so true?
Did we expect that life was ever fair? My God...
I sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod.
And everything I’ve held too tight inside
Could make a part of me die;
And if my lips could only speak the name,
The dam would break.

What is this ice that gathers round my heart
To stop the flood of warmth before it even starts?
It would make me blind to what I thought would always be
The only constant in the world for me.
And every hour of every day,
I need to fight from pulling away;
And if my mind could only loose the chain,
The dam would break.

For all the things I hid away
And all the words I could not say,
The dam would break.


How can a band named after an amphibious creature sing your song? Just like that.

Even though:

• I feel like crap;
• My face is going to explode;
• I can't speak Spanish;
• Buses are scary;
• I can't find my CDs;
• Alicia is apparently having eye surgery;
• Shania Twain sells perfume;

today is great beacuse:

• Julie is coming Saturday;
• My sister's cat ate her napkins;
• I don't have online homework for Spanish, ,which I can't speak;
• I regulate;
• Laguna Beach is on tonight;
• I have clean laundry;
• Shania Twain's perfume smells like angels oughta smell.

Spanish is a butt-lick language.

Had to slip it in.

So either UF is going to do great this year or... um... LA TECH SUCKS MAJOR ASS. What a joke. Those guys were horrible.

Today is laundry and proyecto day. I can't begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to doing this presentation in a language I barely know.

Better get crackin'.

I feel kind of iffy. I don't know if I should drop it or see what happens. So much going on and yet nothing at all has changed, it seems.

I don't know. I really don't know anything. I guess we'll find out.

Here are some lyrics, because I do that:

"Time is never time at all.
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.
And our lives are forever changed;
We will never be the same.
The more you change the less you feel."

Unraveled

Is how I feel. I have written so many compositions on shitty days like this. Unfortunately, I grabbed the wrong notebook when packing my bags to move to college and the aforementioned poetry and blurbs are exactly where I left them, rotting into the carpet under my bed like they've been rotting on my conscious.

When I can actually write, I will. For the time being, I don't have any hint of creativity. I hate today so fucking much right now.

But go Gators.

I hereby declare:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, weekend!

Relient upon nothing.

And I won't sit back
And take this anymore.
Because I'm done with that;
I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong;
I'm pressing on.

Jump-rope cable

I like today. Rainy, but not very sunny. Makes for a nicer temperature than most days.

Oh, shit. I'm talking about the weather. Slap me. Slap me now.

Tomorrow we're getting our tickets for Saturday's game, and then it's off to class in this incredibly taxing schedule of mine.

...Joke.

I really don't have much else to say. What's new with YOU?

This isn't grammared right.

So it's time to own up and start using capital letters every now and then. You know, like when a letter should be capitalized.

I really don't know what to say here. I would say it if I knew what to think, but I don't know what to think anymore about pretty much anything you can think of to think of. I wish things like this wouldn't happen to me, but the only thing I can think of (and have a certain opinion on) is that there is a great Fate Magnet of Destruction floating around in the Great Unknown and it has somehow channeled all of its energy toward me.

Good God. Why does this always happen?

No, I will NOT clarify, either, because this is mine and I don't wanna. So neah.

what a pretty day.

things are going pretty well in g-vizzle. i can't say that i miss high school now that i've gotten a taste of being a college student. not to say that i don't miss certain people or daily occurences, but it's nice making your own schedule and deciding NOT to follow it if indeed that suits your little fancy.

anyways, it's a really nice saturday. and about time we got some rilo kiley up in this joint!:

there are no bad words for the coast today.
when we hold our breath until nothing's left
it all starts to fade.

we can see the stars
from where the birds make their homes
staring back at us.
indifferent
but distanced perfectly,
projected endlessly;
it's so f--king beautiful.

!!!

i can't express to you how much i love college.

yes; that's all i'm going to say.

build me up, buttercup.

so, the rushing part of rush was hilarious. it was just as i had imagined. i didn't see anyone trip, though; that was the only thing that didn't match up.

somone is cooking down the hall and it smells heavenly.

i'm really excited for tomorrow. classes begin and i'll get to meet a whole bunch of new faces. it's going to be great! balogna shoes and all.

i rearranged my half of the room a bit. i like it better now. less wiring to be seen. probably a tremendous fire hazzard, but it looks like broward is the unlucky building of choice this year so i think i'm in the clear. also got the blue rope lights put up - the ones g-bizzle gave me for my birthday. may have to buy some more the next time one of us goes to target (me or jess, that is) to make the whole room bright and gay.

i think that's got to be one of the worst names to have in this day and age - gay.

met some more cool people last night, and hopefully will do it again later on. but this time not at the sooooooooda pop shop.

that's all for now. don't cry for me, argentina.

quickie:

yesterday was dayful. there's much more to be said on that, but i think this whole college thing is going to work out juuuuust fine.

i'm ready for classes - i've got all my books AND my thinking cap. i only need to figure out where they actually are. that may be beneficial.

i don't have much else for now. mother dearest is calling.

Really Long Survey (over 200)
Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 118162 times on Bzoink
What is your name?	maggie
Are you named after anyone?	saint margaret mary (s. euclid, ohio)
What's your screename?	funmaggs
Would you name a child of yours after you?	no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?	according to my parents, matthew. if i was choosing, ben.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?	dream
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?	cennedy. no, i'm not joking.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?	it's what MAKES me famous.
Basics
Your gender:	girly
Straight/Gay/Bi:	straight
Single?	perpetually
If not, do you want to be?	the answer is longer than one word, so i'll spare you.
Birthdate:	5.12.87
Your age:	18
Age you act:	25
Age you wish you were:	14
Your height:	5'8
Eye color:	blue
Happy with it?	wish they were brighter
Hair color:	light brown/dark blonde
Happy with it?	it looks right on me, but will probably dye it soon.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:	righty
Your living arrangement:	JENNINGS
Your family:	is dysfunctional
Have any pets?	two cats
Whats your job?	nothing at the moment
Piercings?	5
Tattoos?	none yet
Obsessions?	millions
Addictions?	one
Do you speak another language?	i'd say yes.
Have a favorite quote?	"the greatest happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved."
Do you have a webpage?	you're looking at it.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?	i'd like to.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?	depends on your definition of "others"
Do you have any secrets?	several
Do you hate yourself?	no
Do you like your handwriting?	yes
Do you have any bad habits?	yes
What is the compliment you get from most people?	that i have nice eyes or straight teeth.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?	the diary of a mad black woman
What's your biggest fear?	confrontation
Can you sing?	no, but i do it anyways
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?	too often
Are you a loner?	yes
What are your #1 priorities in life?	good question. we'll see.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?	yeah. because i'd be just like me.
Are you a daredevil?	depends on the exact situation.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?	addictive personality and apathy
Are you passive or agressive?	passively aggressive
Do you have a journal?	several
What is your greatest strength and weakness?	a strength: doing impressions. a weakness: hypocrisy.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?	care less about destructive criticism received.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?	yeah.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?	i regret the chances i was too timid to take. i also regret never calling jen when she was pregnant. i regret finding facebook; it consumes my heart and soul.
Do you think life has been good so far?	yes.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?	don't make an idiot out of yourself for someone who won't come around, friend or otherwise.
What do you like the most about your body?	hands
And least?	calves
Do you think you are good looking?	when i make an effort to do so.
Are you confident?	i'm not afraid to act how i feel.
What is the fictional character you are most like?	francie nolan from a tree grows in brooklyn
Are you perceived wrongly?	i'm sure someone gets a wrong impression.
Do You...
Smoke?	no
Do drugs?	no
Read the newspaper?	no
Pray?	yes
Go to church?	to be determined
Talk to strangers who IM you?	yes
Sleep with stuffed animals?	no. they sleep in the chair, silly.
Take walks in the rain?	no, but i would.
Talk to people even though you hate them?	only when forced.
Drive?	yes.
Like to drive fast?	yes.
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?	no.
Hurt yourself?	yes.
Been out of the country?	yes.
Eaten something that made other people sick?	yes.
Been in love?	yes.
Done drugs?	no.
Gone skinny dipping?	no.
Had a medical emergency?	no.
Had surgery?	oral.
Ran away from home?	no.
Played strip poker?	no.
Gotten beaten up?	no.
Beaten someone up?	not yet.
Been picked on?	yes.
Been on stage?	yes.
Slept outdoors?	yes.
Thought about suicide?	yes. BUT HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER ACT ON IT.
Pulled an all nighter?	no.
If yes, what is your record?	---
Gone one day without food?	yes.
Talked on the phone all night?	yes.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?	yes.
Slept all day?	no.
Killed someone?	why, yes.
Made out with a stranger?	yes.
Had sex with a stranger?	no.
Thought you're going crazy?	yes.
Kissed the same sex?	in a non-sexual way.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?	no.
Been betrayed?	yes.
Had a dream that came true?	yes. figuratively and literally.
Broken the law?	yes.
Met a famous person?	yes.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?	hahahah! no.
On purpose?	HAHAHAH! no.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?	yes.
Stolen anything?	yes.
Been on radio/tv?	yes.
Been in a mosh-pit?	no.
Had a nervous breakdown?	yes.
Bungee jumped?	no.
Had a dream that kept coming back?	yes.
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?	yes.
Miracles?	yes.
Astrology?	i happen to know for a fact that people do actually study the stars.
Magic?	no.
God?	yes.
Satan?	yes.
Santa?	no.
Ghosts?	yes.
Luck?	no.
Love at first sight?	yes.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?	yes.
Witches?	no.
Easter bunny?	no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?	for some.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?	no.
Do you wish on stars?	yes.
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?	yes.
Do you think God has a gender?	no.
Do you believe in organized religion?	...
Where do you think we go when we die?	up or down. or in between.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?	yes.
Who is your best friend?	i have several. those that know me best are erin, alicia, jess, and dream.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?	ironic, isn't this? tie between erin (she's known me longest and we relate. literally.) and alicia.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?	it's not the advice so much as the unconditional surrender of a friend's own well-being to help you gain yours back.
Your favourite inside joke?	talent show.
Thing you're picked on most about?	even steven.
Who's your longest known friend?	carla anderson
Newest?	sammy
Shyest?	kim. ...until you get to know her.
Funniest?	fudge and jim
Sweetest?	dream
Closest?	alicia
Weirdest?	laura
Smartest?	james
Ditziest?	alicia
Friends you miss being close to the most?	amber
Last person you talked to online?	ewin
Who do you talk to most online?	andrew
Who are you on the phone with most?	mom
Who do you trust most?	carri
Who listens to your problems?	whoever i say!
Who do you fight most with?	i try not to.
Who's the nicest?	christy
Who's the most outgoing?	sweeney and paige
Who's the best singer?	dream and amber
Who's on your shit-list?	you
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?	yes
Who's your second family?	hussins
Do you always feel understood?	no
Who's the loudest friend?	carla
Do you trust others easily?	if i need to talk, i talk.
Who's house were you last at?	mine
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:	...
Do your friends know you?	a few have got my number.
Friend that lives farthest away:	jim
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?	never
What do you find romantic?	not having to say what you know you are both thinking.
Turn-on?	physically, a nice chests and strong arms. i like a guy who can hold an intelligent conversation. quick wit is always a plus, too.
Turn-off?	self-depricating humor.
First kiss?	during the ending credits of the majestic.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?	awkward if i knew them well.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going	yes, but i like meeting new people, too.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out	yes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv	yes
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?	on occasion
What is best about the opposite sex?	their strength and ability to make up stupid games.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?	many don't think with the right head.
What's the last present someone gave you?	earrings from my bosses.
Are you in love?	nah.
Do you consider your significant other hot?	i'm single, suckhole.
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?	the ghost of christmas past
You wanted to kill?	i'm not going to lie - george bush.
That you laughed at?	chris.
That laughed at you?	paige probably.
That turned you on?	my baby's daddy
You went shopping with?	chris, andrew, and kim
That broke your heart?	rob
To disappoint you?	jonathan
To ask you out?	matt
To make you cry?	my mom
To brighten up your day?	chas
That you thought about?	well, chas.
You saw a movie with?	oh, boy: maja, andrew, jim, ricky, alise, graham, james, and craig.
You talked to on the phone?	my mom
You talked to through IM/ICQ?	paige
You saw?	paige
You lost?	uncle
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?	obviously not.
Will it be with your significant other?	fuck you.
Or some random person?	and the beat goes on...
What are you wearing right now?	a smile.
Body part you're touching right now:	toes to toes
What are you worried about right now?	nothing. just constantly anxious.
What book are you reading?	none, technically.
What's on your mousepad?	toast
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:	well, like a natural woman.
Are you bored?	i'm filling this out, aren't i?
Are you tired?	no.
Are you talking to anyone online?	no.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?	no.
Are you lonely or content?	content to be alone for now.
Are you listening to music?	no.
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like albert einstein once said...

do you remember thinking, when you were that little, that the time would never come when you'd be ready to move out of the house, away from mommy and daddy and the cute boy you never got the nerve to talk to? do you remember wondering what you'd look like, what you'd believe, what you would and would not have experienced, where you would have traveled, what you would have accomplished?

i used to write myself notes and hide them in my room. i'd come across them a few years down the line. they were always full of girlish dreams i'd forgotten, teacher's i'd come to no longer fear but respect, questions i will always wonder about the future me. i'd always read them, thinking to myself how bored i would be with the answers i so desperately wanted to know at the time. i think we just get used to our lives, and what happens and doesn't happen is not so much of a surprise as it might have been when the situation in question was initially pondered over.

i would love to be able to look at the twelve-year-old me and tell her that i turned out alright, that there's nothing majorly wrong with me, that adolescense will teach me not to cry about friends who aren't there and boys who don't care. i would love to sit down with her, tell her that black coffee isn't all that bad, that her writing may never improve but to never stop regardless, that in her notebooks the voice of a progressively more mature young woman is evident and grows to be more easily recognizeable. i would love to tell her about the things that will happen so she can prepare for them, avoid the things that will hurt her, haunt her, keep her up many nights for fear of making the wrong choice. with life comes regret; don't add extra. stress is inevitable; don't worsen it by dwelling.

there are so many things that go on inside my head sometimes. i always wanted to know about the future, but lately it's been the present that concerns me.

who am i?

eleven to your seven

room is cute. stuff is organized. i don't stink. life is good.

well...

"when you need a friend, don't look to a stranger;
you know in the end, i'll always be there.
but when you're in doubt and when you're in danger,
take a look all around and i'll be there."

some friends you can never really leave. after all is said and done, you've shared too many had-to-be-there laughs, gotten through too many cries, and experienced too many life-changing moments to ever actually lose them.

those few people you will have in your life are the true gems.

nothing!

is what i have done all week. except soothe my soul with unsolved mysteries and other dead-end lifetime programs.

what i wouldn't give for a nice pair of balogna shoes...